Post # 1
Fiance and I moved out of our home state (NY) a month after our engagement to move to KY for FI’s work and we are relocating with the company to AL mid-January. The wedding will be July 2015. Our venue is booked and the photographer is booked, but everything else is up in the air. We will be home for four days at Thanksgiving and two-weeks at Christmas. I’m planning to settle the menu and venue details with the coordinator over Christmas, but I’m at a loss for shower and bachelor/ette parties. We also left too quickly to have an engagement party. I know these are things planned by the family and the bridesmaids, but they all seem to be waiting on my cue. My sister (MOH) and my mother keep asking me what I want to do, but I really don’t know what’s best. I’m a very simple person and usually base my decisions on what’s best for the group, but nobody lets you do that for your own wedding! Fiance has tried to help, but the ettiquette side of things has his head spinning.
I don’t feel completely comfortable with a shower. We’ve pretty much established ourselves in our apartment, and while somethings could be upgraded, anything received would have to be shipped NY-KY-AL in a matter of weeks. I don’t know if FI’s (large) family is expecting a shower. There’s only two women who would attend on my side, my mother and sister, plus my two best friends, so it’d be quite lopsided for my mother to host, as she only knows FI’s mom and one of his grandmothers. I think maybe I just leave this one to chance? I don’t want my mother to feel obligated though, and I don’t want to get off to a bad start with FI’s family.
I’m also hoping to see as many people as I can when I’m home to visit, including college friends and extended family I won’t see on Christmas. Since it will be the only trip home before the wedding and I miss them dearly, I would love to have an excuse to gather. Fiance and I have discussed hosting a Christmas party ourselves in lieu of an engagement party and then giving my sister the option of “hosting” it as an ornament shower if she and my mother feel it’s necessary to have a shower. They would ask everyone to bring an ornament for our future tree in lieu of a gift. (Also easier to ship, store and pack.) We would have it between Christmas and New Year’s, so ornaments would be dirt cheap. It would have to be a afternoon lunch affair because winter travel in NY, especially at night, can be treacherous. We’d ask a friend to book the local American Legion hall for free and bring in our favorite local foods, along with snacks and beverages. In July, we’d then have a small Jack and Jill Bachelor/ette night of cards and whiskey after the rehearsal dinner when we are finally home for the wedding and forego all other pre-wedding events.
Is this an awful idea? What did you do? What would you recommend?
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Post # 2
Here is what I did. I fly into Chicago for a long weekend and I had my bachlorette party Friday night, mani/pedis with mimosas Saturday morning, and then my bridal shower Sunday afternoon. I registerd at BBB and some people shipped me gifts but most brought them to the shower. It was slightly inconvient but I had my mom return all the big presents to BBB and they kept track of what I received and returned on my registry list. I then either bought them at the local BBB here in TX or I ordered it online from BBB with free shipping directly to me. I did not have an engagment party.
Post # 3
Skipping the shower is a fine idea. So is the ornament shower. If the rehearsal is the night before the wedding, I’d switch the Jack and Jill (aside: I’m assuming it’s just a coed party and not a fundraiser, which is what a Jack and Jill means in some parts of Canada) to happen during the day, before the rehearsal. BBQ and lawn games, etc. Whisky party the night before the wedding might not be the greatest idea ever. People will be nursing hangovers for the wedding if you host a whisky-centric event the night before.
if you go with the ornament shower, you may want to ask that guests stick to wood/metal/cloth/plastic ornaments which are going to be a lot easier to get home than delicate glass ornaments. I’d never put those in a checked bag and TSA will make you unwrap any that are in hand luggage if they look weird on the scanner machines.
Post # 4
We did shower/bachlore/bachlorett parties in the same day. It wasn’t because I was so far away, but a few of the bridesmaids were, and my SIL works at a hospital and couldn’t ask off a ton of weekends. It worked very well, and meant only one trip or weekend off for everyone.
I LOVE the christmas tree decoration shower. I think the best shower gift I ever saw is my friends aunt giving her decorations for every season.
Having seen the bachlore/bachlorett parties the night before the wedding, I wouldn’t do it. You end up with a bunch of crancky people on your wedding day. Same with the Thursday before. We have done that in my group of friends twice now and neither time I felt like the attnedies or the bride actually got to enjoy as everyone was thinking of all the things that needed to get done the next day, either work or wedding stuff. I know I spent three days partially drunk because of it, and by Sunday I didn’t want to talk to or look at anyone.
Post # 5
Yes, co-ed. We use “Jack and Jill” for co-ed showers. The fundraiser type of parties are starting to catch on in Northern New York. (Mostly, I think, because most people have exhausted savings and the economy is still very bad.) That said, we’re not big drinkers…we’d just have a Jack and Coke or two over cards while we were tearing down the rehearsal dinner (backyard BBQ-type deal). I don’t know if many of my friends will be able to afford to come in more than the night before and we’ll have to be at the venue that afternoon. I’ll just have to buy a small
bottle of whiskey!
I will make a note about the delicacy of the ornaments! I didn’t think about that. Growing up, I didn’t know anyone who had very fragile ornaments because of kids/dogs/cats, and they can be more expensive. My mother had a few antique glass bulbs, but most were heavy ceramic, plastic or cloth. I’ll make sure if we do, that my sister mentions it to our guests.
Post # 6
I’m glad you mentioned the Thursday before because I’ve looked at both. All of Fiance and my friends are coming from at least an hour away or more. (Most a three hour in-state drive, but also some from Nebraska, North Carolina, Rhode Island.) Everyone’s moved away in the last year or so, or we met in college and are from other villages, so we kinda have to compact things.
We are lucky in that most do not drink to excess, so hangovers should not be an issue but I’m trying to avoid a Bacherlorette with just the girls because, unlike FI’s guys and my other friends, my four bridesmaids (sister, FI’s cousin, two childhood BFFs) are absolute lushes and I barely drink. But I digress…
P.S. Decorations for all seasons is such a cute gift idea!
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2015 - Church
We are doing a golden BBQ theme ie all of the decor is gold but it is in the backyard and it is a BBQ. only local people are going and its mostly his family and my girlfriends because my family lives far away.