(Closed) Out of control bridal spending on MY budget (a little long, sorry)

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 46
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

oh girl you need some boundaries like yesterday. Don’t give her another dime, return anything you can. ANDFOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T GIVE HER ACCESS TO YOUR ACCOUNTS AND/OR PAYMENT INFO

 

Post # 47
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

girl, you have got to tell your husband. this is really big. $15000 big. I mean that is alot of money. and Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids dont pay for the Brides wedding. while the $15000 is from your account, your husband needs to know. I mean, if the bride was worried about her brothers (your husband’s) reaction then she would not have been such a greedy person. She is seriously messed up. and on top of all that with the statistics out there for recovering addicts so soon out of recovery, her having a true successful marriage is really slim. so this money could possibly be being spent on a woman who may not be married very long…. I dont mean to be rude but the facts are the facts. She is a user.

Post # 48
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I understand you are trying to tread lightly due to her addiction issues, but COME ON. I don’t care if someone is addicted to crack, heroin, pills, meth, coke, all rolled into one. I’d be damned if I’m going to let someone take advantage of me and put my family in a potentially bad situation draining your savings. She’s entitled, immature, and greedy. Cut this parasite off before she sucks you dry. It’s one thing to pay for a vacation home for the party, but everything else exhibited is sheer entitlement on her part. YOU HAVE TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. If you don’t, nobody will. I compleltey understand you being concerned for her feelings on her big day, but she isn’t concerned with yours at all. You’ve spent $15,000!!!! FIFTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS ON SOMEONE ELSE’S WEDDING. Just sit back and think about that. That is more than a lot of people spend on their wedding and honeymoon combined, that is more than a year’s worth of rent/house payments for some people. And this is all for extravagent things that ARE NOT needed for SOMEONE ELSE’S WEDDING.

 

I’m sorry if any of that above came off as harsh, but girl come one. Stand up for yourself, put your footdown and cut her off. I would cancel the trip unless people contribute money, and use it as a vacation for your family.

Post # 50
Member
1449 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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lateralus462 :  it’s too late now, but in the future I recommend doing a tad of research into standard prices for things before purchasing them. Ignorance is not an excuse. The Internet has a lot of information. Just because you were inexperienced in weddings does not mean you should be taken for a ride. Don’t let a similar thing happen to you in the future for a house, or children’s items or schools or…

Post # 51
Member
1898 posts
Buzzing bee

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lateralus462 :  your heart may be in the right place, but you’re not dealing with her the right way. Try Al-anon. She’s exhibiting very typical addict behavior and I’m sorry but you’re falling for it and playing right into it. Educate yourself. 

She’s fresh out of rehab with 8 kids and you spent 15k on wedding bullshit like favors and boats? Look at your choices! You’re letting her manipulate you and call all the shots. Not okay! I get that you’re trying to be nice but this is insane. 

Regardless of where you’re from you don’t give a drug addict (much less heroin, the worst of all) access to your accounts. You can’t treat her like a normal sister, because she’s not a normal person. 

Post # 52
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee

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lateralus462 : I’m just curious as to why you didn’t say no at Sam’s. Some of the other things were out of your control (the phone call to your DH, the total for the Etsy stuff) but you were right there at Sam’s and even with her really screwed up comment about the costs for the bridal party, versus the bride, you still paid for it!! That is utterly baffling to me. You seem to be upset that most of those things you found out afterwards when it was too late but you also said you are now assuming you’re paying for dinner too because she told her friends everything is free and although you know beforehand and are in a position to stop it from happening, you’re still just going to go with it? With 3 digits in your account? Good luck with that. Believe me, all those people eating and drinking, it’s going to run into the thousands. This leads me to believe you will have to break into the joint account which is unfair on your hubby. Sit her down and tell her NOW that you are unable to pay for dinner and if you guys get to the end of the night and nobody has their purses, it will get really embarrassing for her because you simply can’t afford it.

Also, you made it clear that all of this was out of your account however you mentioned you now probably can’t go on a family holiday because of it. Does that mean you were planning on paying for it out of your own account? If not then what you’re saying doesn’t add up.

Sorry, but enablers don’t get to vent and/or complain. At first I was all team you but by the end I realised most of it is your fault. JUST. SAY. NO!!

Post # 53
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee

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lateralus462 : Oh and change your Etsy account information ASAP!!

Post # 54
Member
1751 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

You sound like a really kind person who wanted to help your SIL – and I understand that completely – I’m the same way. I’m like you – I try to be as thrifty as possible – and I have run my own business in the past – so i know how you can have money now – but you don’t know about next week. 

At this point you need to seriously stop it all – take back whatever you can, stop payment on all credit card purchases. She needs to be told it’s not YOUR wedding, it’s hers, so she needs to pay for it. I understand she had a small first wedding – but so did a lot of us. You have to have the wedding that you can afford – and obviously she can’t afford this.

i would tell her that this is all out of control. You need to have a meeting with her – and your husband needs to be there too – so she doesn’t try crying, or guilt you more. Tell her you’re done paying. It stops today. You’ve paid for the cottage, you’re cancelling the boat, you’re not paying for any food or drinks at the cottage. You’re not even taking a credit card with you – just enough cash for yourself. You’re not paying for tuxes or clothes for the kids (except your own kids). If she wants stuff, she can’t rely on you. 

This is done. The credit card goes away. Change your ETSY password so she doesn’t buy any more. Who knows what MORE she has planned for you to pay for in the months leading up to the wedding? This could end up costing you $20,000 more if you don’t stop now. 

(And an expensive wedding doesn’t make a great marriage! I’ve seen people spend $100,000+ and divorce a year later. I spent less than $2000 for our wedding (we were both in University) and we celebrated 25 years in June.) 

Post # 55
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

Wow… This is insane. My wedding dress was $300 and it was lovely. My honeymoon was $450 and it was incredible. My bridesmaids dresses were $80 and they were gorgeous. You don’t need to spend money to be happy. 

I get it nice things are wonderful! I bought myself a nice $150 dress yesterday I didn’t need… But it’s classic and I can wear for lots and lots of years. A wedding is at most a weeks worth of events… 

*Hugs.*

That is so hard and I don’t understand but yes, your heart is trying to be in the right place. 

Sadly, you are enabling her and that is the opposite of help. 

I second a calm discussion of what you’ve spent and how you are being ruined. She’s ruining you. You’re ruining you too as you let it go on. I’m so sorry. You gotta put your foot down. You can do it with kindness. Money won’t help same as heroin won’t help. Happiness isn’t those things. 

please, please, please stop. Your poor family. :'( 

Post # 56
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

Also, if the girls night goes on (which the family gathering at he cabin sounds better) let all the servers and bartenders and anyone associated with where you go to eat know it’s all seperate tabs!!! 

She can’t have a single dime more from you. You have to have to stick to that. 

Post # 57
Member
3053 posts
Sugar bee

Cancel the party and change all login details for any accounts you gave to her. Also cancel any bank cards that she may know the details for. She is taking advantage of you because you are letting her. Holy shit we’re not even spending $15k on our WEDDING. She is insane!!

Post # 58
Member
1720 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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lateralus462 :  and let’s see these dresses that cost so much! Might as well get a little thrill out of this thread 

Post # 60
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I have no idea why you would feel bad for this woman and worry about ruining her wedding – she sounds horrible. People who extort their friends emotionally for 15k do not deserve pretty princess weddings anyway.

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