- 10 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
this is my first bee post and I needed somewhere to vent and ask for support/advice. My fiance’s mother is very traditional chinese and likes to “HELP” with everything. By this, I mean interject her opinions on what should be done and how and if I don’t agree, then I get into a huge fight with my fiance as he is always in agreement with his mother.
First it started with only 4 dates she gave us in 2011 because those are the only auspicious lucky days we are allowed to get married. I didn’t want to get married on any of those dates because it’s a colder month and I wanted an outdoor wedding. Yet, I folded and said ok, to compromise.
Second and Third, she picked the venue of our reception which is a chinatown restaurant as this is the place with the “best food” for her asian family member guests otherwise they will “gossip about how bad the food was” if we don’t have it there. Again, annoyed but I said fine. Then she said, she is inviting 230 guests and I can invite 80. This is when I started to get frustrated… his mother isn’t paying for any of this so why does she get to decide everything??? Also, let me mention that my fiance isn’t steadily working so really the wedding is being paid by me. His mother thinks she is paying for the wedding reception because they are taking the gifts we receive in cash and paying for it, and then if there happens to be excess cost (for their 230 guests) she will cover it.
Then, yesterday was the last straw where my fiance told me I hate his family and he doesn’t see why we should get married if that’s the case. :(. His mother called him at midnight and insisted he go over her house to discuss the wedding. He obliges. I warn him this is going to cause another fight with us because I will probably not like what she now suggests… he claims it won’t, and obviously it did.
She suggested if I wanted a warmer day for wedding and pictures, that we fly somewhere warmer like CA to take our engagement photos and “mock” wedding photos. I thought that going for an engagement shoot out of state sounded like a good idea. Then it turns out, she meant his entire family would take a trip with us to CA and then be in all the pictures. DOES this make any sense to anyone?!?!?!??! Engagement shoot with his family? I got mad and said that makes no sense, why can’t they just be in our wedding pictures at our wedding. He took offense and said I hated his family. His mother also suggests I must take MLK day off to go to NY and find asian fabrics for my asian dress. I said I only get 10 vacation days this year I am going to save them and use them more efficiently (i.e. go on a day I can also schedule other appointments there).
Please help…. sorry I know this is very long but this culmination of fighting with my fiance has ultimately led us to questioning whether or not we should be together. I can’t help but think that he will always align with his mother even if her requests are ridiculous and in order to wed him, I must oblige by everything she wants. I’m just hurt, sad and frustrated…. I put a lot into our relationship and feel this is undeserving :(.