Post # 1
Who else is dealing with an overbearing (dominant personality) moh?
I’ve had various issues with my moh over that last few months, mostly with my bridal shower and bachelorette, but I’ve not complained much because those are things that I don’t really care that much about, as long as people show up and have fun. But now she has crossed the line. She called the bm that is doing the alterations to my wedding dress and told her to change how she is doing the bustle! For a more detailed explanation and pictures click here.
How are you dealing with overbearing bm’s? Any suggestions?
I dropped the issue before she even knew how much it bothers me, in fact I think she thinks I’m mad at the bm who did the alterations (I’m not mad at her, just disappointed she didn’t call me first, and we’ve talked about it and it is cool).
Post # 3
"I dropped the issue before she even knew how much it bothers me" This is probably (one of) the issues. Clearly your friend (or sister, i’m guessing?) doesn’t sense limits, so you will need to tell her when she crossed the line. I suggest that you wait until a neutral time when both of you are relaxed and tell her (nicely) to step back. "MOH, I genuinely appreciate all the time and attention you have given to my wedding. It makes me feel loved that you care so much, and your planning skills are really helpful. But ultimately, it’s my wedding. I want to be the one making final decisions, even if I make a few mistakes along the way." Of course, you’re not going to make any "mistakes" – but I’m guessing that she’s being overbearing because in her mind she’s protecting you from making any.
Another way to deal with overbearing individuals is to simply not include them in the planning. Go with the "I just want you to be able to show up and enjoy yourself! Don’t worry about all the details – I’ll take care of it!" route.
Post # 4
oh my! i would make it clear to anyone else doing anything for the wedding that while your moh may have good intentions, any changes to plans need to go through you.
peachypear is right – try and find a neutral time to gently ask her to back off already. she’s acting out of love, but it’s your day!
Post # 5
Oh my GOD!!! If anyone, I mean ANYONE I knew actually had the nerve to change my attire or the way I wanted to wear it, I would rip them a new one! That is 100% completely overstepping any kind of boundary that exists…..how hard is it to bustle a dress for christ sake? I can’t believe you didn’t flip out on her! Really though, you should sit down and talk to her and explain to her that that was crossing the line. You spent a lot of money on a dress, it may not look the way you want it to now, and she had no right to say anything about it. If she was worried about doing the bustle, she should have talked to you, and you could have asked a bm to do it for you instead. Wow….I am just shocked at this one…..