(Closed) Over guest list – paying

posted 4 years ago in Money
Post # 16
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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Pyboo15 :  If my parents were paying for my whole wedding and I didn’t have the funds to contribute, I would invite the number of guests they are willing to accomodate.

I think telling your parents that your Future Mother-In-Law wants extra guests but is willing to pay for it is quite offensive, like the party they are hosting in your honour isn’t good enough for your in-laws.  As a PP mentioned, it is also pretty unfair if your parents are paying the bulk of the costs, but your FIL’s get more guests.

 

if the invitations have not gone out yet, I would advise the in laws that they have to stick to the number of invitations they have been allocated. 

Post # 17
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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youngbrokebride :  How is this quite offensive to her parents?  It’s the fiance’s parents’ child wedding too.  If they would like to have extra people there to celebrate with them and willing to pay for it, what’s the problem?  I’m just trying to understand the logic here as this is outside of my personal way of thinking.   It has nothing to do with the wedding not being good enough.  It would be different if the in-laws decided to throw in extra money b/c they though the quality of food wasn’t good enough and wanted to add more money to that.  I can see that being offensive. 

Post # 18
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My logic was as follows:  Let’s say OP parents offered to pay $20,000 for 100 guests, with the understanding that thye get 30 invites.  Now, lets say Inlaws offer to pay $8,000 for the additional 40 guests, and get 30 plus 40 or a total of 70 guests, even though they are paying less than OP’s parents.  I can see OP parents getting pissed, and I think she needs to have a quiet conversation with them first.

Post # 19
Member
3327 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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Pyboo15 :  It’s not irrelevant when you say in your OP:

“I don’t want to ask my parents for more than what they offered”

I was confused as to why you’d even include that in your post? It sounds like youre obviously thinking about it?

Post # 20
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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juanita.kelly.9 :  I can understand that logic. That makes sense why they might be offended. But really, a simple conversation would hopefully fix all of that. And who knows if that’s actually the case here….

OP you need to answer if you want any sort of help…..why would they be offended?

Post # 21
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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juanita.kelly.9 :  I understand your logic as well.  However, since we don’t know her parents, we can’t assume that they will feel the same until she asks.

Post # 22
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

“I want advice but I don’t really want advice”

Post # 23
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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Pyboo15 :  Have you considered having a conversation with them about this beforehand? Keep it light – something like “[FImom] and [FIdad] wanted to invite all these extra people – you know how social they are! Don’t worry though, mom, they’re chipping in to cover all the second cousins twice removed.” As long as you aren’t exceeding the fire codes at the venue, I can’t see your parents being upset. The more the merrier! 🙂

Post # 24
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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coloradohiker88 :  That atittude would annoy me if I were mom.  Of course, she shouldn’t worry, BUT she still may not want this turned into an event where most of the people are inlaws.  And “chip in” is not a precise term.  Inlaws may not understand it is not just the whatever a head the caterer wants, but also centerpieces, invites, etc.  

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