(Closed) Not Excited?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
1413 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I would ask for a general timeline.  I know he doesn’t want to talk too much about it, so just make it clear that all you are asking for is a super general timeline like “within six months,” “within a year,” or even “I imagine our wedding within 1.5 years.”  (Also make sure he realizes how much time you expect/prefer to be engaged for so that his numbers aren’t way off because he’s thinking about an extreme engagement length – either very long or very short).

Post # 3
Member
3848 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

 

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camcambee:  Have you asked him for a timeline?  It might help him to have something concrete to think about rather than an idea – he does sound as if he wants to marry you, so that’s good.

Perhaps you can discuss the necessity of advance planning for the wedding, how many months ahead you have to order the dress, book the venue, etc – and discuss what season you both want to be married in.  That might lead naturally to a timeline, but still allow for surprise.

He sounds a bit like my now husband – he definitely wanted to marry me but didn’t seem at all concerned about actually asking.  LOL   My DH has Asperger’s, and understanding (or trying to understand!!)  that kind of thought process helped me in the waiting period.  

Post # 4
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Ask but without showing him any frustration. My fiancee, tells me all the time, how I am a fresh breath of air since he had no pressure from me but his ex nagged and brought it up too much. Who knows, maybe your hunny has something in mind or is waiting for something. Do you have any special dates coming up that you can think of? He is maybe trying to throw you off?

Post # 7
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

To me, it sounds like it’s possible that he’s saving for a ring if the timeline is this year and that’s why he’s being quiet about it now.

Post # 9
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Just because he started looking at rings doesn’t mean he’ll propose immediately. My husband started looking online, getting ideas on prices and educating himself about a year and a half before we got engaged. He took his time and made sure everything was perfect. He even waited about 3-4 months to propose once he had the ring. I asked him why he waited so long once he had the ring, and he told me he wanted to get past the typical Christmas/New Years/Valentines proposal season (we got engaged in March). He also said it took him a while to work up the courage to actually propose. Even though he wasn’t really concerned about me saying no, he said he put a lot of pressure on himself to make the actual proposal perfect. You know he wants to marry you and wants it to be a suprise. If you truly aren’t in a rush, then just let things happen. 

Post # 10
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

How old are you and how long have you been dating?

Post # 11
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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camcambee:  I wouldn’t personally read into this. Since it sounds like it’s only been 3-4 months, I can see him not wanting to talk about it because like he said, he wants it to be a surprise. In the 3 years leading up to my fiance proposing, we only talked of getting married twice. Once when it was kind of like a drunken spat of “I can’t wait to marry you” and another time more serious when I asked to confirm that we were both on the same path.

He’s already told you that he would propose within a year. I’d say you either wait it out and let him plan a surprise, or talk to him about it and potentially come across as pressuring him. You either have to want it to be a surprise and trust that you guys are both on the same page, or have him tell you when he is going to do it. No matter what, I think the most important talk is knowing you guys are working towards the same goal. It sounds like that conversation already happened.

Post # 13
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee

Hi OP. My fiance was just like this. I even talked to my friends about how he didn’t seem interested in marriage, and I thought that IF he was going to propose he would run to the store a day or two before and pick something. He’s not a planner AT ALL and he gave absolutely no indication that he had anything in mind. Any time I tried to casually bring up anything related to weddings or marriage, he looked like a deer in the headlights. After he proposed I found out that he had been planning the proposal for a year, and just didn’t want to “give it away”.

Guys don’t realize how the waiting game impacts us women, so I would encourage you not to take his lack of conversation too personally. It really could be that he’s thinking about it a lot, but just doesn’t want to talk about it with you because it thinks that’ll make for a better surprise (ugh, men!). I totally get what you’re feeling, and I’m sorry! Hugs!!

Post # 14
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

View original reply
camcambee:  I dunno, I think the only thing you can do is wait it out. Maybe he’s not ready yet, but knows that you are the right person, it’s just not the right time? I think you have 3 choices if he’s not ready for engagement/marriage but you are.

1) be patient and wait.

2) tell him to get on board.

3) move on.

It just depends on where you are and what is important to you. Some would stay with their SO for an eternity without a proposal, some won’t stick around longer than a year or two because marriage is so important to them. It comes down to what you, personally, are comfortable with. 

If I were in your shoes, if he is the ultimate perfect mate, then I’d wait. Then again, marriage has never been too high on my “to do” list. 

Post # 15
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Hummm… well, you definitely don’t want to nag him about it.  So, you may have to occupy your time so you don’t obsess about it.  I’m in your same shoes — so I’m trying not to think about it and I haven’t spoken to my honey about it coming up on 2 weeks now.  

I say leave it alone — for now.  Maybe revisit it in a few weeks (2-3)… or a month.  

The object is to bring it up devoid of being emotional etc…  just do it casually.  

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