(Closed) ****Over CRITICAL…. MOTHERS….anyone have em?? HELP How to deal?!?!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 20
Member
6739 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

OMG, my mom is the SAME.  For instance, last Nov Fiance and I moved w/ my parents into the house we live in now.  Long story short, we have to move again and shortly thereafter, Fiance and I are moving out on our own to another state.  So, we have to figure out what to do with our furniture – which is mostly new (less than a year old).  My mom went on and on to both my Fiance and I about how we should just toss everything because it looks ugly and cheap.  Seriously??  I spent my hard earned money on that!

She also always tells me how I’ve gained weight (although, in her defense, she will also point it out when I’ve lost it, too), how she likes my hair blonder better (I do, too, sometimes, but it takes a LOT of time and money to keep it up because I have seriously dark brown hair naturally growing in!) and she always makes faces and comments about things.  She is always asking where I’m going and tell me where I should go instead. 

I’ve told BOTH my parents that they’re both judgmental, negative people and that it disgusts me.  I flat out tell my mom that she’s a b1tch.  The thing is, my mom is also my friend.  I would say my best friend, but she’s such a bitch, I can’t say that she really is anymore lol. 

I just try to keep in mind that my parents have MY best interest in mind and that they really do love me and that they just don’t understand that what THEY like and what works for THEM is what works for everyone else.

It’s hard.  It really is.  But, I don’t bite my tongue.  If she’s being a bitch, I tell her.  And we fight and yell at each other and then later it’s like nothing happened and we apologize. 

ETA:  I should warn you, however, that my mom ENJOYS being a bitch.  No, seriously.  She takes PRIDE in that fact.  When I call her a bitch, she says, “I know!” and smiles and has an extra skip in her step.  I don’t think she’s acting.  I really think she thinks it’s a compliment to be a bitch.  I think she thinks it means she’s independent and has her own opinion.  I just mean she’s being mean lol..

Post # 21
Member
11736 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

ah sounds like my mom – especially with those hair comments! I usually just give it right back to her and say that’s fine i don’t like your hair either! Very mature I know but nothing gets through to her.  Try to have a talk with her about it but my mom doesn’t take anything away from those – she jsut says well I’m opinionated and I will never not share my opinion with you. Greatttt thansk mom. Just realize she is the one with the issue not you. 

Post # 22
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yes, do that! 🙂 I am usually a pretty outspoken person, but theres something about mother figures that makes it hard to speak up. It was a little difficult to get the nerve but her negativity started to annoy my Hubby as well. He was visibally upset for me. We had enough drama going on that I needed my mom. So, it kind of forced that “confession” to be made. Your mother loved you and I am sure does not mean come off the way she does. I’ve heard that people are most hard on those that are most smilar to themselves. I catch myself being hard on my 8 year old daughter also. I just want the best for her and want her to be her very best. So, a little chat with your mother discussing how her criticism impacts you and what you would prefer her to be like would hopefully be beneficial for you! Good luck!

Post # 23
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

i….think we have the same mom. 😐

Post # 24
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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@futuremrsk18:  OMG, re: your edit. My mom is the same way. She thinks it’s adorable when I call her out on being a bitch and will laugh and say “Oh, you love me!” or some crap like that. No, I really think you’re a selfish bitch!

Post # 25
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

at least you still have your mother around to make you crazy….I would sell my lungs to have mine back for just my wedding day….

no matter what your relationship is like, there is nothing like losing a parent…my Mom would make me crazy some times, but I’d take that any day.

Be glad that she’ll be part of your special day.

 

 

Post # 26
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

View original reply
@dkacerek:  I’m incredibly sorry for your loss and I wish I had a great relationship with my mother to feel the same way you do, but I really dislike when people say this to me on the few occasions I speak about my mother. Yes, she’s my mother so there will always be a place for her in my heart, but on top of all her snide remarks and drama, she also regularly tells me that she wishes I’d never been born, she should have stopped at 1 child, I was a mistake, blah blah blah. Telling me I should ignore years of mental abuse because she gave birth to me just feels like a slap in the face.

Post # 28
Member
11267 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@weddingbound:  omg, we have the same mom! 

my mother can be very nice and thoughtful but she also is very opinionated and judgemental.  you don’t even want to know what she said to me when i told her i was getting married again.  so many negative things.

i just ignore her when she says things i don’t like or don’t agree with, and trust me, that happens a lot.

i was a bit concerned about the wedding day too.  she is so anti-marriage.  well, i have to say she surprised me.  she made me a furry wrap to wear b/c she didn’t want me to get cold.  she has a vintage car that she and her bf drove us to the wedding in (and even back to the hotel at 2am).  she was so happy for us.  she was smiling all day, joking around with my friends and even on the dance floor.  she hosted a brunch the next day for us. 

like i said, she is both so i never know what mood she’s in.  i just ignore when she starts saying negative things about me or anyone b/c i don’t want to feed that.

hopefully your mom will enjoy your special day with you like mine did.

Post # 29
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I completely feel your pain, and I’m a full grown adult (late 40’s).   My mom had me in tears during my wedding planning.   Even the dress I loved and wanted, she said “looked like a big ole net” and talked me into another gown (which I hated and ended up also purchasing the one I orginally wanted).  Everything I want, everything I do, is … too tacky … you can’t do that … not good enough … looks bad …

For me, I just hit a breaking point with the $2100 dress regret incident.   I finally decided to have a talk with her.  She says, she didn’t listen to anyone when she got married and regrets how she did it.  I pointed out that she and dad were still together and that whether she had a crappy wedding or not it did not effect her forever, that she had to let me make my own mistakes.  She still tells me what to do and what not to do.  But now I nod, and “say thanks for the input” or “maybe” and leave it at that.  I am doing just what I want.   I am hearing her out, and still doing what I want.   I did notice when I stopped resisting her suggestions, that she actually had a couple of good ideas.

 Good Luck

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