Member“You ruined his bachelor party. He’s a grown man, you’re not his mother. I would be so annoyed if my fiance called me and was so involved in my bachelorette.”
SO sorry her standing up for herself and her emotional reaction “ruined” his bach party… UGh.
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I agree with that, I just see what Caitlin meant about confronting him calmly so that the focus remains on what he did, not whether or not her reaction to it was over the top.
You’re right, the OP did not ask how she should handle any new breaches in trust, nor did she ask if she should stay with him (although she’s been giving plenty of advice on both scores). I do not mean to suggest that her Facebook message was at all on par with what he did (although it is a pet peeve of mine when people make a bluff like calling off the wedding when they have no intention of actually doing so and are just looking to get a reaction from someone). I just thought the Bee’s words were getting twisted over the last few updates that she made.
MemberMemberI stand by MY opinon, that she ruined his bachelor party by blowing up his phone, going on facebook and texting the group – thats how I feel her FH and his friends will see it as well, period. That is not to say it is or that it is not okay for him to have a hooker. She should have waited and communicated her frustration and distrust with him after he came back from his trip. Thats how I would have handled it. I believe communicating with facts and not emotions is the best method when confronting an issue. Thats not to say that she did not have a right to be upset – I said previously I would not be going through with the wedding if I was in her situation.
MemberI think there is more to this. If it were a regular night out with nothing nefarious happening, sure, I get some outrage. But her ruining his fuck fest with mexican prostitutes is so NOT what she should be worried about, and your weird focus on her ruining that is bizarre. That is what some other bees (myself incl) cannot understand.
MemberMemberAs Tatum explained – the focus will be going towards HER ruining her FH bachelor party (with her overreaction) and the focus will not be on her FH actions.
As I previously stated, If I was OP, I would have handled the situation differently and there would not be a wedding.
MemberTo me, it doesn’t even matter that much if he fucked a prostitute or if he truly did “hide out on the patio and cover his eyes so he wouldn’t see the strippers who were there for 6 hours”. He still lied to the OP’s face about a conversation he never had with his friends, he blew off their agreed contingency plan if strippers did show up, and he’s far more dismayed that OP has lost her “cool girl” status with his friends than any disrespect or pain he caused the OP. All those would be reasons for me to opt out of the relationship, even if the entire evening was filmed and I knew he hadn’t actually done anything physical with them.
I was just saying I understood the pragmatism of a calm confrontation over what actually happened.
Member“I believe that when someone is in the wrong and the other person makes a huge scene (which she did), then the focus transfers from his wrong to her over reaction. The guys will now use this as a means of deflecting their wrong on focusing on her overreaction. She didn’t place herself in a good position by reacting that way.”
I really think the OP has more to worry about than “placing herself in a good position” with her FI’s friends. And I don’t think the “huge scene” was an over reaction. She reacted genuinely, which I think is better than modifying her behavior based on how her FI’s scumbag friends may feel about her. Who cares what they think?
MemberOkay so now that I’ve read everything….
ARE YOU STILL MARRYING HIM?
MemberFwiw, the Cancun sex workers are not from Cancun. These are not college women looking to pay their way through school.
The women are brought in from poverty stricken areas and put to work. I would wager good money that a large percentage of them were purchased as minors.
It helps if we can stop looking at things from the perspective of a comfortable tourist.
Based on what I read, Cancun bachelor parties are well established rituals of debauchery. Everyone who is not the groom’s fiancée knows exactly what is expected.
MemberUmmmm, can *we* set his car on fire? 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
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