(Closed) Over Waiting.

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee

I’m really sorry.

I dated someone for years who did something similar. We met in our very early twenties and never got into details of house, rings, etc., but he always assured me that we were moving towards marriage. Then, deep in my late 20s, guess what? Our relationship “wasn’t working” for him. I felt really upset that I’d put so much effort into a partnership that wasn’t going to last, and I also felt that it was unfair of him to wait so long.

It seems like your BF is being a wimp and trying to push you into breaking up with him because he’s not man enough to do it. Instead, he’s creating an untenable situation for you: move across the country for a boyfriend, not even to a city you like, 0% compromise from him, no commitment…. I’m sorry, but it isn’t a loving thing to do. I think he doesn’t want to get married but isn’t man enough to admit it.

Post # 3
Member
13 posts
Newbee

frustratedinlove, welcome to the bee. I am very sorry you are going through this. Two things stand out to me with your story. It looks to me like both of you want different things as far as your future goes. I realize this is difficult to hear, but he is selfish. Take it from someone who had a selfish exBF, they make lousy partners in life because it is all about them. 

When you do find the right guy, he will never even let thoughts of dangling your future in front of you enter his mind. That is just downright cruel. 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by tinabee3.
  • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by tinabee3.
Post # 4
Member
3383 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
frustratedinlove:  I’m very sorry you’re going through this. I’m proud of you for being honest with yourself about the situation, and realizing that walking away may be best. I know it’s hard, especially after investing years of your life with him. But its not fair for you to have to settle. You’ve gone through a lot in the last few years, and you deserve to be truly happy. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
2921 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

He’s a dick. There are better men. Leave. He’ll never put you first. Or even second. 

Post # 6
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

This relationship has become toxic.  If you would resent him if he asked you to marry him tomorrow that’s really really bad.  I don’t think he will ever be the partner you are looking for.  This relationship has run its course.  As hard as it is to end it, I definitely think that is the right decision.

Post # 7
Member
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

It seems like he’s manipulating you. You sound like a smart, strong, ambitious woman—I think you’ll do great no matter what happens to you, and your future without this guy might be particularly bright. It seems like hjj have good instincts, so keep listening to them!

Post # 8
Member
2769 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

It sounds like you are looking for permission to end it and start living life for you again. Honey, you do you!

 

 

Post # 9
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

Your story of getting into Law school and being determined to go, standing up for what you believe in, and overcoming a serious illness and regaining your health again are all so inspirational.  You are a very strong person.  Kudos to you!  About your SO, I am really sorry to hear what is happening and I think he is stringing you along. If he truly wanted to propose to you, he would have by now. Why talk about it so much if he’s not going to do it?? That’s the part that would piss me off. He talked and talked about wanting to marry you and took you ring shopping and did online ring shopping with you countless times – it just seems to me like he wanted you to believe he wanted marriage, but the reality is that he wants what he wants in his life in place first before he would do anything to make you happy.  He is always putting himself first (wanting to buy a house, wanting to move to be closer to his family, wanting to propose later than you want, etc.).  I agree with another poster that he is manipulating you.  Do you love him? Do you want to be with him no matter what?  I think you have so much potential and you’re smart and sound like such a lovely person – you deserve more!  Don’t wait around for someone to come around if they’re never going to come around. Don’t settle – you have your life together and know where you wan to go, he doesn’t.  I think you can find someone so much better who would be true to his word and want the same things you want.  

Post # 10
Member
2953 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
frustratedinlove:  I think it’s time to call it. What gets me the most was how he was suddently reinterested in getting engaged once you addressed your health. Sounds like he’s in it for him and not “us.”

Post # 11
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

View original reply
mangosandcats:  It’s not supposed to be this hard. You guys are worlds apart at this point. Why force it?

Post # 12
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

It sounds to me like he is changing his mind back and forth. When he wants to marry you he gets all excited and starts planning, but then he has second thoughts and tries to come up with excuses or ways to make it difficult. 

Unless you can deal with no guarantee of getting married you should probably leave.

Post # 13
Member
2633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
frustratedinlove:   I would break up with him and move on with my life. I think this guy is a complete manbaby and not ready to be in a serious relationship. He expects you to be the one to make every single sacrifice without compromising at all. All of his actions are out of pure selfishness. There is no “WE” plans in his future. Everything is about what HE wants and what he expects YOU to go along with. He was never serious about marrying you or purchasing a home with you. He did that to play the part and keep you around because it would buy him some time, and guess what? at the end of all that, he decided that what he wanted wasn’t an engagement or house, it was to quit his job and move to live back with mommy and daddy. That move was 100% calculated for his own benefit. The fact that he has ZERO direction, no plans for the future other than moving and being with his family, and also won’t even blink before he drops a great career to move somewhere where he has no viable prospects for a home and job, means he is not responsible and soooo not marriage material. Is this what you really want out of a marriage or partner? I wouldn’t.

Even if he were to take the plunge and propose, the only thing you could expect at this point is more sacrificing on your end and more indecision on his end.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by MissJulianna.
Post # 14
Member
1113 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly, it sounds like he just doesn’t have the guts to break up with you so he keeps placing unrealistic expectations/plans over your head that he KNOWS you can’t meet, so that way when you guys break up, it’ll look like it’s all your fault.

Honestly, the CO thing seemed like a really great compromise.  You would be moving, he would be closer to family (weekend trips wouldn’t be hard, really!).  This alone tells me you guys are in different places.  Do you really want to be with someone who isn’t willing to at least compromise with you?

If he wanted to marry you, you would have been married by now.  I’m so sorry about all your struggles.  You deserve better, and he is out there.

Post # 15
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

Wow. This was tough to read.

He is jerking you around and the fact he now wants to wait until the END of 2016 (18 more months) before even getting engaged, at this rate you’d be lucky to be married before 2018. 

I agree with everyone else that he doesn’t want to marry you and is Playing games. Definitely don’t move with him, even with a ring on your finger I think he will be stalling to get to the altar.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by acesandeights.

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