Post # 1
I dont know if I am thinking too much about it, but its been gnawing at me since our wedding 2 weeks ago and I just wanted to weigh in on here to see what the ladies think of the situation…
I am friends with an old coworker, we have kids the same age, her kids have had playdates with mine, birthday parties, and we have gone on shopping “dates” with each other, communicate via facebook and text, etc for the past 2 years… Since I dont have many friends I wanted her and her husband to be there, especially since she was so excited when I got engaged. She had been talking about planning my bridal shower from the day I told her I was engaged. Well by the time the invites and save the dates went out in the mail I havent heard from her. In fact I had to call, text AND send her messages on Facebook to ask her if they were even coming. I knew she was busy since her and her husband were trying to start a business after leaving the last job but I was very bothered that I had to literally “hunt” her down just to get a response. She finally RSVPed on our website and via mail 2 weeks after the rsvp deadline and me hounding her. Once she finally called me back she gave me some spiel about being so busy with the business, etc and that she was for sure coming, wouldnt miss it for the world, yadda yadda…
Fast forward to my wedding day, I walk down the aisle and she isnt there. Our weding was only about 50 people so it wasnt that crowded to miss her and her husband. It totally put a damper on my day. Since we had a small wedding majority of guests were family, and I only invited 4 friends and their spouses so the fact she didnt show and couldnt even call just irked the beans out of me… One of the other friends I invited had reschedule her surgery to come, even though I told her not to. We had someone on my husband side whose babysitter dropped out the day before, and we just told her to bring her kids with her, no problem. Husband also had someone invited who had a death in her family and she dropped out 2 days before, but she at least CALLED and told us, and her husband came anyway while she went out of town to be with her family. That is courtesy. Just the fact that they called to let us know they possibly can’t make it!
Now we are back from honeymoon and I see on Facebook that this woman went to Vegas not 3 days after my wedding, posted pics about it all over FB. So I reached out, yet again, and sent her a one line message basically saying “Wow, you didnt come.” She responds saying she didnt come because she didnt think she and her husband would fit at the table with the gown she bought? WTH?!? Was she planning on wearing a hoopskirted ball gown? I dont know, but it was THE LAMEST excuse I had ever heard, and still without a sorry. So now she is asking me to go to dinner “on her” to discuss married life. What for? She obviously didnt care to be there, so not sure what is to discuss, especially since I have only been married 12 days… I am seriously considering ending our friendship over this. Am I overreacting?
Post # 3
That is not a friend. And it IS the lamest excuse ever. Skip the dinner “on her”. Blah.
Post # 4
Unfortunately, common courtesy isn’t so common anymore.
Post # 5
I agree with eeniebeans, that’s not a friend. I wouldn’t go to dinner with her, or waste any more time thinking about her. You’re married! That’s amazing, focus on that. Congrats!
Post # 6
Wow, that’s pretty much the lamest excuse ever. I’d probably go to dinner just to hear her out, but I wouldn’t make much of an effor to be friends with her after that.
Post # 7
what a weirdo… it sucks that she let you down but think on the positives and don’t let one person ruin your beautiful wedding day. decline her dinner invite and move on, I say. this person is not a friend and why have such negativity in your life?
Post # 8
That is not cool on her part. But maybe she thought she wasn’t going to fit in? Regardless, she should have told you the truth. Don’t go to to dinner with her.
Post # 9
Um seriously, lamest.excuse.ever… Seriously? Your gown might be too big for the table? Like really really?
Post # 10
Yeah that excuse sucks! Maybe she already had it planned to go to Vegas and she didn’t have the heart to tell you she wasn’t up for the wedding.
Our two very best friends haven’t RSVPd (a couple). And I’ve thrown out hints and offered to help pay if it’s a money thing. And when I mentioned that they were coming of course right?! My friend just got kinda babbly and non-commital. At first I was like no way you gotta come…she had all the laundry list of reasons but mostly it came down to money but she just won’t come out and say NO because I’m sure she doesn’t want to hurt our feelings.
But after thinking about it, Fiance and I realized that a wedding is actually not our friends gig at all. And we know this. They came to our e-party and totally bombed. They’re just not that social. And so we’re gonna have another chat with them and figure out if they’d rather do something on our own to celebrate and we’ll let them off the hook for the wedding lol.
Post # 11
You are not over-reacting what-so-ever! I was also very irked by “Friends” that RSVP’d that they would be there and then IMO were a “No call, no show”. I consider that to be incredibly rude! If you said you were going to be there and some unforeseen circumstance prevented it, I do not understand why you could not at least reach out and let them know! With today’s technology and social networks, there is really no excuse for not doing a courtesy call! But then to add insult to injury your “friend” comes up with the excues of her dress was too big to sit at a table? You are correct, LAMEST thing I have EVER heard.
Another that upset me was couples who specifically asked if they could bring their kids to the wedding and then did not bring them and didn’t think it was a big deal to let me know! I literally had a whole table added for this reason that then sat completely empty at the reception. The center pieces cost money, the food has been paid for… How do some people not get this??
Post # 12
I am so sorry that this happened to you. It’s so frustrating when you realize that someone who you thought was a good friend in fact is not, I really do feel for you. The way I see it you have two options. You can either respond to her and tell her politely that her ‘no show’ and subsequent excuse was inappropriate and hurtful, and see what she says – OR, you can thank her for the invitation but advise her that you’re quite busy for the foreseeable future.
I would take some time to think about whether or not this is someone you would like to keep as an acquaintance or if it would be better for you to cut her out of your life completely. Either way, I would not simply just let this slide and continue on as though you two are good friends. A good friend would not have missed your wedding after RSVPing that they would be there without a sincere apology and a valid excuse.
Post # 13
good riddance to bad rubbish, i say…cut your losses and move on.
consider it a blessing in disguise you found out who she really is. dont take her up on her “offer” to take you out; seems like a lame last-ditch effort on her part to save face. you didnt deserve to be disrespected like that, and the fact she didn’t even apologize shows a lack of caring on her end.
Post # 14
I would rethink the friendship with her and skip the dinner. That was a lame excuse, does she think you are naive?
Post # 15
A couple things:
1) Forget that “friend” and focus on your amazing friends who actually did show up to your wedding. Definitely take out the friend who rescheduled her surgery for your wedding – now THAT is a friend to keep around forever. This experience should just further push you to be the best friend you can be to the friends who deserve it.
2) I am no psychologist, but it sounds like the “friend” has the beginnings of a mental illness. I mean the flakiness and being very out of touch with reality (“My skirt would have been too big!”) may indicate that something just isn’t “right” up there. Maybe sociopath tendencies? I dunno.
Either way, focus on the good people you have in your life. They’re there!
Post # 16
Um, did she really think that would fly as an excuse? At least make up something legit if you’re going to be a flake! I mean goodness. Anyone who can blow you off like that and not even apologize isn’t worth your time! I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to even think about it. She obviously wasn’t thinking about you. I think you are better off without something like that in your life. It sounds like you have some other wonderful people around you, so focus your energy on that. You are married! Be excited and don’t worry about some woman who sounds like a total bitch!
Tell her you’re sorry, but you don’t think you can come to dinner because the dress you bought probably won’t fit at the table….