(Closed) Out of Place Bridesmaid

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1117 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I have a similar worry! I asked my Future Sister-In-Law to be a bridesmaid so she would feel included in the wedding festivities, and also because Fiance asked my brother (which I thought was incredibly sweet). However, she does NOT have the same idea of “fun” as the rest of us girls! We like to party, drink, get a little wild… and she is a drug counselor whose entire life revolves around her children. 

We haven’t had the bachelorette party yet so I can’t say for certain how it will turn out… but I think the girls are trying to plan something where she can be present for the first part (say dinner?) and then cut out if we start getting too “crazy” for her liking. 

On another note, I do have a few friends who are complete tee-totalers for various reasons (religious, health, etc.), but still know how to have a great time at a party! If she knows what she’s getting herself into, she may still have a good time… and again, just leave early if things start getting too wild!

Post # 3
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

In a wedding I was recently in, one of the bridesmaids didn’t drink by conservative/Christian-ish choice. She doesn’t think it’s a sin, she just feels it isn’t good for her relationship with God. She didn’t come to the bachelorette after she was warned about what would take place, and honestly, after hanging out with her at the wedding, I wish she had been there. She is a great person–so fun, and so easy going! She is also not uncomfortable around alcohol or heavy drinkers. We didn’t have any sex-themed decorations at the bachelorette. I think she would have had fun. 

You definitely shouldn’t compromise your party–it’s a party for you, not her, but also don’t automatically assume that she will feel awkward just because others are drinking more than her. I would just advise her of what is going to go down and ask her if she feels comfortable attending. Don’t over-sell the partying, though (I think that’s what happened in my case above). Just be honest about what you think the night will be like and ask her how she feels. If she isn’t into it, tell her she doesn’t have to come. If you try to tweek your party accomodate her, she will still probably be uncomfortable and the rest of you won’t have a very good time either. There are other festivities that she can take part in. If the bachelorette isn’t for her, no big deal. 

Post # 4
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

Just warn her ahead of time, in detail. I am a more conservative chick myself. So long as someone gives me ample warning, I can put on a game face for pretty much anything. That being said, be prepared for her to respectfully decline an invitation to some events she doesn’t feel comfortable with. At the end of the day, it’s not about her feeling comfortable enough to come to every event. It’s about her feeling welcome and wanted. 

Post # 5
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Well let her know how each night will likely go, and how much you intend to drink/party. Just because she doesn’t drink like a fish, doesn’t mean that she doesn’t know how to have fun, or that she won’t have fun with you. It’s not like she doesn’t drink at all, you said she tends to just do 2-3… that’s a reasonable amount.  I’m not a huge drinker by any means, but  I have plenty of friends who are, and I get by just fine. 

Post # 6
Member
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

I wouldn’t call only having 2-3 drinks conservative, I mean damn how much more do you need. I agree give her fair warning and she will manage accordingly.

Post # 7
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Yes, just let her come. I agree with bklynbridetobe that 2-3 drinks is not conservative. I don’t drink at all but would support a friend or family member at their events. If it gets too wild and crazy, she can just leave.

Post # 9
Member
2595 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

View original reply
BritneyK:  I have a bridesmaid who is Muslim so no alcohol for her but she will still be invited to the bachelorette party.

Post # 10
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

“I would understand if we got sloshy but we tend to keep our nights out pretty reserved, we hate clubs and ‘going dancing’, a restaurant or quiet classy bar is much more our speed.”

I don’t really understand what you’re worried about, then. I don’t drink at all, but that doesn’t mean I think badly of friends who do have something to drink.

Post # 11
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
BritneyK:  I was the out of place bridesmaid. All the rest were friends with each other plus they enjoyed drinking & I have nothing against it but I don’t care for it. I still attended alll the events and had a fairly decent time. It would have been better if I had more to talk to everyone about but it was still pretty enjoyable. 

Post # 12
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
BritneyK:  Just read your update. I also don’t think badly of anyone who enjoys to drink every once in a while when they’re celebrating something, it’s just not something I’m into.

Post # 13
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
BritneyK: I used to be a heavy drinker when I was going through my “party hard” phase when I was younger. Now, not so much. That wouldn’t affect me at all if I went out with people who drank a lot. I don’t need alcohol to have fun. You guys can drink and your cousin can still take part in activities with a soda in her hand instead. What’s the big deal? The only issue is if you all get totally wasted and she, the sober one, is forced to look after you all. But you said you don’t get sloppy anyway so there really isn’t an issue. If she does want to have a couple of drinks but no more, she’ll probably drag it out anyway. I know when I go out for drinks with the girls, they can have 3 cocktails while I’m still working on 1 and nobody really cares.

Post # 14
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

You can simply ask her what her limits are. She would most likely be down for dinner and skip the rest. Talk to her and give her options

The topic ‘Out of Place Bridesmaid’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors