Outshining the bride

posted 5 months ago in Guests
  • poll: Should outshining the bride be a concern for female guests?
    No. As long as you adhere to the dress code and don't wear white, it's fine. : (93 votes)
    88 %
    Yes. It won't kill you to look less good in order to let the bride shine. : (13 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 2
    688 posts
    Busy bee

    That just sounds oddly egotistical to me. Why would someone assume they will “outshine” the bride?!

    no need to think that or even go there. Just don’t wear a tiara or veil. 😂

    Post # 3
    607 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2018

    I’ve heard that before too. But I’ve always taken that to mean don’t wear something bridal-y or extremely attention grabbing – in particular I do think it’s in poor taste when people show up to a wedding dressed like they’re going to the club. But I think most people try to look their best at weddings. I know I feel like I want to present my best self when invited to share in a special moment.

    Post # 4
    8545 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: Dorset, UK

    Wow – if I ever heard anyone expressing their concerns that they would outshine the bride I would think they were a self-absorbed, egotistical asshole. 

    Post # 5
    1989 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    I’ve heard it and I think there are times when people do try to outshine the bride, even without wearing white. Sometimes people will wear a tiara, wear something very revealing or get their hair and makeup professionally done (which I personally think is fine but others think is a way of trying to look better than the bride). I think there are people in the world who will purposefully try to outshine the bride but it’s usually pretty obvious. Although some people are just clueless.

    For someone who says they will dress down so as to not outshine the bride – I think they’re pretty conceited and actually pretty judgemental.

    Persoanlly, I’ve never dressed down for a wedding and I have never thought I would outshine a bride. There are so few opportunities for me to get dressed up and so I grab that opportunity. I obviously don’t wear white. I try to avoid red or black, as some people still have issues with those colours. I also try to avoid the bridesmaid colours. But I will do my hair and makeup (which I don’t on a normal day), I will wear a dress I think makes me look pretty, I will wear pretty shoes that are completely impractical, I will try and make my nails looks nice, I will wear nice jewellery and generally try to look like I’m not extra from the walking dead. 

    Post # 6
    331 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    You can try to outshine the bride if you want but the bride is the bride! 

    Tiara?? If anyone wears a taiara to my wedding I will probably die laughing but feel free – if you want to look like an enormous prat then be my guest – literally 🙂 

    Worrying about looking better than the bride is a spectacularly arrogant and egotisical concern from humans who presumably should know better. Of course you should look your best, madness all round.

    Post # 7
    711 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

    There were plenty of girls at my wedding who were younger/thinner/prettier than me. I would never want them to try and dull down their looks for the sake of not outshining me. If someone’s at our wedding it’s because my husband and/or I love them, not because I want them to make me look good in comparison. Be your stunning, fabulous self, it’s still not going to outshine the woman in the massive white dress! :-p

    As a guest, it’s honestly never even crossed my mind whether or not I’d be outshining anyone, I just dress up like I would for any formal event.

    Post # 8
    5564 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2017

    I was worried about this once. When I was 22 and my head was placed firmly up my ass, I was so self absorbed that it’s hard to think about the actions that I made when I was that age

    I do agree with pp that it’s pretty self absorbed and egotistical to think that you would upstage a bride. No matter how gorgeous you look, I mean… she’s the bride. I’m pretty sure everyone will be focused on her, no matter how pretty everyone else looks.

    It’s the same as a bride being insecure when she sends out demands for bridesmaids and sometimes even guests on how they should tone down makeup, or dress in a certain way so no one will upstage her. She’s insecure if she feels the need to do that

    Post # 9
    215 posts
    Helper bee

    “Outshining the bride” is pretty outdated, I think. Wear what you want (besides white) and look great. All eyes will still be on her.

    Post # 10
    1505 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

    I’ve always known that to mean that you shouldn’t wear something overly revealing or obviously attempting to steal attention.  Like don’t wear a see-through dress, or the mini-est mini dress you can find.

    Post # 12
    871 posts
    Busy bee

    Truth is- my glorious presence at someone else’s wedding will not divert attention from the bride. 

    It doesn’t matter if I wear a flattering new dress or get my hair/ make-up// nails done, it doesn’t matter if I’m rocking glam new heels or get a tattoo or change my hair colour or lose 20 pounds because it isn’t a beauty pageant. Sure, we try to look our best for special occasions but it’s not a contest of who’s prettiest, the attention is focused on the bride because she’s the bride and she’s marrying the person she wants to spend forever with and this is one of the most memorable days of her life and because of this she’s radiant. 

    A bride who expects her guests to deliberately not look and feel their best so they don’t ‘outshine’ her is either very insecure or very entitled. 

    A guest who thinks she can outshine the bride is generally full of herself. A guest who thinks she can outshine the bride like it’s a competition and actively tries to upstage the bride is a full on narcissist. 

    Post # 13
    9445 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I’ve actually kind of seen this happen…

    The guest was a model (just to give you an idea of her figure), gorgeous, and showed up in a skin tight, white, thigh high dress with no underwear (yes my cousin’s husband and my dad got a full view when she sat down right across from them in the raised pews). During the reception she kept walking back and forth in front of the head table, and would lean over to talk to the bridal party showing…almost everything. She’s like front and center in their send off pictures too. It was just weird and super awkward.

    To be fair the bride did not seem to notice or care, but her guests certainly did.

    Post # 14
    1448 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    I don’t think it’s a matter of trying to dull down your look. I think it is more about not trying to draw attention to yourself. You can still look beautiful and be a background player. 

    Post # 15
    6812 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I mean, there was that one time I wore that see-through off-white crochet dress with no bra and everyone could see my nipples but other than that…

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