(Closed) Out of state wedding etiquette

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
817 posts
Busy bee

A cheap gift wouldn’t be horrible at all! If it’s on their registry, it probably means that they want it and would be happy to receive it. I’d go that route. You don’t know how many times people complain about not getting gifts– save yourself the heartache and get them something inexpensive.

Post # 3
9567 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

You could always send a gift later when the finances recover (I’m still receiving  gifts, wedding was last Sept!) or just do a card and simple inexpensive gift. I think people understand the expense of traveling for a wedding, and if they don’t that’s their problem for being ingrates not yours. 

Post # 4
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

From the perspective of my wedding gift experience:  I did not judge people at all who got me a card and an inexpensive gift ($20 gift card, etc).  I didn’t expect people to give me gifts, but I did find it awkward when there was no card or gift from certain people.  That caused me anxiety thinking I may have somehow lost their gift or something.  When I had a documented gift, I was perfectly happy to know they were just on a budget or whatever, and I could happily write them a thank-you note knowing that I didn’t somehow misplace anything or have something stolen.

Post # 5
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

That’s why they have cheap stuff on the registry! There will always be nasty couples who are ticked about not getting a “nicer” present. If they’re one of them, better for you to know and say good riddance to that friendship. 

I think @pearlrose brings up a good point. If there’s no card that day it may get awkward because the couple may be afraid it was lost. That will only be a few dollars and bring them some piece of mind. And hey a heartfelt note is free and can be nicer than a check if their hearts are in the right place! 

Post # 6
1304 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t feel bad about getting a gift off the registry…it’s there because they want it. 

A good friend will recognize that you traveled far to come and participate. 


Btw…custom suits for groomsmen?? 

Post # 7
2617 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I would totally get a cheap thing off the registry.  They know you are spending a lot on their wedding with travel, lodging, clothing, etc.  Just get a nice card and something small of the registry- that’s perfectly fine!!!

Post # 8
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

For all that travel, a nicely written card would be just perfect. We had lots of people travel cross country to our wedding and we did not want any of them to get us gifts! Reading cards from everyone was really nice though.

Post # 9
1176 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Something small off their registry is totally fine!  I just have to add that and I know some will disagree with me, but I hate it when B&G makes their Bridal Party pay for expensive attire!  Especially if it’s for a Destination Wedding or out-of-town wedding.

Post # 12
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

View original reply
anon7777 :  Tip – If in a city that has Uber, USE IT OVER TAXIs.  LOL.  Does your friend have a room block at any hotels?  Those are sometimes setup to be cheaper

Post # 14
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We didn’t even get a gift from one of my husband’s groomsmen, but we knew that there was a financial sacrifice on his part to come to the wedding, stay at the hotel, and rent a tux. I did not feel slighted in the least because of the effort that was made. 

I like the suggestion of the PP to send a gift when finances recover, or a smaller gift as you suggested would also be good.

Post # 15
13999 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Get a nice card and give them your well wishes.  You’ve spent enough!  

Also, I don’t know about New York, but here in DC, Uber is WAY cheaper than taxis.

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