(Closed) Overreacting about bachelor party??

posted 1 year ago in Parties
  • poll: Is the brides feelings of disrespect wrong?

    No, I would feel the same way

    Yes, boys will be boys

    No, but she did overreact

    Yes, but most brides do about bachelor parties

  • Post # 109
    Member
    1937 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

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    caitlinbee :  Agree to disagree then. My comments stand as I said them. I did read your comments and understood your attempts to clarify. And everyone should read that article. Especially if in this day and age you can’t understand how your first comment despite your many attempts to backpedal under the guise of “clarifying” shows pretty obviously where you stand. It doesnt’ need clarifying. 

    “You ruined his bachelor party. He’s a grown man, you’re not his mother. I would be so annoyed if my fiance called me and was so involved in my bachelorette.”

    SO sorry her standing up for herself and her emotional reaction “ruined” his bach party… UGh. 

    Post # 110
    Member
    1942 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    mrsssb :  I think that you hit the nail on the head with your posts. I completely agree. 

    Post # 111
    Member
    1937 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

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    strawberrysakura :  You said that beautifully. Very articulately said. 

    Post # 112
    Member
    1942 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    Tatum :  I understand where you are coming from, but there is no way anyone can live with a manipulator successfully. She can try as hard as possible to not give him ammunition but unfortunately someone looking for ammunition will always find it, even if he has to imagine it into existence. 🙁

    Post # 113
    Member
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

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    strawberrysakura :  I think it’s much more helpful to tell the OP her wrong wasn’t anywhere near on the scale of his and to stop worrying about it

     

    I agree with that, I just see what Caitlin meant about confronting him calmly so that the focus remains on what he did, not whether or not her reaction to it was over the top.

     

    You’re right, the OP did not ask how she should handle any new breaches in trust, nor did she ask if she should stay with him (although she’s been giving plenty of advice on both scores). I do not mean to suggest that her Facebook message was at all on par with what he did (although it is a pet peeve of mine when people make a bluff like calling off the wedding when they have no intention of actually doing so and are just looking to get a reaction from someone). I just thought the Bee’s words were getting twisted over the last few updates that she made.

    Post # 114
    Member
    189 posts
    Blushing bee

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    mrsssb :  Thank you. Fuck this victim blaming. 

    Image result for standing ovation gif

    Post # 115
    Member
    356 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

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    mrsssb :  Look, this is enough, I am not backpeddling – I have stood by my comments from the begining. Stop being so hostile and mean to others. People can disagree. I dont agree with you and thats fine. You dont agree with me, and thats perfectly okay.  I’m not trying to change your stance by any means. I know what I wrote, so I dont understand why you keep quoting me, but thats fine. Throwing the “victim blaming card” because you disagree with others is very elementary. 

    I stand by MY opinon, that she ruined his bachelor party by blowing up his phone, going on facebook and texting the group – thats how I feel her FH and his friends will see it as well, period. That is not to say it is or that it is not okay for him to have a hooker. She should have waited and communicated her frustration and distrust with him after he came back from his trip. Thats how I would have handled it. I believe communicating with facts and not emotions is the best method when confronting an issue. Thats not to say that she did not have a right to be upset – I said previously I would not be going through with the wedding if I was in her situation. 

    Post # 116
    Member
    189 posts
    Blushing bee

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    caitlinbee :  I stand by MY opinon, that she ruined his bachelor party by blowing up his phone, going on facebook and texting the group – period

    I think there is more to this. If it were a regular night out with nothing nefarious happening, sure, I get some outrage. But her ruining his fuck fest with mexican prostitutes is so NOT what she should be worried about, and your weird focus on her ruining that is bizarre. That is what some other bees (myself incl) cannot understand. 

    Post # 117
    Member
    1942 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    Tatum :  I completely understand your perspective. I always love your posts so I was a bit confused by your stance but I get it now. 

    Post # 118
    Member
    356 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

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    beeyouteefal :  I dont lead discussions with my emotiions and I most certainly do not have a need to insert profainty to express my point. It deminishes the message.

    As Tatum explained – the focus will be going towards HER ruining her FH bachelor party (with her overreaction) and the focus will not be on her FH actions.

    As I previously stated, If I was OP, I would have handled the situation differently and there would not be a wedding.  

    Post # 119
    Member
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

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    strawberrysakura :  No, I am in full agreement her fiance is a pig and so are his friends, and that this latest incident is likely just a symptom of the underlying disrespect and entitlement towards the OP, and perhaps women in general.

    To me, it doesn’t even matter that much if he fucked a prostitute or if he truly did “hide out on the patio and cover his eyes so he wouldn’t see the strippers who were there for 6 hours”. He still lied to the OP’s face about a conversation he never had with his friends, he blew off their agreed contingency plan if strippers did show up, and he’s far more dismayed that OP has lost her “cool girl” status with his friends than any disrespect or pain he caused the OP. All those would be reasons for me to opt out of the relationship, even if the entire evening was filmed and I knew he hadn’t actually done anything physical with them.

     

    I was just saying I understood the pragmatism of a calm confrontation over what actually happened.

    Post # 120
    Member
    2148 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    “I believe that when someone is in the wrong and the other person makes a huge scene (which she did), then the focus transfers from his wrong to her over reaction. The guys will now use this as a means of deflecting their wrong on focusing on her overreaction. She didn’t place herself in a good position by reacting that way.”

    I really think the OP has more to worry about than “placing herself in a good position” with her FI’s friends. And I don’t think the “huge scene” was an over reaction. She reacted genuinely, which I think is better than modifying her behavior based on how her FI’s scumbag friends may feel about her. Who cares what they think?

    Post # 121
    Member
    260 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2020

    Okay so now that I’ve read everything….

    ARE YOU STILL MARRYING HIM?

     

    Post # 122
    Member
    11303 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

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    konablend :  

    Fwiw, the Cancun sex workers are not from Cancun.  These are not college women looking to pay their way through school.  

    The women are brought in from poverty stricken areas and put to work.  I would wager good money that a large percentage of them were purchased as minors.

    It helps if we can stop looking at things from the perspective of a comfortable tourist.

    Based on what I read, Cancun bachelor parties are well established rituals of debauchery. Everyone who is not the groom’s fiancée knows exactly what is expected.

    Post # 123
    Member
    11303 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

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    strawberrysakura :  

    Ummmm, can *we* set his car on fire?  🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

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