(Closed) Out of state BM?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I only have the one Bridesmaid or Best Man and she’s waaay out of state.  Honestly, I’m not asking her to do very much other than listen to me vent occasionally about planning and reassure me that I am not losing my mind. That said, if I ever had a question about music or food or similar she’d be the first person I’d call or e-mail.

Post # 4
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have 2 MOHs and 3 BMs. All but 1 are out of state! Maid/Matron of Honor is in NYC (about 1 hr from me but comes home frequently) other Maid/Matron of Honor (who’s getting married 8/1) and 2 other BMs are all in MA (2 1/2 hrs away but we see eachother almost every month).

It’s definitely hard. I still have like 9 months till the big day so I haven’t really asked for their help yet (and no one has even offered) but it was like pulling teeth trying to find a date to go try on Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses together so we can order together… I finally said go to your local store to try it on and get your measurements to me by April 1. I think it’s also hard because 2 of my BMs are my MOHs BMs too so I feel like it’s a lot asking them to do things for 2 weddings.. I feel like mine’s less the priority and gets put on the back burner because it comes 2 1/2 months later. Sorry for the vent! haha

But short answer, yeah I feel your pain (that is if it’s been a pain).

Post # 5
350 posts
Helper bee

My sister was my Maid/Matron of Honor and lived in another state (where the wedding was being held.)  She was a huge help in wedding planning, and we just did everything over phone or email.  One of my local bridesmaids threw the bachelorette and shower with my friends here.  I had 3 other bridesmaids who lived in other states and with very busy lives, so I didn’t really expect them to do much other than buy the dress and come to the rehearsal and of course the wedding.

Post # 6
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

My original Bridesmaid or Best Man was out of state.  My advice is to just give them some slack because they won’t be able to be involved as much as people who live nearby.

Post # 7
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

All of my Bridesmaid or Best Man are really far away!

My Maid/Matron of Honor is in BC I am in Ontario – this is a week’s drive away!

Bridesmaid or Best Man #1 – lives in NY – 5 hour drive away!

Bridesmaid or Best Man #2 – lives in NY – 8 hour drive away!

I don’t expect anything from my girls except emotional support when I need it and the obligatory Bridesmaid or Best Man stuff – Bachelorette, shower, Rehearsal Dinner and wedding day!

My Maid/Matron of Honor is getting married a month before me and so we chat almost everyday and often discuss planning and we are each-other’s go to person!

Post # 8
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

hahaha I think I am expecting too much based on some of your posts!

I think cause I know even though I’m out of state (I’m the Maid/Matron of Honor for my MOHs who’s getting married in Aug) I am doing everything I can to be involved and help out. Guess I feel like I’m not getting that back in return which hurts a little. But I’m also really into planning and need to understand other aren’t– this is why I love and am OBSESSED with WB b/c you ladies understand it all! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

3 of my 5 BM’s are out of state, including my MOH!

luckily, 2 of them are in Chicago which is only a 5 hour drive… and they’re from here so they visit at least a few times during the year!

when i first got engaged i started an weekly, if not more frequent, e-mail chain to all my BM’s so that they got to know each other and stayed in the loop of my planning/engaged life! ๐Ÿ™‚

it’s worked out really well. we’ve been able to figure out dress fittings, ordering their dresses, coordinating dates for the bachelorette party, etc.



Post # 11
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My Maid/Matron of Honor is out of state. We keep tabs over email every week. Any advice I email her options and questions. She’s been great. She is coming home May 21-23 to throw me a Bach party and then she will be home for a week and a half over the wedding week leading up to the wedding and will stay until we leave on our honeymoon!!!

Email has been our savior!!!

Post # 12
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

5/7 of my bms, and my mom, live out of state, but it hasn’t been a big deal at all. i have really low expectations though, i think, and my fi is really involved in all the planning and decision-making.

Post # 13
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Two of mine are. Honestly, all I ask of them is that they buy the dress and come to the wedding, with the dress on.

My Maid/Matron of Honor is local, though, and her and her wife are super helpful. That has been great.

Post # 14
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I live in Maine along with one Bridesmaid or Best Man and my Maid/Matron of Honor, two of my bridesmaids live in Massachusetts (not a big deal), and one lives in Washington state.  I have kept a blog to keep my Washington bridesmaid updated on what’s going on and she gives ideas over the phone and email.  It’s more important to me that she feel included and be part of the big ceremony and reception.

Post # 15
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I did…& it didn’t work out. She actually lived out of town and then came to live where I live, but then decided to go back home. I asked her to become my Maid/Matron of Honor when she lived here, and she PROMISED me she wouldn’t move. Turns out, she was planning on moving without even telling me!! Needless to say, she’s not my Maid/Matron of Honor anymore..but it worked out for the best!

I give you ladies props who can have Maid/Matron of Honor & bridesmaids out of town! I don’t think I could do it. Even though I don’t need my ladies there on a dime, I just don’t think I could do it easily!

Post # 16
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I had 8 bridesmaids and 5 of them were out of state and also, including me.  I had my wedding in PA and I live in WA. 

I didn’t really ask them of anything because I did most of the planning and they were all over the country and so I couldn’t really coordinate any wedding related activies.

I kept them in the loop with almost everything.  I asked them for ideas, suggestions.  I would send them a timeline of what events I wanted to do at what time for the reception.

I did come to PA a week and half before the wedding and that is where I asked for everyone’s help. 

I told them all I needed help the week before the wedding but I guess I didn’t tell them how bad I needed their help.  After one of my bm saw how much help I needed… she convinced the other Bridesmaid or Best Man to help.  The advice I would give is make sure if you need help … maybe sure you really tell them that you do.  (I don’t know if that makes sense)

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