(Closed) Over-sexualizing weddings?

posted 5 years ago in Traditions
Post # 3
Member
7680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@kittyfinn:  I agree the garter toss is tacky and is better left out, but I don’t see how one single thing sexualises the whole wedding.

(Boudoir photos are a private thing between the bride and groom, irrelevant to the wedding itself).

Post # 4
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee

Every once in a while I’ll see a series of photos from an engagement shoot that make me think “Wow, I would have kept those pictures private!”. I don’t care what others do really, it’s more surprising than anything to me!

Post # 5
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

The garter toss is gross IMO. If you don’t want to do it, don’t. It’s not traditional across all cultures by any means.

Post # 6
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@kittyfinn:  I’m not doing a garter-toss, just because it’s not a tradition I really identify with on any level, and yeah, it’s sort of weird in public. However, I think having boudoir pictures done for your FI’s eyes only is not a “sexualized” wedding thing. You could do it for any occasion, but seeing as the night of the wedding is a very sexualized aspect of a marriage (i.e. consummation) I don’t see how that’s inappropriate gifting. I think you can be a feminist, have a female photographer who you trust and is creating artistic images for you and your spouse, and it’s not overly sexualizing the marriage to me. I think it’s fair not to do a garter toss based on your beliefs, just like many women do not have their fathers walk them down the aisle, or expect their Fiance to ask for their hand. The wedding reception is all about love and celebration– but whatever gifts come afterward, well that’s up to each couple.

Post # 7
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

The most sexualized weddings I have been to have been the ones where the couples were very conservative and waiting until after marriage… discussion of consummation in prayers, references to the wedding night, that sort of thing. It grosses me out no matter what the couples’ pre-marital choices are.

Post # 8
Member
9115 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Marriage consumation used to be a big deal. It meant that the whole marriage was signed, sealed and delivered. That’s the history of the garter toss — It meant the marriage was consumated. Back when this was very popular, “consumation” was not a hyper sexualized thing… it was more like signing a business contract. Nobody went “Eww! They had sex!” The moreso nodded and went, “Good, now they’re officially married.”

I don’t see it as a sexualized action… it’s silly, and I won’t be doing it (Not for any reason you listed), but I don’t think people find it sexy or sexual at a wedding. It’s something silly where everybody laughs and one guy gets a pretty lacey garter. If both the bride and groom are on the boat with it, there is no harm.

 

Boudoir shoots have nothing to do with the wedding, so I don’t know where you got that idea. They are a private gift between bride and groom. They are (not to my knowledge) shown off at the wedding or after the wedding. Usually it’s a special gift to the groom and that’s as far as it goes. It’s no different than showing up in the bedroom in silky panties and a nightie for your husband’s birthday or wearing frilly underpants on your honeymoon.

Post # 9
Member
2691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@kittyfinn:  I don’t understand your rant. It’s not what you want for your wedding, that’s great, move on.

I see nothing wrong with the garter toss, I’m doing one. It’s been done at every wedding I’ve been to.

I see nothing wrong with boudoir shots. I’m having some done for our “paper anniversary.”

I see nothing wrong with your point of view either. If you don’t want to do these things, don’t. Plain and simple.

Post # 10
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

Yes, I agree with you, OP.

Post # 12
Member
7680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@NAvery:  Eugh. Must be an American thing. We waited, as did many of my Christian friends (as far as I know lol) and I never heard anything like that mentioned at any of their weddings. And I would have died of embarassment if any mention was made of it at mine.

Post # 14
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Umm.. am I the only one who doesn’t get the ‘showing off bloody sheets after the wedding night’ comment? I’m sure that’s a time period thing from long ago.. but still gross to me. LOL

 

Post # 15
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@NAvery:  +1 the last wedding i attended mentioned the wedding night and “physically” enjoying eachother in the ceremony. They were waiting until the wedding night, which is totally fine, but not something i would want said at my wedding nor did i want to hear it at theirs. We already knew the groom was excited…enough info.  Friends at the wedding also found it a bit awkward and didnt like the mention either.

Post # 16
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Not everyone does the garter toss. I’m not, and neither are a lot of bees, as you can see from previous posts. I don’t mind it at other weddings. I don’t see it as sexual, just silly.

And very few people do a budoir photo shoot. I don’t know anyone IRL that has done one (though I suppose they don’t tell everyone about it).

I have never been to a wedding that seemed over-sexualized, or even sexual at all. Most are traditional. There’s a lot more to weddings than a garter toss.

@NAvery:  Eww! Really? Aren’t the couples mortified?

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