(Closed) out of town guest

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I bring a gift?
    Yes : (40 votes)
    87 %
    No : (5 votes)
    11 %
    Other (please comment) : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    325 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I think it’s going to boil down to what you can afford. If it were my wedding (and I did have a wedding that 95% of guests traveled to and paid hotel costs for) I would not expect a gift from any of the out of town guests who I knew paid hundreds just to be there. However, if it were also me attending I’d find a way to give a gift anyway. Either have a gift shipped to their residence so you and they don’t have to travel with it, or put a check in your card.

    But realistically if it is all you can afford just to attend, I wouldn’t stress out about an additional gift. 

    Post # 4
    583 posts
    Busy bee

    The overwhelming majority of our guests are coming from out of town.  I’m not expecting presents from any of our friends travelling (I am from my parents friends but that’s because they’re all financially stable and have already asked a billion times for registry info).  I’m also not even expecting our local friends to bring gifts because they’re all coworkers and we are all broke as a joke.  I’m actually going to tell them not to bring a gift and that we just want to celebrate with them.

    Post # 5
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would at least give a card congratulating them. If you can afford a gift off of their registry or a check in addition then give that as well. But if you can’t afford a gift, then a nice card and your attendance is enough.

    ETA: I reread and your post and you said you plan on a card either way. So just give a gift (maybe something small) if you can afford it.

    Post # 6
    576 posts
    Busy bee

    If it were me, I’d still give the couple a gift, even if it was just a small (inexpensive) one. 

    I recently traveled to a quickie wedding (about 4 wks notice) and spent a few hundred dollars on gas and hotel rooms. I was happy to be there, but couldn’t afford a nice gift (we are paying for our own wedding) so I just gave them a gift card to where they were registered for. I think it’s more the thought that counts.

    Post # 7
    2233 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Personally I would feel uncomfortable going without a gift even with all the expenses of attending. This is just me, I feel awkward attending anything without a gift (thank you mom) so I would bring even something small. 

    Post # 8
    2622 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Etiquette and what i would do are two different things.

    No, you are not required, but i do think you should get something small. Find the $30 item and buy it with a coupon, etc.


    Post # 9
    703 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    you are spending a large chunck of money to attend but I agree w.pps, a small gift to go with the card would prob be best!

    Post # 10
    4069 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    We’re spending US$4000+ to attend an old friends wedding next spring (my friend).  We’ve had to make sacrifices including not seeing our families for the holidays (christmas etc).  We have had to pinch pennies and as I am currently unemployed finances are tight. I would be mortified not to take a gift.  But I’m not saying it’ll be expensive either.  It’s a decision we made and, as of yet, not one we regret.  We want to attend.

    (I should add that we’re 7000 miles from the wedding, and flights are expensive! *sigh*)

    Post # 11
    9631 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    definitely bring a gift, just perhaps a smaller one than you would bring to a local wedding, make sure it is affordable 🙂

    Post # 12
    1239 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    @bestbuddies:  I dont think you have to but I guess be prepared that other guests might so a card is a good idea.  I have only been to 1 Destination Wedding but it was a 24 hr flight and v expesnive to attend.  We were told not to bring gifts and we didnt.  We are having a Destination Wedding and dont want guests to bring gifts and will tell them such.

    Post # 13
    515 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Since you are spending a lot of money, an expensive gift isn’t necessary, but a small token gift and a card would be polite, even if the gift is just a small check or gift card. Perhaps a gift card to a nice restaurant and you could say you’d like to treat them to their first dinner out as a married couple.

    Post # 15
    1813 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I really didn’t expect a gift from any of my guests who travelled from the UK for our wedding, but everybody brought something.  Some were token gifts – inexpensive, but with a lot of sentimental thought gone into it.  A photo album for us to put the non-pro pics in, his n hers mugs with our names and wedding date, and so on.  I would suggest you do something the same, just as a token – it really does mean a lot, especially if it’s something you’ve really put your thought into.

    Post # 16
    11752 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Proper etiquette I believe does not require Out of Town guests to bring a gift. If you can afford it I would though but if you can’t then your presence is always enough.

    The topic ‘out of town guest’ is closed to new replies.

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