(Closed) Out of Town Guest – No +1?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would email back with a polite, “I understand that entirely, plus ones are a lot of stress!  I would love to go to your wedding, but unfortunately I will not be able to attend.  I hope you have a wonderful day, and next time you’re in town with your new husband, drop by so we can take you out to dinner and celebrate,” or something.

Post # 4
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Would you be open to bringing someone along for the weekend away, and separating briefly for the wedding?

Are you sure there’s not going to be anyone else there that you know?

Post # 5
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I think if you were to decline after having already accepted the invitation, and after being told that the couple cannot accommodate your guest, it would look as if you are somehow upset about that decision and may be reacting to that. If you care about your relationship with your friend, and if you had been looking forward to attending her wedding when you thought you were able to bring a guest, I think you should still plan to attend.

Post # 6
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

I would never go to a wedding alone. I would be terribly uncomfortable…and almost embarassed. ESPECIALLY since you don’t know anyone… how awkward and boring that sounds. And its an out of town wedding? 

I definitely dont think its rude to back out now. The bride and groom cannot expect you to travel alone, pay for and stay at a hotel alone and go solo to a wedding where you know no one. Just send back a polite emailing saying you can no longer attend. HappierKate’s suggestion was great!

 

 

Post # 7
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think since you already made a commitment to go, it would look bad to back out now just because you cannot bring a date. I would go and try to meet people. 

Post # 8
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

From one not very extroverted person to another…..I think that it is ok to back out as long as it is still within the RSVP period. Tell her that you aren’t angry about the +1 policy, but that you aren’t comfortable going to an out-of-town wedding where you don’t know anyone by yourself. If you didn’t have to travel or if you had other friends attending the wedding I would say to just suck it up. I know that I would be miserable and lonely. 

I would still send a lovely gift, and try and make plans to see one another at a later date.

Post # 9
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Duchess Lena:  yeah, i think explaining that you aren’t upset about not being able to bring a guest but feel uncomfortable since you don’t know anyone is the best solution.

Post # 11
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@HappierKate:  I like this response because it shows that you’re not angry with her or arguing over her +1 policy.

Post # 12
Member
9653 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

It had a space for guests on the invite? So it said +1 on your invite?

Cos if it didn’t then I think it should be assumed that it’s just you, I think you should still go, you were invited and did agree to go. If you back out now they will know you only were going cos you thought you could bring someone. Yes you made it clear that you understand their policy, but now you’re not going cos you can’t go alone. There are several threads on here about guests bringing uninvited people, and assuming they could bring someone, and backing out when they were told no. I suggest you go and show your support for the bride and groom on the big day.

Post # 13
Member
9653 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

And sure sending them a gift if you weren’t going is nice, but they invited you cos they wanted you there on the day, not just get a gift and you not be there.

Post # 14
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@HappierKate:  I agree.  If you don’t feel comfortable going then don’t go.  I don’t think it’s rude at all (as long as it’s not like 3 days before the wedding).  I actually think it’s pretty lame you didn’t get a plus one since you are an Out of Town guest and you won’t know anyone.

Post # 15
Member
9653 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@RunsWithBears:  I disagree, I don’t think it’s lame that the bride and groom didn’t give her a plus one, it is their day and they may not want strangers at their wedding, there may be a limited number of guests they can have and I am sure they would prefer to invite the people they know and care about than a stranger. 

 

OP: If they get some no RSVPs they may consider allowing out of town guests to have a +1 but don’t expect it of them, it’s their day, not yours.

Post # 16
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

@Jacqui90:  I disagree.  if the bride was using her brains when she made the guestlist, then she should have realized the OP isn’t going to know anybody else at the wedding. in this case, she should be sympathetic and allow a guest. or not invite her at all. 

@krismae:  I think it’s ok to back out. just word your response super politely.  but I think it was so rude that she did not allow you to bring a guest, so if she thinks you are being rude for backing out, so be it. 

 

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