Post # 1
We are wanting to renew our vows on our 4th anniversary, that would be after being together for 10 years. My husband is a little reluctant to do this now after taking to his mum as she is very set in her ways and she believes that we are wasting our money and it will make our original vows mean nothing. I have tried to tell my husband that the vow renewal doesnt cheapen our first vows because i believe in everything i said then, but everything i will say in the renewal is exactly the way i feel and the love that i still feel even more than the day we married.
I also want a renewal because our wedding rings are not the orignal rings we married with, ours broke after 5 months of marriage due to a fault in the white gold so we had to replace them. After talking with the vicar who preformed our wedding he said he can bless the rings although he would do it as a renewal with the costing of a wedding (£400). The same as a few places that we have enquired about. So what i would love is to renew in front of family and friends and show them the love we have hasnt changed, its just stronger. Having my children walk me down the aisle (so to speak) having a small dinner ( no top table or anything) No cake, just a dessert table with small cakes on them for the guests. We will have a dance together because our first dance song also has a part 2 so it would be fantastic to be able to make our “part 2” lol. and then just having a party fo the guests.
The one thing i do want is the dress that i have always wanted. Due to funding as well as a little extra weight i didnt feel comfortable in the dress that was “THE ONE” so now i have lost over a stone in weight and still losing weight, i would love for my husband to look at me looking like a princess and seeing the pride in his eyes again.
Does anyone else think that this is a little silly to be doing this, this early and on a very random anniversary of 4 years. Are we just wasting our money or do you agree with me and think that the vows i said are just as special as the ones i would say in a renewal. i am deeply in love with my husband and i want to be able to say it in front of our family and friends just like the first time and have our rings blessed at the same time
Post # 2
I think vow renewals work better when they’re for a big milestone anniversary (10th or 25th). Seems a little attention-grabby if it’s not a “major” anniversary.
Post # 3
Honestly, if I got an invite to a friend’s vow renewal after only four years of marriage I would roll my eyes a bit. Can you have your rings blessed in a private ceremony?
Post # 4
when we spoke to the vicar he said that we would have to pay £400 to have a blessing of the rings, they will not do it in a private ceremony unless we pay the full amount. Now he also said that he would want some guests there to witness as we are basically paying for the whole church and it is a large church too and it would look empty. i kind of agree with him in that sense hence the reason we would like our family and close friends there, the people who have seen our rough patches and gone through them with us.
Our invites would be worded something like “celebrate with us as we renew our vows”. we was also thinking about putting it back a year and making it a 5 year renewal. we do not want gifts, we dont want all the wedding thing like some people dp like the “not a hen do” as i have been to before. We just want something simple but i think what is putting my husband off is the fact that his mum has put into his head that it is going to cheapen our original vows and that it is a waste of money. i dont think that at all. Its not the attention we are after, its the blessing of the rings and if we are having to pay the money in the first place then the added extras we want is just to touch it up alittle bit.
the invites will say something like your presence would be the only gift we would like.
Post # 5
I love the idea! I don’t think it’d be gift grabby and if I got invited to a 4 yr vow renewal I wouldn’t think it was silly or stupid or anything. I say celebrate away!
Post # 6
Why not go on a family vacation and do this? I have a friend who went to Hawaii with her kids and husband and did a simple vow renewal on the beach. That way you won’t even have to worry about people expecting they should bring gifts and it’ll just be you as a family 🙂 Just a thought.
Post # 7
- Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN
samjibabe: It is your money, your marriage and your life. However, I would not expect many people to be there and you can not really get upset if they choose to not be there.
On the other hand though, my cousin did a vow renewal at 4 years because they had only had a courthouse wedding the first time and she wanted to. Some of the family went, some didnt. She was happy either way.
Post # 8
i couldnt care if it was just our parents, our children and us to be honest, as long as we can say what we need to say and mean thats all that matters really. We really want our rings blessed though and its £400 that we are willing to pay. we have priced up what we are looking for roughly and its going to be about £1900 thats why we havent chose to go away, that was priced too and it came up as 3000 so a little bit of difference but we would still need spending money. I think we may need to sit down and talk some more about it and see what we both really want without the involvement of other family members. I would do anything my husbands wants to and if he wants to wait we will but if he wants to do something big or small then thats what we will do, thanks all for the comments x
Post # 9
Tbh it sounds like you’re being ripped off I might be missing something but I don’t understand why he has to charge that much and take over the whole church to bless your rings? Is that normal practice?
Post # 10
Vow renewals are a sensitive topic and everyone has diffferent opinions about them.
I only like the idea of a vow renewal after a short marriage, if the couple eloped when they got married.
My vow renewal will be next year after five years of marriage. We eloped and my parents were very upset. We would wait for ten years of marriage , but my mother may be dead by then and they are leaving the country next year. We think this would be a nice send off for them.
If your MIL isn’t supportive of your idea, she doesn’t have to come. I am only inviting those who would enjoy my vow renewal. My husband’s family would not be receptive and they already had a big bash for us for our first anniversary. My family was not present at that one; this vow renewal is for my side of the family.
I think that your vicar is charging way too much.
Post # 11
I see what you mean. What about if the couple never had a wedding with family and friends, but they want to celebrate years of marriage together with their loved ones?
It is much harder to stay married than get married. We live in a world where people divorce after less than six months for silly reasons.
Post # 12
I agree with a PP and I would only attend (or care about) a vow renewal for a big milestone. However, if you want to do it then I say go for it. I would do it privately.
Post # 13
PositiveThinking: even if there were no “big” wedding to start the marriage, to me a vow renewal after just a short few years seems very attention-grabby to me. While every anniversary is an accomplishment, it really is not that big a deal to stay married for 5 years as to warrant getting everyone together and throwing a party. You don’t throw a “hey I finished my sophomore year” party because, while no doubt completing your second year of college is an accomplishment, it’s really not that big of a deal. You did what you were supposed to do: you didn’t get a divorce or fail out of school. Be proud, for sure, but if you want to throw a party, make it for a real accomplishment. A milestone. Having a “big” wedding or eloping has no bearing on whether a 4- or 5- year vow renewal seems over-the-top or not.
Post # 14
samjibabe: Don’t be discouraged by the negative influences of others, misery loves company. If his mother doesn’t see the point in renewals, that’s fine– she shouldn’t have one: Done!
If the vicar’s blessing is worth it & ideal for the price to you, book him & scale back on something else to balance the budget.
Decade+ anniversaries are what’s typical for renewals, but commonplace doesn’t make it a rule or your 4 yr. feat any less worthy. I agreed with another poster who said that getting married is easy, staying married is much harder & if you want to celebrate, go ALL OUT WITH IT!
The people who love you will show up to support you, don’t worry about that part.
Make yourself happy & find peace in your own marriage/wedding/vow renewal/dream dress(especially now that you’ve lost weight & are feeling good about “The One”).
Post # 15
In less than five years, my husband and I have survived a cancer scare, surgery to remove a tumor, racist neighbours harassing us, family estrangement and me being hit by a car. Five years may not be a milestone but many couples would have divorced already after all of that hardship. I know that staying together after the aforementioned misfortune is certainly an accomplishment.
I’m not trying to change your opinion. I just wanted to share a different perspective. I’m glad that my family and friends understand that we are not just seeking attention. They are excited to see us say our vows.