Post # 1
Hello everyone! Although I’ve been reading posts on this website for quite sometime, I figured it was time I finally made my own account and posted my own question/comment! So here it is:
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, and although we have a great realationship and are leaning towards the marraige side of things, I still have one concern. I am 22, and he is the only man I have “been with” sexually. Unfortuntely, my boyfriend (23) has slept with three different women (before he even met me). He always tells me he would have never been with them if he had known me, but a part of me still feels heart broken about it all. I feel like I waited around for the right man, and he didn’t do the same.
I may or may not be a baby about this, and I know I can’t be the only one out there, so how do/ would you deal with this type of situation? (i.e. jealousy) Should I just get over myself and appreciate what I’ve got, or what? Again I’m not trying to sound childish, I’m just very emotional over these types of things!
Thanks so much!
Post # 3
I am of the mind that the past is the past – it’s how he acts now that matters. When you struggle with this, think about the fact that he is committed to you now, and how lucky you are to have him. Clearly he sees you as the best choice, because you’re together now.
Post # 4
I agree, let bygones be bygones. I hope for you sanity, you can realise that he is yours now and no one else will ever be intimate with him if you get married.
Maybe this will be hard for you to understand, but I want my Fiance to have had other partners. I want him to feel like he has experienced all he wanted before he gets to me and now it is out of his system and he never has to wonder..what wlse he might be missing out on. I feel secure in the knowledge that I am not the only one!
Post # 5
I think it’s just something you need to accept as part of his past and move on. My boyfriend and I were each other’s first loves, and I was even his first kiss. During our first two years in high school, though, we never slept together. Instead, we eventually broke up for five years, and during that time, we both dated other people and slept with others. Now that we know we’re going to spend eternity together and that we both regret giving our virginity to someone who didn’t truly deserve it, we really wish we had either waited or maybe just done it back in the day. Knowing that your FH has shared himself with others when you both agree together that you really deserved to be first can be really painful, and it’s likely always going to be a sore spot. However, you just have to accept that this is something no one can change, forgive him (and, in my case, myself), and move on. He probably really does regret those other two. It’s time to decide to love him no matter what his history.
Post # 6
Wow you sound just like us! My husband slept with two women before me in high school (um, 3 or 4 years before he met me!) and he’s the only one I’ve been with.
honestly, i think i have thought about his exes….twice maybe in our whole relationship?!?!?! At first, when i was 19, i was jealous and he just told me, “hey i was an ass and i just wanted to get in their pants. I was a selfish boyfriend” and that seemed to settle it. apparently he was a big jerko in high school….and i havent’ even given it a thought since. It’s in the past and it’s not who he is anymore. You learn from experiences and that’s a good thing. But if you have expectations of him he cannot realistically meet (he didn’t wait for you), I’m not sure what to tell you. if you aren’t ok dating a man who isn’t a virgin (how long are you together?) then, you kinda missed that boat =]. If you love him and he loves you, you just have to give it some time and move on. Everybody has “what ifs”. I know there are things i’m done i’m embarassed of, that my husband knows of. And it would be really hurtful if he dragged those things up a lot. Who i was at 16 isn’t who i am today, but it certainly molded me. I’m sure it molded him…does it help if it made him more perfect for you? haha, it’s quite possibly true =]