(Closed) Overbearing girlfriend!!!!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1010 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Sayr9489:  Sounds like she’s incredibly lonely, unable to read social cues, or determined to be a (pardon) cock-block. It may be she has the maturity of a teenage girl, with wanting sleepovers and such. Have you suggested she go hang out with her other friends? Maybe dropping some not-so-subtle hints about wanting to enjoy your man ALONE may make her think twice about inviting herself over constantly.

Post # 4
Member
3152 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@Sayr9489:  why not be honest and tell her. A straight sit down. “Becky, I value your friendship but right now you are asking more than I can give. I am recently married and am focused on that. I am a happy to have lunch at work/dinner occasionally but I feel like you are asking a lot of me right now. I feel A lot of pressure because you ask for so much of my time.’

ive had friends like this. It’s exhausting. She needs a life. And I don’t mean that to be mean. She just needs to get busy- join a gym or something. 

Post # 5
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Sounds like you need to set some boundaries.I would hang out with her once a week and decline any other offers.No sleepovers,having lunch daily,etc.She will get the hint.

Post # 6
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You are not wrong, but I say…tread carefully. Sounds like she’s really lonely. One of my BEST friends used to be this girl. Eventually I had to say to her, “You know, I get the sense that you’re upset with me when I turn you down for plans. I really like spending time with you, but I have a lot of other things on my plate with other friends, work, my SO, and me time. I can’t always hang out with you.” I said it in a very kind way and she understood. She still asks me to hang out a lot, but I just say no if I can’t/don’t want to. 

Have you tried setting up a “girl’s night?” Maybe you can pick a day during the week you always grab dinner? 

Post # 7
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

She sounds really lonely. She recently moved to a new area and you’re probably the only person she already knew when she got there. I think you should try to help her make new friends. Crashing at your place all the time is a little much. I would kindly say something about that. Maybe she has some sort of separation anxiety and should seek therapy for it?

@MsMonkey:  I agree with her suggestion, maybe set aside every Thursday evening for her, dinner and cocktails and catching up?

Post # 8
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My recommendation?  Start a book club.  She’ll have solid plans once a month, meet new people, and the pressure will be off you to entertain her. 

She might feel like all she has is you and if she isn’t constantly validating your friendship, she might lose you.  Think of it as the clingy girlfriend who is so scared of losing her boyfriend that she will call ten times in a row.  She’s leaning on you, so you need to prop her up on her own. 

And yes, sometimes you need to be honest.  “I love hanging out with you and I always have so much fun with you, but I feel as though my relationship with you is taking precedence to my marriage and my home.  I need to put him first so I need to cut down on the amount of time we spend together.”

Post # 9
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

She sounds lonely to me too. I can totally understand why that annoys you though, because you’re a newly-wed and you want some private time with your husband. I would sit her down, and explain to her your need to want to be alone and boundaries. Be nice, she really sounds like she needs a friend.

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