(Closed) Overreacting about bachelor party??

posted 1 year ago in Parties
  • poll: Is the brides feelings of disrespect wrong?
    No, I would feel the same way : (80 votes)
    50 %
    Yes, boys will be boys : (5 votes)
    3 %
    No, but she did overreact : (70 votes)
    44 %
    Yes, but most brides do about bachelor parties : (5 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 139
    Member
    901 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    View original reply
    caitlinbee :  “I also didn’t “murder” anyone so please get on with your life”

    Wha…? When did I say that YOU murdered someone…? You just proved that you didn’t properly read and/or understand what I wrote. Here’s what I wrote: “Unless she actually MURDERED him for it, what she did isn’t worse than what he did.”

    I used the pronouns “she” and “he”; nowhere did I use the word “you.” Clearly, and I’m shocked I even have to make this explicit, I was talking about OP and her fiance. 

    Post # 140
    Member
    138 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

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    caitlinbee : OH, please!!! I think you need to get off your little high horse if you think you’d handle yourself ever so classy and mature in the same situation.. Your fiancé in another country on his bachelor party disrespecting you and your boundaries, possibly with his dick in a hooker. Yeah right! 

    Post # 141
    Member
    356 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

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    obviousanonymous :  Are you for real??!?! You got on my case for not agreeing with OPs actions and indicated that unless she murdered him her actions are not as bad as his. I stated that I didn’t murder anyone either in an effort to imply stop treating me like I did, it was only an opinion. 

    At this point, OPs thread has been highjacked and none of this is productive. Respond all you want, I’m not wasting another minute of my time on this. 

    Post # 142
    Member
    2002 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    View original reply
    caitlinbee :  For someone whose ENTIRE argument on this OP’s thread, was that she should have handled her emotions with more grace if she wanted to be taken seriously, you are doing the exact opposite of your advice on this thread. 

    And if this is how easily you get wrankled online, i HIGHLY doubt you would be able to act with grace in the face of a stuation like the OP went through. So i think your done here. 

    (BTW I saw you re-edited your above comment to take out all the really mean inappropriate comments about them needing to get a life, and replaced it with nicer comments about hijacking the thread. But I still saw them so im leaving my above comments here.) 

    And to cut you some slack I will sum this all up so we can move on from this. 

    Your point in essence is that when women have emotional outbursts in public infront of people not directly involved in the relationship it distracts from the actual issue at hand, and instead the focus becomes the woman’s dramatic outburst. 

    While I think many of us can agree that is a true statement, what I and others were trying to say was, sure that is how it HAS been, but it doesn’t have to be how it is now or in the future. Let’s change the system. If everyone who saw her outburst stood up for her and said, no we aren’t going to let people focus on the outburst as “crazy” and dismiss her because of it. Instead lets be logical and admit that there must be a reason for that outburst (aka he did something to make her upset) and she is entitled to her reaction. Lets place the blame where it belongs ON HIM, and refuse to take the focus off that. 

    That is where we need to all move towards as a society. Making sure blame is placed where it belongs, and having the back of women who are sick and tired of being written off because of HOW they choose to express their emotions. Can’t we all encourage that instead of doubling down on telling woman they have to behave to be heard? 

    Your other comments about how her “dramatics” ruined his bachelor party for him are a whole other issue that I don’t think we will agree on here at all. So lets just leave that there. You feel she was over the top and shouldn’t have ruined his party. Most of us believe to hell with that she has every right to blow up his phone if he is breaking a promise to her. 

    Post # 143
    Member
    6945 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    Image result for dumpster fire gif

    Post # 144
    Member
    790 posts
    Busy bee

    OP, we need an update.

    Post # 145
    Member
    2375 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    View original reply
    cq123 :  She updated as much as she’s going to update, I would guess. She’s still angry at him for lying to her and being more concerned with his friends being mad at her for telling the other wife, than her anger at the friends for ‘roping’ the fiance into the incident in the first place.

     

    Although she admits she would be suspicious in a bystander’s shoes, she does not believe her fiance did anything physical with the strippers, as per his explanation, he either was outside on the patio or left the house to go the bar. She is taking him at his word on this.

     

    So, just like 99.999% of all these posts, she’s angry, he’s apologized and promised not to do it again, they’re attending premarital counseling, and the wedding is still on.

     

    I wouldn’t expect to see her back after all the posts that insisted he cheated on her and she should get tested and break up with him (not necessarily in that order).

    Post # 146
    Member
    2121 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    “So, just like 99.999% of all these posts, she’s angry, he’s apologized and promised not to do it again, they’re attending premarital counseling, and the wedding is still on.”

    Yep. And you know, I get it. This is the man she loves and is all set to marry. Very few people would cancel a wedding at this point, even if deep down they know something bad went on. I’ll bet even most of the bees who are saying they would call of their weddings for this, wouldn’t. It’s different when it’s the person who you’ve devoted your life to rather than a hypothetical on the internet. If it were my husband in this scenario I would be in disbelief and think that there was no way he did this, there has to be another explanation.

    As for the “you ruined his fun” bee, I think she’s probably embarrassed by the logical inconsistency of her argument and has decided to double down instead of re-examining her position. I understand that the OP might be in a less favorable position tactically for acting emotionally rather than in a more thought-out, calculated way. But, well, it was an emotional situation and she’s not a robot. I really doubt that this bee would react calmly and with no emotion to any provocation, including physical violence, as she claims she would. At this point, she’s just trying to prove a point she herself knows doesn’t make a lot of sense.

    Post # 147
    Member
    2375 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    View original reply
    mimivac :  Yep. And you know, I get it. This is the man she loves and is all set to marry. Very few people would cancel a wedding at this point, even if deep down they know something bad went on. I’ll bet even most of the bees who are saying they would call of their weddings for this, wouldn’t. It’s different when it’s the person who you’ve devoted your life to rather than a hypothetical on the internet. If it were my husband in this scenario I would be in disbelief and think that there was no way he did this, there has to be another explanation.

     

    I totally agree, but I think in this case there is more going on than potential infidelity. Actually, in a lot of these cases I think the same.

     

    These posters always want to look at whatever bachelor party gone wrong antics that happened as an isolated incident that existed in a vacuum, and not consider that while it was maybe the first time this has happened (that’s come to light anyways) there are certain character flaws that allowed this to happen, and are going to continue to fester long after the OP and fiance have reconciled and put it behind them.

     

    But I get that it’s totally easy for me to say that as a third party with no emotional investment in the situation, and I honestly don’t know what I would do in the situation. I hope I would be strong enough to walk, but I guess that’s one of those things where you can’t know what you’d do until you’ve done it.

     

    Post # 149
    Bee
    342 posts
    Helper bee

    mrsssb :  thank you 🙂

     

    I definitely agree with y’all. Her feelings of anger were validated (and then some) but that her mind snapped into “we’ve planned so much” and “we’ve been together this long” and getting through the logistics of ending the relationship, in her mind, may not be able to outweigh the easier route of just going ahead with things.

    View original reply
    llevinso :  I was trying to post that exact gif earlier and I couldn’t figure it out so thank you for doing what I wasn’t savvy enough to do!

    Post # 150
    Member
    7744 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    Walking away from a wedding is too big an ask for most people. What they don’t realize is that it is SO MUCH EASIER to walk away from a wedding than it is to walk away when you have a crying baby and your Dh went out to celebrate his buddy’s birthday and you don’t know where he is. It is so much harder to get out of a bad situation after the marriage than it is before.

    And if he knows that she will be angry and then calm down and pretend nothing happened after this, he knows he can talk his way out of almost anything. She has essentially, without intending to, given him permission to cheat as long as he has plausible deniability (or whatever might count for that in her head).

    Post # 151
    Member
    4374 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    I would say this thread has run its course. 

    The topic ‘Overreacting about bachelor party??’ is closed to new replies.

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