(Closed) Out of towners that won’t be attending – do I send an invite?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t sent. They already declined.

Post # 4
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yes, you still send.

Post # 5
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

It is still a good idea to send it even though they declined, people may want to send a card or gift even though they can not attend your wedding and they would not have the information to do so if they did not get the invitation.


Post # 6
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Yes, still send.  STD’s mean an invitation is coming and they might have changed their plans.  Even if they still can’t come, its a nice gesture.

Post # 7
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@BooRadley:  I totally agree.

OP you should definitely still send the formal invites. Also as PP said, your guests may not attend but may still want to send a gift.

Post # 8
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You either need to still send invitations or announcments to them.

Post # 9
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

YUP, ya still send.

Save the Date Cards… ARE NOT Invitations.  They are a way of giving someone a heads-up

Truly someone could change their mind in the inbetween time… and now make arrangements to attend.

Like someone else said, some people far away like to have either Invites or Wedding Annoucements (done after the fact) as a souvenier for weddings they aren’t able to attend

Also the whole Invite Package will give them the info they know on where to send any gifts (the return address)… not that gifts are important, but having an Invite in hand, usually is the “prompt” that keys a gift coming to the B&G as well.


Post # 10
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@mags2233:  im going to send invites to my family up north ; )

the out of the country invites i wouldn’t bother unless there rich lol

Post # 11
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If after receiving their Save-The-Date Cards, people had already let me know that they would not be able to attend, I would not send the invite. The invite is because you want people to celebrate with you on your wedding day, so by sending out an invite to people who’ve already told you that unfortunately they wouldn’t be able to attend your wedding seems to me like saying, ‘I know you said you wouldn’t be able to make my wedding, but here is an invite so you can still send us a gift!’  


Post # 12
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would say don’t send to those who have already declined. I agree with the previous poster. I declined a distant friend’s save the date but ended up with an invite anyways. Now I’m wondering if she just sent it because she wants a gift…it seems kind of strange since she knows I live overseas and my plans aren’t going to change. 

Post # 13
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You should still send according to etiquette, but I understand the hesitation. If the invitations aren’t super formal, maybe you can send with a little note inside saying something like “In case your plans have changed” or something? 

Post # 14
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Our save the date included the link to our wedding website at the bottom.  We did this so that our out of town guests could look at the travel & accommodation on the site to reasonably assess whether they could come.  It also has the nice benefit of giving them access to our registries and RSVP form.  It’s basically like giving them a link to everything that would be on the invite. 

Post # 15
2981 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I would still send the invite with a little note saying something along the lines of “in case your plans change we would love to have you attend…”. Something that shows that you still want them there but doesn’t come off as gift grabby. I understand why you might be hesitant but like PPs have said, sometimes plans change.

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