(Closed) Over it (vent)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

It’s not unreasonable!! Your Fiance is right…pay his parents portion yourselves and then you really have the power. It’ll be a lot smoother and they might even stop trying to invite everyone under the sun!

Post # 4
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You are so not being unreasonable! I’m so sorry this is happening to you and your Fiance. Your family should be nothing but supportive, but it sounds like they’re causing nothing but drama. I kind of agree with your Fiance. At this point, it may be easier to cover his parents’ contribution to the wedding and thereby relieve them of any say. If they’re not paying, they can’t call the shots, and even though I’m sure they’re contribution would be really helpful, perhaps ending this drama is more important (and priceless!). I hope everything works out, and I’m sure your wedding will be amazing! 

Post # 5
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You are not being unreasonable.  I think most of us run into this problem to some extent.  If you can swing it, I definitely think you should pay his parents’ portion.  Then, sit down and have a (hopefully) calm conversation with them about the realities of budget and how head count affects that.  When it came time for invites to go out, a lot of people suddenly got added to a list that had been finalized months prior.  When I explained that I had close friends I wasn’t inviting because of the budget (we paid for most of it), the parental units kind of backed off.

Post # 6
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Mrs.SplatterPaint:

Don’t let anyone bully you in any way. They had their day, now this is your day. Dump them all and have a very small wedding, if necessary. But whatever you do, don’t feel bad about it later.

Post # 7
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow, I’m really surprised at the behavior of your FI’s step-mother.

This may be out there, but I have a weird suggestion to keep people she’s invited from coming into your wedding if you don’t elope. If you prefigure out where everyone is sitting, you can put a place card with their table number on it IN their invitation and have them bring it to the wedding with them, kind of like their ticket to “get in” to the wedding. When they arrive for the wedding they’ve got to show ushers their card. 

I know it might be sort of weird, I just remember a girl doing this because her Future Mother-In-Law kept inviting tons of strangers too.

Post # 8
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I wouldnt take their money if they were trying to use it aganst me like that. Sorry they aare stressing you guys out like that….

Post # 9
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m WITH YOU! Sometimes I just want to scream, “THIS IS MY WEDDING NOT YOURS!” (And then take a cheap shot about the duration of her marriage, but that would be really low.) to my Future Mother-In-Law. She paid for dance lessons for my Fiance and I and now keeps talking about how we better not “embarass her with fake dancing” at our wedding. WHAT?!?! It was all I could do yesterday not to say, “Here’s your money back, then.”

Hang it there!

Post # 12
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You are NOT being unreasonable, they are. Next time Father-In-Law says that about paying, Fiance or you should say ‘Fine, don’t , we’ll pay for the alcohol and invite who we want’ maybe that will smack him back to reality so he sees that he’s being unreasonable and his demands won’t be met because you are paying for it.

Post # 13
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Mrs.SplatterPaint:

I am in a similar situation. The only thing you can do is have a hostess at the door and make it clear on the RSVPs who in the household is invited. If someone tries to bring a guest, have the DOC/hostess stop them at the door. Seat charts and a hostess are your best defenses against unwanted guests.

Post # 14
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You are not being unreasonable at all, and it sounds like you are very lucky to have parents and a Fiance as supportive as yours are being in this situation. Even if your FI’s parents are contributing to your wedding, it should be designed to be a gift, not a bargaining chip to allow them to invite whoever they want. She sounds absolutely poisonous and you’re doing the right thing by handling it and getting it under control now. Just get everything straightened out now to the best of your ability and make sure someone is on duty to watch her on your day so you don’t have to stress about it. Sorry you’re going through all this!

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