(Closed) Overbearing grandma

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
2842 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

MrsJenningsToBe: Just like grandma can’t control you (as your anti-God/church history has proven), you can’t control how she responds or what she says. If she says hurtful or negative things, the best way to respond is just to say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Then you have to move on with your convictions.

I can’t help but think that you and your grandma are equally stubborn 🙂 It must have skipped your dad and gone straight to you 😉

As for your FI, I think he needs to suck it up and go to family events with you. Sure, your grandma may not be his favorite person, but you love her and she is your family which means that she will be HIS family, too. He just needs to learn to see the good things in her like you have.

Post # 3
1814 posts
Buzzing bee

She acts this way because she has always been allowed to.  She pulls her passive aggressive stunt and everyone marches to her drum.  She is good at what she does because she has always been allowed to do it.

Since you are two years out I wouldn’t even broach the topic right now or you are going to be talking about it for the next two years!  It is time for someone in the family to let G’ma know she is loved but you are doing your own thing.  When the time comes, tell her you are going to the CH to get married and that it isn’t up for discussion.  If she browbeats you, hang up or leave every single time she brings it up.  Every time.

You will be the family hero in the end and others will start standing their ground too.  It is time, but dont’ bring this up now or your next two years might not be so joyful.

Post # 4
45636 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with the pp. Even though you are excited and planning now, with the wedding 2 years away I would put any discussion of this on hold until just before you mail the invitations. Why burden yourself with the extra year and a half of objections from her?

Post # 5
9482 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would just nod and smile and pacify your grandma, and try to connect with her wonderfulness and turn a blind eye to her controlling ways and do your best to keep the peace. She’ll be gone one day, probably soon.

I so wish I could hear my grandmother hem and haw about southern hosting ettiquette again!


Post # 6
1511 posts
Bumble bee

You only allow her controlling ways to affect you if you change and bend to her will. Don’t discuss wedding details with her, plan exactly how you want your day to go and send her an invitation when the time comes. If she has negative comments, you just have to put on a good face and deflect.

Post # 7
2687 posts
Sugar bee

You’re two years out, so I would avoid any wedding discussion with her for the time being.  In this case, it would be better to ask for forgiveness than permission.  It sounds like she is going to raise objections no matter what you decide, so save yourself some stress and wait to tell her any important details.  Plan your wedding exactly how you want it, and approach the topic with her when you are ready to send formal invitations.

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