(Closed) Out- of -state shower etiquette

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I haven’t dealt with this before, but I’ve heard it’s poor etiquette to ask them to ship your gifts to your house. I’m guessing that they’ll want to see you open your presents and “ooh” and “ahh” over them. I’ve heard that shipping with UPS is cheaper than flying with checked luggage these days – maybe check that out as an option for some of the gifts? Or see if you can “store” some of the presents with your parents until your home reception (when you’ll probably get even more gifts) then rent a uhaul to get everything home at that time?

Post # 4
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

For your first question I think as long as they are invited to a reception it’s fine.

For the second question, most hostesses put something on the invite indicating that the bride is travelling for the shower and would appreciate either small gifts or gift cards.  A cute poem or something.  That way guests understand that you can’t just fly back to MD with all of it in your luggage.

Post # 5
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think as far as gifts go, have your shower hostesses mention the gifts thing to your guests–not on the invitation itself, but by word of mouth or email.  You could also return the gifts in your home state to the store where you registered, and then buy them when you get home.  I know Bed Bath and Beyond lets you return gifts without a receipt.

Post # 6
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I can’t say I know about the situation with ppl being invited to an after wedding reception.  But to me, it doesn’t sound OK to invite them to the shower if they aren’t invited to the actual wedding.  Now if it’s a case of they are invited to the wedding, but they are going to the after wedding reception because THEY can’t make the wedding, then you’re fine.  But if they are only being invited to the after wedding reception, it kind of feels like, they made the b-list.  So inviting them to the shower would be like asking for two gifts, while they aren’t worthy of your space and money.  (I know that’s not your intention. I’m harsh on stuff like that, so maybe I’m the only one who’d feel that way.)

As for shipping gifts etc.  I don’t think there is a good way to ask.  I moved 1/2 way across the country, right after my wedding.  So I had to ship all of my shower and wedding gifts.  You know what?   I found a way.  I think I looked into an actual moving company, but found that just UPSing it was cheaper.  (Or maybe I have it backwards.  It’s been a while.)  You could also look inot returning some of your gifts to the store.  They might give you store credit or something.  That would be easier to carry on the plane 😉

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