(Closed) Out of town bridal party and guests: who pays?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6824 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You do not have to pay no. The Bride/Groom are not expected to pay for guests hotel rooms. Or even wedding party rooms. If that was the case I would say most of us who have out of town guests would not be having all those people.

Post # 4
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

There is no need to pay for out of town guests or bridal party. If you have the money to pay for your bridal party I think its a nice gesture but not at all expected.

Post # 5
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I have never heard that before. You can’t be expected to pay for hotels for every out of town guest, that would be crazy expensive!

Post # 6
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2007

Its the first time I have heard of it. It would be a nice gesture for OTT Bridal Party members but I won’t expect it as a Bridal Party member either.

Post # 7
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t think you have to do that-but it’s a nice gesture (esp for the bridal party if you have the money). Only thing I would think you’d have do is invite/pay for the out of town guests to your rehearsal dinner.

Post # 8
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If you have the means and don’t mind, it would be a nice gesture, but that would be way over and beyond what I’ve ever seen! It might be nice to pay for your Bridal Party for the night of the wedding as a token of your appreciation for their travels, but all out of town guests seems a bit excessive and super expensive!

I guess it depends on what you are willing/able/comfortable with spending. If you offer, expect people to be pleasantly surprised, but if you don’t I doubt anyone will think twice about it.

Post # 9
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee

Well, your mom is “sort of” right. She certainly has nice instincts for hospitality, but they may not be realistic.

Assuming that you are marrying from home, in your family’s home town, with other relatives and close family friends living in the same town, then relatively few of your guests will be from out of town. Assuming you all live in houses with guest-rooms, then it would be normal hospitality for your parents and all of your close relatives and very closest friends, to offer hospitality to out-of-town guests who are travelling to your wedding. Back in the fifties, when people were moving into smaller houses and more people were living in apartments, etiquette experts began reassuring people that it was acceptable, if you really didn’t have space in your house, to put such guests up in a hotel instead. A hotel was considered LESS hospitable than a room in your house, but MORE hospitable than making a guests sleep on the sofa if that was all you had to offer.

Fast forward to the twenty-first century. Most brides aren’t getting married in their family home town, even if they have one. Most families are spread across the continent; and many weddings are at “destination” locations. Most people who do have a house at the wedding location do not have a guest room, and even if they do, most guests would rather have the convenience of room service and privacy than have to adapt to someone else’s household. Nice and hospitable as the old standard was, it doesn’t fit in most circumstances.

If your mother has available spare rooms, she should indeed invite guests to stay in them; and if she has close family nearby in the same envieable position, they should offer guest-space as well. At which point the guests will probably decline and stay in a hotel anyway, and all your obligations have been met. If no-one has the rooms to offer, you can decide for yourself how obligated you feel to offer hotel rooms instead. If you do offer rooms, they have to be up to the standard you wold be willing to stay in yourself: so if you have Motel 6 tastes, you don’t have to offer Hilton rooms — but if you wouldn’t dream of entering a Motel 6 yourself you can’t inflict that on your guests. In general, it may be better to leave the choice (and the bill) up to them.

Post # 10
Member
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You don’t have to pay for anybody. If you want to great, I’m sure they’d appreciate it!

Post # 12
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We would never pay for Out of Town guests (there are WAY too many of them) but we are paying for a couple nights for the Bridal Party. Four rooms for two nights, just to help alleviate some of their costs. My parents offered and they are not including it as part of the money they are giving us. Yes, they rock. But I know that some of my Bridal Party are coming early, and they will have to pay for that time themselves. We’re just trying to make sure *my* wedding doesn’t make *them* broke, especially since the bridesmaids dresses are almost $300 (it was the only one I liked!).

Post # 13
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Pay for Bridal Party and Out of Town guests — ABSOLUTELY NOT. And I’m a huge stickler for etiquette! 🙂

I mean, if money is no object, you can. But I’m assuming for 99% of us, that isn’t the case.

Post # 14
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

The only time I’ve really heard of this is if the hosts rent out a motel or something and have rooms for family and Bridal Party, but it’s definitely not common.  Literally one couple on my entire list lives locally, so it would triple my budget if I were to host everyone.  No worries!

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