(Closed) Over guest list – paying

posted 4 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
819 posts
Busy bee

Why would your parents be offended at your fiance’s parents paying for their own guests? This seems like a non-issue. The more the merrier, especially if your family isn’t paying for them.

Post # 3
Member
8992 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
Pyboo15 :  just ask your parents how they feel about his parents contributing. Worst case scenario is that they will withdraw their funds because they are offended, and if that’s the case you can either accept it and pay for the wedding yourselves or you can get the guest list down to the number your parents have agreed to host. 

Post # 4
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m confused too at why your parents would be offended that FI’s money offered money towards the wedding, especially to cover guests that they specfically want to invite. 

Post # 5
Member
3327 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Im confused in general.

Your parents offered you for 100 guests. Your ILs invited an extra 40. You can say ‘unfortunately we cannot afford these extra guests’ But if they offer to pay for them, then there doesnt seem to be an issue. I mean, if you just dont want them there, thats one thing. But if your parents ask, you can just say ‘oh yeah, they wanted to invite extra so are covering them’.

Why on earth would you ask your parents for more money?

Post # 6
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

are you parent die hard on historical traditions?

did you do a dowry and now they pay for the wedding and your inlaws are to buy you a house?

to be honest that stuff is rediculously outdate and quite offensive – if it is I would explain to them that its 2016 and if they are not that rediculous then this isnt an issue at all

Post # 8
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

View original reply
Pyboo15 :  I thought that you might try asking your parents for more money because of this sentence:

“But I don’t want to ask my parents for more than what they offered, and we do not have a lot of money ourselves.”

Post # 9
Member
7265 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Why would your parents be offended?

A simple, “Mom & Dad, ILs would like to include some guests that will put us 40 people over the budgeted limit. They would like to cover the extra costs associated with their added guests.” End of story.

It’s no different than wanting to add a wedding album to your photography package but your parents have already paid. You want it? Pay for it yourselves. In this case it sounds like the ILs want to cover the extra people….so let them.

Post # 10
Member
470 posts
Helper bee

I’m not sure what you want to accomplish with this thread…

1. If you already invited them, someone’s got to pay. Your ILs are the only ones offering.

2. If you are deciding to invite them, you need to either not, or do it, but figure out who is paying.

Post # 11
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

IDK.  It depends.  If YOUR parents are paying most, but only getting say 30 invites, and ILs are offering to pay “extra” but then actually pay less, but get MORE guests than  your parents, I see a problem.  YMMV, would talk it over with my parents.  

Post # 13
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

View original reply
Pyboo15 :  So what is your question exactly?

Post # 14
Member
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

View original reply
Pyboo15 :  So we had a similar issue (FI parent’s invited double the amount we wanted to) and we had them pay for it. As an adult if you want something you need to pay for it since there are no free lunches. I would ask FI’s parents for a contribution (ie the bar, honeymoon ect) and let them know their additonal guests over the amount every side gets they can pay for. If they decline, I would let them know their extra guests will not be invited.

The way we did our finances was that we had a buy in amount. If you wanted a wedding you contributed X amount of dollars. Then if the family wanted something extra they could pay for it. My mom wants to send wedding announcments to the family she couldnt invite…I think it is gift grabby and rude, but if she is paying for it does it really matter?

DH’s family paid for an open bar, portions of the rehersal dinner and the per guest cost for some of their extra guests.

This kept some fights down to a minimum, because it’s one thing to throw a hissy about the flowers, its another to throw a hissy about the flowers when you are already in the wedding for x amount of dollars and the flowers are x amount more.

Post # 15
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think in order for anyone to actually give you advice you need to answer the one question that you keep getting asked…..WHY would your parents be offended if your FI’s parents chipped in some money? Otherwise I don’t understand the issue or question. 

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