(Closed) Over Analyzing Might Ruin Our Relationship, Just a Vent??

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I feel ya.

I over analyze things too, while hubby is very logical and not prone to emotional fits of hysteria (seriously, I can REALLY get upset when I get some “fear” stuck in my head). I had the same thoughts as you when we were dating, thinking he was going to leave me for no reason, etc, and honestly I’m surprised he didn’t lol. The man has the patience of a saint! I’ve struggled all my life with insecurities, especially in relationships, and I think a lot of it has to do with “abandonment issues” because my dad passed away when I was very young and I was raised solely by my mom. No matter WHAT people say, I truly believe children need both parents. In my case, it wasn’t anyone’s fault of course, but growing up without a dad really did affect me.

It sounds like you are doing the right thing by setting up an appointment to talk to someone. I’ve thought about doing the same for myself, because even though we are married now, I still have my moments. You are right, it can affect the relationship negatively. It’s up to you (& me) to work on it, and it’s up to our men to stand by us while we do.

Good luck to you πŸ˜‰

Post # 5
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@ laughing – Thank you so much for the links! I did read them and I especially enjoyed the second one. I think I seriously needed that. In fact, I think I will print it off so I can read it again whenever I feel like I “need” it, if you know what I mean.

Post # 7
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

Thank you so much for this post. I can’t explain how much it has helped me. I am currently/recently just went throuh this however it was reversed. My Fiance has dealt with depression in the past. He beat himself up thinking that “I deserve someone better” and that he didn’t deserve to be loved. I would do my best to convince him otherwise. He let all those thoughts and over analyzing turn into very strong fears of marraige and eventually cancelled the wedding. He lleft saying that I deserve a better love. I am completly in a state of shock. To me it makes no sense. I am prayin that he gets help and eventually come back.

Please talk to someone before you explode. Also talk to your SO so that he knows what is going on. Good Luck!

Post # 9
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

@laughing. No I haven’t talked to him. We have had some correspondace via email. All of this happened a couple of weeks ago. For me, I could not understand what or why he was feeling this way. And that is why seeing your post helped. It has been extremly hard day by day. At this point, I am no longer concerned about me but more for him. He has said every key word that you said. “Not deserving my love, find someone better, he’s not good enough, telling me that I can leave if I want because he understands”. He stated that he allowed some of differences to turn into fear of marraige that he could not get out of his head. Lookin back, he had every key sign of depression and I am upset that it took after he left for me to put it all together. I am lost. I want to give him his space to think things through but on the other hand I want him to know that I still care and love him. I have never dealt with anyone with depression so I am not sure how to approach the situation. Should I give him space or reach out? Thanks for all of your help.

Post # 10
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

I know what you mean, I have a tendency to overanalyse things as well, and it was actually only about a month ago I realised how much I had been doing it.

My situation was this:

My Boyfriend or Best Friend was engaged to his previous Girlfriend, and she was the one who broke it off and moved to another country. When he told me they had been engaged, that made me feel really insecure and worried that I could ever “live up to her”. Even though my amazing Boyfriend or Best Friend told me that he loves me more than he had ever loved anyone else, that I am the love of his life etc. I still had that subconscious fear of not being as “good” as his ex. This was a very emotionally tiring situation for me. The thing is, I have been in therapy, and there I learned some various techniques for breaking out of destructive thought patterns, and that helped.

I also read a book called “Women who think too much” by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, and that helped me realise a quite few things as well. Now my fear of not being good enough is completely gone, and I KNOW now that my Boyfriend or Best Friend loves me more than anything. I recommend reading that book.

It is possible to stop overanalysing. Good luck πŸ™‚

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