Post # 1
Ok, hive, I’m having a problem here with a bridesmaid.
I’ve mentioned her before, but things have not gotten better. Bear with me if this gets long…
She and I have been friends since first grade. Granted, we haven’t always been real close, but have gotten closer in older years. I was her maid of honor in her wedding last year.
When I didn’t ask her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, she was upset, but she "let it go" because the person I did choose has been my friend since we were 3 and 4 years old.
I have six bridesmaids all together, my junior bridesmaid included. When I first told my friend that she was probably going to walk down the aisle fifth, she threw a fit and said that meant she wasn’t a close friend to me. So to appease her, I switched up the order to make her second. She considered herself the "unofficial" maid of honor in the "second place" position…
Well one of my FI’s groomsmen had to drop out. We’ve already decided on the pairing of the maids and men, judging on who would be more comfortable with whom. Well that pushes her back down to "fifth" place and she’s not happy. I thought about not telling her…but I did so to avoid a negative reaction the day of the wedding. Now I’m afraid she’s going to drop out.
Does the placement and order of the maids really matter that much?
Post # 3
My bridesmaids are being lined up by height. I love all of them equally!
Post # 4
I don’t know where she got that whole order of the bridesmaids by importance thing. Other than the maid of honor, it doesn’t necessarily mean that. Some do it by heighth, or by how you are doing it. I would just call her up and very nicely explain the reasoning and tell her that the order has nothing to do with who you like better. Just schmooze her up a little by telling her that you’re happy she’s going to be a part of your day, etc. If she’s any kind of friend at all, she’ll understand and drop it. I really hope it goes smooth for you! Good luck!
Post # 5
Hmmmm…. Is she in your wedding because she cares about you or because she wants some kinda of recongnition? It is an honor to be asked to be in a wedding party – she is not treating it that way.
I would explain to her the why of how you are lining up couples. If she continues to throw a fit – ‘ask her why she wants to be in your wedding’. If her answer is because she’s your friend and she wants to share in your day and help you out — let her know that her reactions are not being a ‘help’. Seriously if she keeps throwing fits and adding stress I’d boot her out of the wedding. Doesn’t sound like a true friend. Not a mature one at least.
Best of luck! I hope she quits causing you uneeded stress!
(Also, any wedding I’ve been in (which is at least 5) – the order of the wedding party is worked out at the rehersal and usually because of height. So no one would even know before then their ‘order’ before then)
Post # 6
If she’s going to drop out based on what order the BMs walk down the aisle, you’re probably better off without her. Seriously. It’s really controlling and immature of her. Also, jilian’s idea about lining everybody up by height is great. Having been a Bridesmaid or Best Man several times, I have to say it doesn’t really matter who you walk with. You have your hand on their arm for something like 30 seconds max, twice in one day, at the rehearsal and again at the wedding. How comfortable do you have to be? It’s not like you’re sharing a room with the guy who escorts you down the aisle.
Post # 7
I thought the Maid/Matron of Honor was the last to walk out before the bride? Into the ceremony I mean. it really shouldn’t matter, but to her it does. do the guys and girls have to walk paired up this way? It just seems like if she is going to be upset about something that is no big deal, then change it around again because it really doesn’t matter – just to make her happy. silly yes, but you’d still have a friend.
Post # 8
We lined our bridal party up in the order that we met them. Example: my Maid/Matron of Honor (sister), his cousin, my college friends, then my post-college friends. It worked out well and no one seemed slighted.
Post # 9
i would go by the rule of height when ordering the bridal party. this does not imply anything at all.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery
I was in a wedding were one of the BMs pulled this cwrap w/ the bride. On the night of the rehearsal the Church’s coordinator said, "Okay how do you want the ladies to come in?" the bride said tallest to shortest and pushy Bridesmaid or Best Man chimes in w/, "except me I’m first, right after MOH!" We all rolled our eyes but didn’t say anything b/c that is how she is… I would recommend just letting her have her way to save yourself the trouble 🙂
Post # 11
Be honest with her and tell her you can’t take any more of her fits and wants. That in this situation she is being unreasonable. It doesn’t matter how they come in, it’s that they are important to you and you want them to be apart of your day.
Post # 12
I don’t get how "outside people" (i.e. not the bride/groom or even parents) think they can have so much say in YOUR wedding. This baffles me.
Post # 13
You are risking nothing if she pulls out, seriously! You can rustle up someone if need be. Is this what you want for your day…to babysit her? Does she not realise the point of a bridesmaid? They come from the days of a royal court, basically a MAID, someone to make your life easier, not harder. Lay it out in 2 sentences and honestly if she doesnt stick by you, she never was a friend!