Post # 1
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
The title says it all. We are getting married next Sunday, and my Mom just called to tell me that the nurses say he has a week, maybe less. My parents are my Grandfather’s caretakers. He lives with them. My son is extremely close to my grandfather, as am I. I just don’t know what to do. I am devestated. My emotions are everywhere and I can’t stop crying. The logistics are boggling my mind. Do we try, 9 days out, to post-pone the wedding? Do we stick to the plan and hope that we don’t have a funeral scheduled on my wedding day? How do I celebrate when I hurt this bad? The wedding is almost 2 hours away from my parent’s house. Everyone has booked overnight accomodations. i just don;t know what to do. Has anyone been through this? How did you handle it? Help. Please, help.
I have to sign off for now, but I will be checking this thread when I get home tonight. It’s time for me to go be at his bedside. If anyone has any thoughts or advice, i would be so greatful.
Post # 3
Nothing we can say will make this any easier. 🙁 I’m sorry you’re going through this. Ask yourself what your grandfather would want you to do…in terms of your wedding. Would he want you to be happy?
And also know that he’ll be there watching. 🙂
Post # 4
There’s no right or wrong answer here – I’m sure everyone around you will be totally understanding regardless of what you choose to do, so that being said, do whatever you and your fiancé feel most comfortable with. <3
Post # 5
Honey there isn’t anything we can say other than we are so sorry.
There is no right or wrong answer. You need to do what you decide is right given the circumstances.
Post # 6
@lovekiss: i’m so sorry that you are going through this, it is a very difficult time in anyones life to have a family member be seriously ill, especially when you are very close, i think you know yourself how your grandfather would react to you re-schedualing your wedding due to him being ill, i personally think he would feel guilty, he would never want to stand in the way of your happiness. i know happiness is a difficult thing to think of at this time.
i think yor mother maybe the best person to advise you on this, as at the end of the day a lot of people close to your grandfather will be at your wedding (i assume).
i certainly wouldn’t worry about peoples accomodation being a factor here, you need to decide what is best for you, your family and your grandfather.
unfortunately my grandmother passed away two years ago, she was my last grandparent so this is not something i would have to face, i can’t honestly say what i would do in you position.
some factors to consider though are, will your parents be able to attend your wedding, will you be able to enjoy your wedding…. i think if the answer to either of these questions in ‘no’ then you should probably consider changing your date.
please console with you mother, she will know best.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t postpone, I would just spend as much time with him as possible. If you are leaving right away for a honeymoon, you might have to postpone that, but I would venture to guess any grandpa out there would want his granddaughter to go forward with her wedding day.
However, you have to do what is right for your family, and I’m sure in the upcoming days it will become more clear as to what you will need to decide. Perhaps talk to your venue ahead of time and see what will happen if you have to postpone.
I’m sending positive thoughts your way and I am so sorry that this is happening right now. I’m sure you are beside yourself with emotions.
Post # 8
I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this! *Hugs*
Personally, I would continue with the wedding as planned. You grandpa would want you to be happy and wouldn’t want to put a damper on your plans or delay you becoming a wife. I think it will be nice to have your whole family together supporting each other and you know that your grandpa will be there with you too, watching and taking it all in.
One other thought, if you’d like him to be able to see you get married and are upset he won’t be able to be a part of things on 9th, maybe you could do a short ceremony at home with just your immeadiate family that your grandpa could be a part of before he passes. Then still have your larger ceremony with everyone on the 9th.
I know this must be so difficult for you and your family.
Post # 9
All I have to say is I’ll be praying for a miracle for you honey. I’ll pray that your Grandfather pulls through until your wedding so he knows his baby got married to love of her life. And if he doesn’t, you’ll know he’s watching from above with pride in his heart.
I don’t know if this will work but just a thought. You could still have your wedding but maybe just take a JOP to where his and get married there? Just so he can be apart of it? I know this may not logistically work, but just a suggestion honey.
Love and hugs from your bee family. Keep your chin up sister.
Post # 10
I’m sorry to hear this dear. I know this is extrememly tough for you. I lost my grandma in June and it was the day before my Fiance brothers wedding. As hard as it was, I knew my grandma lived a long healthy life (94) and instead of mourning at home that next day, I went to the wedding and then the funeral the following day. It was a celebration of her life with both. I know your grandfather is special and this is hard. When my grandma was getting sick and we got the news too, she perservered for a while, when they said, any day now, it turned to be weeks. I would advise against postponing cause you never know. I will pray that you all get through this and let God take him when he is ready. HUGS
Post # 12
You are my date twin too and will be in my thoughts til we get there!
Post # 13
DH and I were in the same situation. Starting two weeks before the wedding we were waiting daily for a call to drive down to the base. It was pretty rotten at times to know we might have to miss the funeral if we were already on the honeymoon. He ended up passing a week shy of month after the wedding. DH had a hard time with it but at the same time it was cathartic.
I would agree with PP, spend as much as possible with him but don’t postpone. If he is aware, I would say to see if there is someone who had set up a direct feed so he could watch it on a laptop or if someone can get a rough copy to take to him later (I am assuming he is not in a condition to travel to the wedding).
I’m really sorry you have to go through with this.
(also note, that sometimes funerals are a whole week after the passing so even if he passes right before your wedding the funeral wouldn’t have to be on your day, unless there are religious reasons to inter quickly)
Post # 14
First of all sorry to hear about your grandfather, nothing ever prepares you for this especially during a time that is supposed to be joyful.
We got married last month in Europe, you can imagine the logistics surrounding a destination wedding across the ocean. We arrived a full week before the actual wedding, Saturday and the wedding was supposed to be next Sunday. Well on Tuesday, my husbands father suddenly passed away 🙁 We were devasted! I was so upset for my husband but my inside voice kept saying why is this happening to us? Over a year of planning, people travelling from all over the world, everything all paid for, the list goes on. Our initial reaction was to cancel everything, which we did but later on that day after spending some time thinking about it and finally taking a step back and talking about……the most important things to us were the ceremony, the pictures and our family being there. Postponing just didnt seem to ever be an option because our wedding day would never ever be what we expected in the first place or planned for. We called back our photographer and the restaurant, luckily they understood our predicament and worked with us. Originally our reception was supposed to be 75 of our closest family and friends but because of the situation we only had 25 close family members…..we didnt have the band we wanted, we just had nice music playing in the background, we didnt have the flowers that I wanted because we cancelled the order, so we had whatever the florist could make in our colour scheme with what she had on hand, we didnt have the beautiful cake that I carefully planned out for a year, so we had a very beautiful makeshift at the last minute…..but in the end you cant control how things happen, you just have to make due as best as you can at the time. His fathers funeral was on Friday and our wedding was on Sunday, yes we were emotionally drained by the time Sunday came around and yes the whole atmosphere that day was not how I imagined it BUT we have the most gorgeous pictures I could have ever asked for, our ceremony was soooo beautiful and we were surrounded by the closest people in our life on ONE of the most important days of our life. There are many more important days ahead of you…….good luck and I wish you and your future husband all the best xoxoxo
Post # 15
I’m sooo sorry, what you are going through is my biggest fear in regards to the weddng. I too have aging grandparents and my father has become quite feebled in the last 10 years so he worries me too. I just can’t wait for my engagement to be over because I just want everyone to be there and in good health. I pray everyday that everyone remains in good health…but when a situation like this arrises, it’s ou of your hands. I don’t think your grandfather would want you to postpone your wedding. Should he pass the the days preceeding your wedding, the day before or even the day of your wedding, his funeral arrangments could be delayed until just after. I would however, probably delay my honeymoon if such a tragedy came to pass….so that I could be with my family.
Post # 16
@Soon to be Mrs M:
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Thank you. Hearing from someone who has been through such a similar situation really helps.
You ladies are so kind, and I really appreciate your warmth. We had a family talk this evening with my parents, bro, and SIL. Mr. LK and I offered to move up the ceremony to Wednesday, the soonest that we could legally have it, and to move it to my parent’s house. However, my Mother was adamant that we not change our plans. She has already made the decision to be at our wedding, no matter what. We will figure out how to get through this rough time as a family. Mr. LK, our coordinator, and my Maid/Matron of Honor are stepping in to finish the last few items on the to-do list.
Tomorrow morning I will go pick up my dress as planned, I will do the 4 other things on the list that only I can do, and everything else will be delegated so that I can spend as much time as possible with him and the rest of our family in these last days. I am still not sure how celebratory I will feel, given everything that is going on. But I certainly am greatful for having Mr. LK as my partner in forever. He continues to amaze me.