- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
I’m so glad I found this forum…am in need of some support and advice at the moment.
I’ll try to keep this short.
So first a little bit of background: I’m already married, and my husband and I eloped. Well, not really eloped, but I met him when I was living abroad and when it was time for me to move back to the states we decided that life here would be so much easier if we were married (so he could work, get my health insurance, this kind of thing). So we got married abroad without much fanfare and now, are as happy as can be.
My mother, however, stressed that she would like us to have a celebration for our family and freinds here, explaining that it would be nice to have something so that the people who wanted to celebrate with us could.
Then my mom said that she wanted to pay for it all, that she wanted to do something nice for us and this was her way of being involved.
I said ok.
And it all goes downhill from here. My husband and I want something simple, casual. We are not type for big fancy weddings, and we would rather have something laid back, even if it’s not “high class.” We’re more the do-it-yourself kind and we’d rather have something imperfect but done by us rather than something perfect and done by a wedding planner.
This is not acceptable to my mother. We have been fighting consistantly since all this wedding talk came about! We can’t even agree on a venue. I found a place that I really like–kind of like a farm. Lots of open space, and it really feels right for us. My mom says it’s too low class, and she has gone ahead and started planning something way fancy at a hotel that I don’t even like. I’ve asked her to stop, but she just says that she needs to do it for the family, that it’s all going to reflect on her. I tell her it’s not her party and she says that it is. And that she has to do something high class because it would be rude otherwise.
I’ve asked her not to pay for it, that we’d rather pay for it ourselves (even though we have no money) and have something that we want rather than having a party to make her look good. I don’t want to feel like I’m being a puppet, when it should be an occasion for everyone to get together to celebrate. (i didn’t actually say this though..the puppet part..)
This has been all to no avail, and there are lots of hurt feelings and anger and confusion. now, she’s just saying that she’s not going to come, she doesn’t want to be involved and that we are totally on our own. This is why I didn’t even want anything to begin with.
Does anyone have advice on how to deal with overbearing mothers who think it’s all about them????