Over the drama with bridal party

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
5842 posts
Bee Keeper

Most people don’t suddenly change when they’re in a bridal party. MOHs/BMs who flake on you, back out of things and aren’t good communicators were probably already friends who flake on you, back out of things and aren’t good communicators. But likely there were other positive good qualities that made you ask them to be in your bridal party. It’s disappointing your Maid/Matron of Honor wasn’t better at communicating with the BMs and left your mom doing everything- but if you think about it, isn’t this the kind of friend she’s been in other instances? The friend you have fun with but can’t always count on? The fits are probably part of her usual MO too. Just try to make the best of things, enjoy your wedding, and when the dust settles on all of this, you may end up reflecting on all of this and decide if the positives of her friendship outweigh the negatives . 

Post # 3
12512 posts
Honey Beekeeper

You were right the first time. All these events are optional and voluntary. Budgets here are obviously tight and you have no idea what other pressures people are dealing with. So I think you have to be understanding and lose the entitlement. 

Sounds like Maid/Matron of Honor made the mistake of just assuming the other BMs would or should contribute.  I also think your other friends were feeling imposed upon, without ever agreeing to participate or being consulted. 

What Maid/Matron of Honor should have done is ask up front IF anyone was interested in participating or co-hosting. If not, then she could have decided if she was willing to host on her own. Since a shower is really only supposed to be low key and intimate, it certainly does not have to be expensive. I think she felt she took on more than she could handle alone, but I also think she brought some of that on herself. 

She has no right to tell you who to use for hair and makeup just as you have no right to tell her where to go or whom to use, if anyone. 

There’s plenty of time to plan an evening out with friends in May. 

Post # 4
567 posts
Busy bee

I feel like we have the same bridal party 😂

Post # 8
1319 posts
Bumble bee

RobbieAndJuliahaha :  It would’ve been amazing if the site had changed your abbreviation “MO” to “modus operandi,” which wouldn’t have been nearly as annoying as reading “Maid/Matron of Honor” 58 times. 

OP, I can imagine that it would be hurtful if your besties didn’t seem to want to party and celebrate your wedding. Even though we’ve been told countless times that our weddings aren’t as important to anyone but us, we still kinda feel like our friends aren’t coming through for us in a BIG moment. I can see that. 

How old are you all? That COULD be a factor. Is anyone living out of town? Are they generally big partiers/drinkers/etc., or homebodies? Do THEY all know each other well? 

Post # 9
12512 posts
Honey Beekeeper

katie62018 :  I don’t think you are entitled in general and did not mean to insinuate that you are. I meant it literally, as in drop any and all expectations. 

I have no idea why your Maid/Matron of Honor felt overwhelmed. It’s possible that she was referring to the planning and time as much as the money. When no one stepped up to help her, she could have realized she was in over her head. It’s also possible she never asked your mother and mother in law for help because traditionally it’s inappropriate for family to host.

I think she backed  herself into a situation and didn’t know how to deal with it. But if your mother wanted to host, I can see why she’d step way back.

Are you sure she was lying about the money? Maybe she meant that she would have had to spend money she didn’t have if your mother didn’t take over. Or maybe she’s already invested money she didn’t have to spend on some things, for example games and decorations.

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