Post # 1
I was invited to a wedding that is out of town. My friend lived in my town for a few years, but grew up and went to colleges out of the area, so she has friends all over the place. I have never met her family, and have only met one of her FH friends.
Anyway, her invitation was a little unconventional (email), and it had a blank space for a guest, so I assumed that meant I was invited with a guest. Shortly after submitting my RSVP, I got an email from her saying they couldn’t accomidate guests (it was very polite). My thing is, I don’t know anyone else at the wedding besides the bride and groom, and I’m not the most extroverted person on earth. Is it rude to try to graciously back out of the wedding, after I already said I’d go? I don’t think it will be much fun for me, and I will have to spend a good amount of money on a hotel and travel arrangements. If it were a wedding in town, I wouldn’t mind, but this is basically scheduling a weekend in another town by myself.
Post # 3
I would email back with a polite, “I understand that entirely, plus ones are a lot of stress! I would love to go to your wedding, but unfortunately I will not be able to attend. I hope you have a wonderful day, and next time you’re in town with your new husband, drop by so we can take you out to dinner and celebrate,” or something.
Post # 4
Would you be open to bringing someone along for the weekend away, and separating briefly for the wedding?
Are you sure there’s not going to be anyone else there that you know?
Post # 5
I think if you were to decline after having already accepted the invitation, and after being told that the couple cannot accommodate your guest, it would look as if you are somehow upset about that decision and may be reacting to that. If you care about your relationship with your friend, and if you had been looking forward to attending her wedding when you thought you were able to bring a guest, I think you should still plan to attend.
Post # 6
I would never go to a wedding alone. I would be terribly uncomfortable…and almost embarassed. ESPECIALLY since you don’t know anyone… how awkward and boring that sounds. And its an out of town wedding?
I definitely dont think its rude to back out now. The bride and groom cannot expect you to travel alone, pay for and stay at a hotel alone and go solo to a wedding where you know no one. Just send back a polite emailing saying you can no longer attend. HappierKate’s suggestion was great!
Post # 7
I think since you already made a commitment to go, it would look bad to back out now just because you cannot bring a date. I would go and try to meet people.
Post # 8
From one not very extroverted person to another…..I think that it is ok to back out as long as it is still within the RSVP period. Tell her that you aren’t angry about the +1 policy, but that you aren’t comfortable going to an out-of-town wedding where you don’t know anyone by yourself. If you didn’t have to travel or if you had other friends attending the wedding I would say to just suck it up. I know that I would be miserable and lonely.
I would still send a lovely gift, and try and make plans to see one another at a later date.
Post # 9
@Duchess Lena: yeah, i think explaining that you aren’t upset about not being able to bring a guest but feel uncomfortable since you don’t know anyone is the best solution.
Post # 11
@HappierKate: I like this response because it shows that you’re not angry with her or arguing over her +1 policy.
Post # 12
It had a space for guests on the invite? So it said +1 on your invite?
Cos if it didn’t then I think it should be assumed that it’s just you, I think you should still go, you were invited and did agree to go. If you back out now they will know you only were going cos you thought you could bring someone. Yes you made it clear that you understand their policy, but now you’re not going cos you can’t go alone. There are several threads on here about guests bringing uninvited people, and assuming they could bring someone, and backing out when they were told no. I suggest you go and show your support for the bride and groom on the big day.
Post # 13
And sure sending them a gift if you weren’t going is nice, but they invited you cos they wanted you there on the day, not just get a gift and you not be there.
Post # 14
@HappierKate: I agree. If you don’t feel comfortable going then don’t go. I don’t think it’s rude at all (as long as it’s not like 3 days before the wedding). I actually think it’s pretty lame you didn’t get a plus one since you are an Out of Town guest and you won’t know anyone.
Post # 15
@RunsWithBears: I disagree, I don’t think it’s lame that the bride and groom didn’t give her a plus one, it is their day and they may not want strangers at their wedding, there may be a limited number of guests they can have and I am sure they would prefer to invite the people they know and care about than a stranger.
OP: If they get some no RSVPs they may consider allowing out of town guests to have a +1 but don’t expect it of them, it’s their day, not yours.
Post # 16
@Jacqui90: I disagree. if the bride was using her brains when she made the guestlist, then she should have realized the OP isn’t going to know anybody else at the wedding. in this case, she should be sympathetic and allow a guest. or not invite her at all.
@krismae: I think it’s ok to back out. just word your response super politely. but I think it was so rude that she did not allow you to bring a guest, so if she thinks you are being rude for backing out, so be it.