Over 4 years datings, claims he wants to get married…no signs of it

posted 6 months ago in Engagement
Post # 46
Member
3853 posts
Honey bee

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@lyni12:  she already had a conversation with him, and rightfully kicked him to the curb. Read the update.

Post # 47
Member
2060 posts
Buzzing bee

OP you are a badass! This guy was standing in the way of you getting what you want out of life.

You essentially told him to step up or get out of the way. He’s a coward and a piece of shit for stringing you along and having the nerve to get defensive and to try to make you wait even longer. You finally got the truth.

Now you are putting yourself in a position to be available for the right guy. 

I’m so sorry this didnt go the way you wanted it to but you did yourself a favor- you dont want to be with a sorry ass like that who would happily string you along for his own benefit. 

Stay strong OP!

Post # 49
Member
3853 posts
Honey bee

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@marilu718:  This is such a lovely and satisfying post for many of us. Seeing a woman realize what her situation is vs what she wants and deserves in her life and then having the strength to make it happen… it’s just wonderful. Believe me, there are bees all over the world cheering for you. Many of us are long time participants in this forum, so be sure and update us in the future 💜

Post # 50
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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@katebluestone:  I agree. Usually the OP posts for help, hears what she doesn’t want to hear and goes ultra defensive mode and pretends it’s fine. Some op’s even come back months and years later STILL nowhere closer to getting engaged. It’s wonderful to see someone who knows their worth! I only hope when my daughter is older I can teach her to value herself enough to do the same thing. 

Post # 51
Member
2005 posts
Buzzing bee

WELL DONE for having the courage to do what you knew needed to be done.  So many people know what they should do but can’t bring themselves to do it, so give yourself a huge pat on the back for confronting this situation.  

Two thinigs stuck out to me from your update: 

1) “he told me he had only done that because he thought that was what I wanted to hear.”

2) “he got very defensive and told me I could either wait for him to do things his way and at his own timing or I could leave the relationship”

Reading these, I’m really glad the relationship has ended.  If he had been prepared to marry you, you would have been marrying a guy who 1)lies and 2) believes he has the right to dictate how the relatinship goes.  And that attitude would have continued into marriage.

I hope you are soon able to find someone who will be honest with you and treat you as an equal partner, as you deserve.  Best wishes as you heal & move on xxx

Post # 52
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee

Did not read everything! Your have a lot of courage and strength! Seems like you knew deep down what needed to be done the whole time. Now it’s time to focus on you!

Post # 53
Member
1706 posts
Bumble bee

Good for you! Sounds like you got your answer and hopefully get some closure and can begin to move onwards with your life. xoxooxx

Post # 54
Member
800 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2020

GIRL. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. 

I wish ALL the “forever waiting” bees would be as badass as you, and stand up for themselves and refuse to settle for bullshit excuses and stalling tactics. It’s EXACTLY what I love to see.

You are empowered and smart and know your damn worth. Good for you. You are awesome. You’re a CATCH. Some man will find you, see how fucking dope you are, be excited that you’re fierce and have high standards for yourself, and be TRIPPING OVER HIS OWN FEET to lock you down. Just you wait and see.

I set my bar high and ended a relationship when it failed to serve me, and then I met my wonderful husband about four months later. And he loves me for my voice and my agency. I know your future husband is out there, and he’ll be so excited that you chose him and not that loser who was so full of hot air and horseshit.

It’s okay to cry. It was a long relationship, you loved him, and now it’s over and you can take all the time you need to grieve. But when you do pick yourself up again, and you will, be ready to hold your head high lest that crown slip, queen. You did the right thing. 

Post # 55
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

You are a bad ass!!!!! So proud of you!!!! Congrats on taking a bold step towards your future and not selling for less than you deserve!!

Post # 56
Member
13624 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I’m glad to hear the update. Often when people make posts like this they already know what they have to do. 

It’s possible this is not the last you will hear from this man, though. He may have reacted defensively in the moment and will come to regret it later. He may say he only told you those things in anger, because he felt pressure, and he’s sorry.  You may hear proclamations of love and a new commitment to marriage. 

Even if that should happen he’d still be a lying gaslighter who reacts in anger when things don’t go his way and who shifts blame to everyone but himself. If you were to reconsider and end up with this person, and I sincerely hope you don’t, it’s a pattern that more than likely repeat itself. 

Wishing you well! 

Post # 57
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - Mackinac Island, MI

 

You are a rockstar! An example to the many many women who post in similar situations on here. 

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