(Closed) Over-sexualizing weddings?

posted 7 years ago in Traditions
Post # 77
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Darcy212: Oh wow really!? I honestly thought they were all American things. I’m from the South.

Post # 78
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@kittyfinn: you asked why women do boudoir shots and what men are supposed to do with them? I am doing them for the both of us, but really as a gift to him because they’re sexy and fun and I want to. I’m going to look great for the wedding and I want to show it off and document it and do it for my husband to enjoy later. Maybe he’ll just frame one and keep it by his bedside, and maybe he will use the photos during his “solo time”. And so what if he does? I’d love the idea of him receiving pleasure from the images and again, it’s just something fun and intimate to do for the man I love who tells me everyday how beautiful I am, on the inside and out. Why does there have to be more or less of a reason than that?

Post # 79
Member
2081 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@lealorali:  Lol, yeah, I can see what you are saying. I couldn’t afford her dresses to begin with but even if I could I wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing some of her dresses in front of my father. I had a pretty strict upbringing and my father is very religious.

Post # 80
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

The garter toss harkens to a tradition called “stripping the bride” for consummation which is every bit as awful as it sounds.  I’m wearing a garter, but we’re not tossing it and likely noone at the reception will even be aware of it.

90% of the wedding content on Pinterest makes me want to vomit.  I started a companion hell-no wedding board for the choicier content which is more popular than my inspiration board.  The thing to remember is that 90% of the Pinterest wedding content is supplied by wedding vendors, and a lot of it isn’t even from real couples.  Take it all for what it is.  I got a lot more inspiration from this board and reading a couple of books.

Post # 81
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@kittyfinn:  Ah, well, I’ve never thought of it as an essential part of wedding planning. Or never heard of it as being part of a checklist. I’m not even sure I would put a boudoir shoot as part of my own checklist – if anything it may be a spontaneous thing. I don’t even know of anyone personally who has done that (or if they have that they cared to share, thank goodness – I really don’t want to see friends/relatives in that kind of undress). And, yes, some of the weddings do seem to be more sexualized with the wedding dresses you see and what people do share. I do also believe that a lot of this over-sexualization is actually with a much smaller portion of brides – it’s just more interesting television and whatnot.

As for the dresses that Pina Torina makes … Oh gosh … I didn’t realize any wedding dress were made to show that much flesh. I never dreamed that they existed, as a PP said, until Say Yes to the Dress. Nor am I now enamoured with them. I am personally glad to see more stylish modest dresses out there right now.

Post # 82
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@eliseemma:  It refers to an Arabic tradition. In this tradition, the bride is “deflowered” on the wedding night. The mother of the groom takes the sheets on the next day, which still have the blood from the bride’s broken hymen on them, and displays them outside her home. She then ululates and sings about how her son married a “clean” and virtuous woman. Her neighbours then join in the ritual song. The couple then spend three days and nights inside their house as a married couple, in seclusion…. the equivalent of a honeymoon.

@Mrsluckywife:  I have seen a garter toss in the UK, but it’s more “cheeky” than sexual. I’ve seen a bride pull the garter from her sleeve/cleavage/whatever and give it to her new husband to toss, saying “here’s one I removed earlier!”. I’ve never seen the groom actually publically remove the garter!

@anemonie:  “Actually, a lot of things we call “traditional,” while you may be able to see how there are similaritiesfrom older, patriarchal traditions, are not actually traditional parts of weddings. You would not have seen a bride in a white dress, garter, and veil prior to the 20th century in the West, and these traditions have no direct relationship with  traditions from other cultures of “selling” a bride, nor were brides always virgins at the time white dresses came into vogue. There has been a bit of borrowing inspiration from other times and cultures, but it doesn’t seem the meaning has transfered with the appropriation. These aspects can be interpreted as you like, but they are fairly modern and I don’t think anti-feminist if the symbols are not used to reinforce patriarchal a value system.”

Absolutely!

@jsanford:  “The garter toss harkens to a tradition called “stripping the bride” for consummation” Yes, I thought this as well. My understanding was that the bride’s clothing was thought to be lucky, so guests would follow the bride and groom to the marriage bed and strip the clothing from the bride as they went in order to bring them luck. Eventually, the bride and groom started the tradition of throwing the garter in order to stop their guests from bothering them… it was like saying “here! take this and **** off, because you’re not getting anything else!”

In answer to the rest of this… I think a lot of marriage traditions have to do with sex, because marriage has traditionally been used to legitimise sex or put it in its “proper” place. Wearing white (although traditionally then brides would wear blue, if you go back far enough), having a veil (although, again, this originally had a different meaning) etc etc… all of these are now invested with social meanings about sexuality and virginity. I don’t think it’s necessarily new… more that we are more aware of it now. That said, I was still dismayed when I read through my options for my Catholic wedding ceremony, and saw that half of the ceremony was talking about our “fruitful union”. I mean, I plan to have kids, but I don’t think that the potential future state of my uterus is really an appropriate thing to speculate on during my wedding, y’know?

Post # 83
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@This Time Round:  Thanks for a very interesting post. I love burlesque stuff as well. My Maid/Matron of Honor is organising my hen party, and I suspect we might be having burlesque classes or similar (although obviously it’s a secret). Squee! I also know that I’m having part of the “do” as a girl’s only event, and part as a mixed gender event, so I hope the girl’s only thing is something like burlesque.

I would absolutely die of embarassment if my hen involved a male stripper, or anything “cheeky” or in any way sensual in front of men though! Maybe if they were gay men it would be different, but even so! I’m fascinated by burlesque stuff, but I would much rather save it for the privacy of the bedroom.

Post # 84
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

We had the garter toss – but it was never on my leg and it was never taken off. He just threw it. I was NOT comfortable with that kind of display at my wedding – and I agree with you, in mixed company. I do feel it’s inappropriate for a wedding, though it’s been done at every wedding I’ve attended. No insult to those who have done it – different strokes for different folks – but it does seem out of place to me at an otherwise classy event.

Our respective families have no place in our bedroom. I don’t see why it would be different at the wedding.

Post # 85
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Rachel631: Ah I see! 🙂 I haven’t seen it yet.

Post # 86
Member
854 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t know where I’ve been but I’ve never seen that before – online or in person.  In terms of the garter toss, I actually didn’t think people did that anymore. 🙂

 

Post # 87
Member
8686 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m not into garter toss or boudoir pics but I dont understand why criticize them when a lot of women on these boards do them. People on here get offended for WAY LESS so I would assume this thread will offend some bees. If you don’t like something keep it moving. It’s like when people dont like Facebook…they delete it or stay off of it. A lot of things on Pinterest are ridiculous and not just for weddings. It seems simple to me…don’t go on Pinterest. You can get less sexual ideas from bridal magazines that are possibly geared towards a more modest or religious bride if you need them.

Post # 88
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

Fiance is going to have the garter on his arm (underneath his shirt) before we do it. And then he’s going to just slip it off his arm and be like “EYYY I GOT IT”.

Post # 90
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Okay. So I read this post last week and it has stuck with me since so I just HAVE to post. 

 

I myself am a woman who embraces her sexuality, and even focus my studies on sexuality during my schooling. I am also a self-proclaimed “equalist” rather than a “feminist” because of people who tend to say hypocritcal things such as in this post. 

Before women became liberated they did not have control of their own bodies, and ESPECIALLY did not have control of their own sexuality. Even at the time of liberation and until the last little while women have had more liberation EXCEPT for their sexuality. If you want to be a feminist then maybe you should open your eyes. Women back in the day dreamed of being able to take sexy pictures of themselves without being judged, now when they do it, it seems that most of the people judging the whole idea is feminisits themselves. 

Weddings have not recently become sexualized. If a woman decides of her own free will to take sexy pictures for her husband as a surprise and he is not even asking for them, then that is a true testament as to how far we have come. We shouldn’t be shunning women for seeing the beauty in themselves and having the courage to do something that others can’t.

 

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