(Closed) Over budget – limiting the guest list…

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3267 posts
Sugar bee

@Star Orchid: Who is the host of this event.  If it is you and Fiance, then unfortunately (for them), the IL’s don’t really get much of a say.  If you are the hosts, then you get to set the guest list and you are free to invite or not invite whomever you choose.

If however, they are hosting (which it doesn’t sound like, since he doesn’t want his family to feel obligated to contribute any $), then they get to set the guest list.

The fact that your husband won’t stand up to his family is perhaps a bigger issue, and something the etiquette won’t help you with. 

Post # 4
4824 posts
Honey bee

That is tough because you say its a cultural issue. Are you of the same culture? Would this be a problem with your family if the situation was reversed? What would you do if it were reversed?

For me, it wouldnt be an option. We are starting a life together between him and me and I would want the precedent and boundaries set early between myself, husband and in laws who gets to make decisions. Families get to weigh in with their opinions, but they do not dictate what happens in the end.

To me, my fiance wouldnt have a choice but to have this conversation with his parents.  I would make sure he knows why too. Not just because of money, but because of the authority his parents are not allowed to have any longer over him and, therefore, by extension, me.

Of course it needs to be dealt with in a very respectful manner because likely his parents will not like it. Anyone who doesnt get what they want will be upset.

Post # 5
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’m sorta glad my parents have been REASONABLY understanding about out limited guest list. They’ve asked to invite a few friends of theres (that I don’t even know), but a simple no there isn’t any room in the guest list was sufficient.

I agree with the poster above that if they aren’t paying they have no say.  I also don’t think you’re being unreasonable in having 2nd cousins as your cut-off point. I am sorry your Fiance isn’t supporting you in this and talking to his parents. I hope you guys can talk about it a little more and come to an agreement.

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