Post # 1
I know this is going to come off as whiny and spoiled but I’m venting. I know you are not entitled to have a shower or bachelorette party.
My Maid/Matron of Honor offered to throw me a shower because my mom said “Why do you need a shower?”. My mom slowed warmed up once my Maid/Matron of Honor started planning and reached out to say that she would pay for all the food. My shower is being held in our church so we have the hall for free. My Maid/Matron of Honor sent a message asking the other two bridemaids if they would pitch in and help her for the shower. My Maid/Matron of Honor vented that no one responded to her and my BMs all sent me messages saying that she didn’t respond to their offer to help. No I did not ask them but when talking to them about general stuff they told me. I’m being put in the middle of this and I’m frustrated. My Maid/Matron of Honor has been dropping hints that the shower is too much for her to plan even though my mom was paying for the food, favors, invites, and game prizes. My mom reached out to her to say that she will take the entire shower over and my Maid/Matron of Honor was relived. I’m kind of hurt by it because she made it into a big deal about how she has been spending all this time and money planning the shower and that is completely false.
My Maid/Matron of Honor has also thrown fits at the hair and makeup places I’ve looked at because they are too expensive for her yet I’m not requiring hair or makeup for any of the girls.
My Maid/Matron of Honor did consult me about the bachelorette party because I have health issues and she wanted to see what would be feasible for everyone. I told her I was happy doing whatever but none of the other BMs or friends have heard anything and the bachelorette was supposed to be in the beginning of May.
The BMs have all ordered their dresses now but no one had until last week and I told them they had a deadline because this was getting ridiculous.
I’m just feeling frustrated because I see everyone else having their bridal party want to participate and my girls don’t . No one seems interested or the lack of communication is starting problems.
Post # 2
Most people don’t suddenly change when they’re in a bridal party. MOHs/BMs who flake on you, back out of things and aren’t good communicators were probably already friends who flake on you, back out of things and aren’t good communicators. But likely there were other positive good qualities that made you ask them to be in your bridal party. It’s disappointing your Maid/Matron of Honor wasn’t better at communicating with the BMs and left your mom doing everything- but if you think about it, isn’t this the kind of friend she’s been in other instances? The friend you have fun with but can’t always count on? The fits are probably part of her usual MO too. Just try to make the best of things, enjoy your wedding, and when the dust settles on all of this, you may end up reflecting on all of this and decide if the positives of her friendship outweigh the negatives .
Post # 3
You were right the first time. All these events are optional and voluntary. Budgets here are obviously tight and you have no idea what other pressures people are dealing with. So I think you have to be understanding and lose the entitlement.
Sounds like Maid/Matron of Honor made the mistake of just assuming the other BMs would or should contribute. I also think your other friends were feeling imposed upon, without ever agreeing to participate or being consulted.
What Maid/Matron of Honor should have done is ask up front IF anyone was interested in participating or co-hosting. If not, then she could have decided if she was willing to host on her own. Since a shower is really only supposed to be low key and intimate, it certainly does not have to be expensive. I think she felt she took on more than she could handle alone, but I also think she brought some of that on herself.
She has no right to tell you who to use for hair and makeup just as you have no right to tell her where to go or whom to use, if anyone.
There’s plenty of time to plan an evening out with friends in May.
Post # 4
I feel like we have the same bridal party 😂
Post # 5
RobbieAndJuliahaha : Typically she’s not super flakey but it feels like it’s coming out of nowhere. One of the BMs is flakey but has followed through with getting her dressed ordered and wanting to be in the loop.
Post # 6
jessiebear85 : The end of wedding planning is not fun! I try to be the best friend at all times. I’m always the one who is there for everyone and who everyone goes to for advice and support but it sucks not to receive it back 🙁
Post # 7
weddingmaven : Thanks and I do agree with alot of what you’ve said. Being entitled is not something I agree with. I already said I felt whiny, venty, and bratty and calling me entitled is doing nothing for me. I get that she shouldn’t have volunteered to throw the shower with the expectation that the BMs woudl kick in but then again it wasn’t my place to plan the shower or to know that was her thought process. She not only had my mom willing to help but also my future mother in law and other family members but she chose to not contact them and only the BMs. The invites are already sent out and now in the past couple of weeks everything has been an battle with her. I don’t really understand where the major costs for the party are coming from though if the venue is free, my mom is taking care of ALL of the food, drinks, cake, and etc, the favors, gifts, and invites? It’s one thing to say she can’t do the shower but after the invites are out it’s kind of too late and what is she even responsibile for at this point? It’s the fact that she lied to myself and my mom that she WANTED to do a bunch of stuff and how she spent money and was broke from the shower when there wasn’t money spent. If I’m being entitled that the invities are out and she is flaking on every activity that she set up then I guess I’m entitled. My point was I’m getting all the frustrations and complaints from everyone when honestly I would’ve declined a shower and a bachelorette had I known the headache that it was going to cause when I’m 3 months away from the wedding.
Post # 8
RobbieAndJuliahaha : It would’ve been amazing if the site had changed your abbreviation “MO” to “modus operandi,” which wouldn’t have been nearly as annoying as reading “Maid/Matron of Honor” 58 times.
OP, I can imagine that it would be hurtful if your besties didn’t seem to want to party and celebrate your wedding. Even though we’ve been told countless times that our weddings aren’t as important to anyone but us, we still kinda feel like our friends aren’t coming through for us in a BIG moment. I can see that.
How old are you all? That COULD be a factor. Is anyone living out of town? Are they generally big partiers/drinkers/etc., or homebodies? Do THEY all know each other well?
Post # 9
katie62018 : I don’t think you are entitled in general and did not mean to insinuate that you are. I meant it literally, as in drop any and all expectations.
I have no idea why your Maid/Matron of Honor felt overwhelmed. It’s possible that she was referring to the planning and time as much as the money. When no one stepped up to help her, she could have realized she was in over her head. It’s also possible she never asked your mother and mother in law for help because traditionally it’s inappropriate for family to host.
I think she backed herself into a situation and didn’t know how to deal with it. But if your mother wanted to host, I can see why she’d step way back.
Are you sure she was lying about the money? Maybe she meant that she would have had to spend money she didn’t have if your mother didn’t take over. Or maybe she’s already invested money she didn’t have to spend on some things, for example games and decorations.