Post # 1
Just wanted to get some advice! I am in 4 weddings this year including having my own. We are all really close and have been best friends since college! Two of the Bachelorette weekends are one right after each other..and one is a month later…. Each weekend consists of paying and splitting for the flights, room, transportation, dinners, bottle service/tables and pool parties as well as bringing a gift for the bride… its adding up reallllllly fast.. not to mention I am trying to pay deposits for my own wedding vendors…The bridesmaids dresses cost me about $270-310.00 apiece. For these 3 weddings, Bridesmaids were also expected to host the bridal shower and bring a gift? … I am being unreasonable or is it customary to expect so much from your friends? Is anyone else having these 3-4 day over the top bachelorette parties? Am I being unreasonable for thinking this is very over the top? Thanks for the responses!
I think I need a second full time job…. Depressing! Haha-Jamie
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@jlynn14: If you’re ALL four a group of friends, then I guess you’re just paying out what your’e paying for the other’s parties. Yes, I think this is over the top — why can’t at LEAST the two bach parties a week apart be combined? If you’re all friends I don’t see the problem…
Post # 4
@mchitt329: +1. That sounds like a cost effective solution.
I would never attend an event that I couldn’t afford to attend, or would take away from my own goals and priorities, i.e. paying for my own weddingmoon.
Post # 5
I would combine a trip. Like Thursday is Bride #1’s night, Friday #2’s, etc…I would def not be doing big parties over and over, that’s crazy!
Post # 6
I’ll be damned if I’m getting a 2nd job to attend weddings as Bridesmaid or Best Man or a guest. Nope.
Post # 7
I just spent $1200 on a bachelorette weekend and it is common among my friends, however in your case I would definitely suggest combining them or just not attending all of them. If you can afford it they are awesome but if it’s a burden I wouldn’t kill yourself to come up with the money.
Post # 8
God don’t get me started on bachlorette parties, I find anything other than hitting a few bars to be absolutely INSANE!!!!
I would just tell everyone up front that you are not in a position to lay down that kind of cash and just bow out of the festivities. A wedding party I’m in this fall is going through some of the same issues and when the first email came around about the bach party I responded with “I’m a student planning my own wedding so my cash flow is limited, so I might not be able to make it depending on what you guys decide on”. I think the key is being up front from the beginning.
Post # 9
@jlynn14: I think the two that are back to back should be combined if you are all one circle of friends.
Also, let me say that when anyone chooses to have an “over the top” bachelorette party you should expect that someone may not be able to go. We are going to Jamaica for my bachelorette for 4 days and my Maid/Matron of Honor isnt coming. No bad blood at all. She is a single mom of 3 and in another wedding this summer. My other bm is also not coming and I dont feel any way about it. I do have other girls coming that are not in the bridal party.
If they cant combine them and/or choose something a bit cheaper I would let them know I’m unable to come. People need to be understanding of other’s finances.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Thankfully this is uncommon among my group of friends. We just do a night out and everyone splits the party bus and the bride’s drinks for the night. A weekend-long bachelorette party would be out of my budget so I would regretfully decline all of them so nobody feels singled out.
Post # 11
I hear you. I thought my bach was pretty awesome (night in a hotel and day at an indoor waterpark), but compared to some of what I’ve heard, a lot of bachelor/ette parties seem akin to the honeymoon in OTT-ness! I think it’s awesome if that’s what everyone can afford, but everyone’s budget should be taken into account when planning.
ETA: I’m currently trying to talk Darling Husband down from the $600 budget he wants to set for his friend’s bachelor party! I know his best friend (who was also our best man) means a lot to him, and it’s important to him to show him an amazing time. But it’s possible to have an amazing time without spending $600 just for the bachelor party!
Post # 12
Thanks for all the advice! I did suggest a combinded party but it looks as though each bride would like their own time to shine! Oh well.. I guess i will make it to part of each weekend or as best as I can to support each friend..
Post # 13
@jlynn14: That is what I do: I will go for what I’m able to. It usually pisses *someone* off, be it the bride or an overly-protective Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 14
Some people have those. Some people don’t. I didn’t – my bach party was dinner at my favorite restaurant + a party at my house. My husband did though. HOWEVER my friends are in their mid twenties, and his are in their mid thirties to early forties (we are a decade apart in age), so the financial situations there are pretty different. Also, none of his friends were expected to go – they just sent out an email like “we’ll be in vegas from x-y, staying at this hotel, hit us up if you want to come.” People who didn’t go had a separate thing in town for him the week before the wedding.
A friend of my parents hosted my shower. (No one is EXPECTED to host a shower – you wait until someone VOLUNTEERS to host it, and then consent. If you do not want to participate in hosting the shower, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO.)
If the bach parties are too expensive, don’t go. If you want to help host the shower but can’t contribute much money, do something like making/addressing/mailing the invitations, or cleaning up afterwards.
Post # 15
Um, wow, I feel very very sorry for you right now because that is a sucky position to be in. Is bowing out of all of them an option? Or going for part of the time but not all?
I don’t understand people these days tbh…expecting their friends to shell out tons and tons of money for stupid pre-wedding stuff. Its crazy!!
Post # 16