(Closed) Overbearing parents finally broke fiancee!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wow. I’m so sorry to hear that you and your Fiance are going through this. I’m glad that you guys decided to put your foot down and get the wedding that you two want. If your Fiance is still very upset, maybe you should have dinner with your parents by yourself to spare him the stress of the situation. After everything has settled, remind him that its now only you two planning, and try to solicit ideas from him about the wedding. It may induce him to start participating back into everything. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My advice to him would be to make a run for it.

 

Post # 5
Member
3982 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@tovaford12: Really? Seriously? Your advice would be to leave the relationship because her family if going overboard? Wow…

 

I can’t even begin to understand how stressful and difficult your situation may be. But I think you are doing the right thing for you and for you Fiance. It is your wedding and should be the wedding you want. Period. And if that means it gets held off a little bit longer so you can afford what you want, so be it! If that means it isn’t everything your parents hoped and dreamed of, you can tell them what I got fed up and told me mom “If you want the wedding to be like that, then have your own!” Although, I am sure you can find much nicer words than me. lol. Just take a break from planning anything. You have plenty of time. Especially if it is going to be such a small event like you said. Give some time to breath and enhoy being engaged to such a wonderful man! And let him enjoy you! Leave your parents out of it until things cool off.

I really hope everything works out!

Post # 6
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@tovaford12: Wow, that’s rude.

OP, I’m sorry. I think you’re doing the right thing by paying for it yourself and having the wedding you want. Try to limit your and FI’s contact with your parents until the wedding is over.

Post # 7
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I hope I’m not the only one who thinks your fiance needs to suck it up a little (and buy you some flowers for what he said!!!).  It’s great that you guys are a united front about saying “no,” to your parents, but he can’t be walking around in a grouchy mood all of the time- you do still have YOUR wedding to plan, even if you’re both against your parents’ version of the wedding.  

By being bitter and sullen, he’s making you pay for your parents’ obnoxiousness.  

Post # 8
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

ELOPE! I’m so sorry you’re going through this!

 

Edited to change my post as I didn’t mean to make this out of spite for the family. But seriously, if it’s already small, it might make things easier =)

Post # 8
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

ELOPE! I’m so sorry you’re going through this!

 

Edited to change my post as I didn’t mean to make this out of spite for the family. But seriously, if it’s already small, it might make things easier =)

Post # 9
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@tovaford12: I really hope you meant advice to THEM…make a run for it, TOGETHER….

Post # 10
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I hope the comment about shoving it the parents face gets the same response my comment got.

And although my comment was rude and I’m sorry I phrased it the way I did, I do think this relationship is in serious trouble.  You don’t just marry one person, you do marry a family, and I hope things get fixed – but this is going to be VERY difficult

 

Post # 11
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@tovaford12: Just because a family is difficult does not mean a marriage can’t work and I find it shocking that anyone would suggest “running” because of that. If everyone canceled a wedding due to crazy families, 1% of people would actually end up married… My family is a little nuts (but of course I love ’em, they’re fam…ugh, exhausting, but fam), my Fiance deals with it by not coming to ALL family events and I don’t mind that at all. It works out fine cuz it’s a relatively normal practice for the DH’s in the family (we’re all women). 

And you were right, getting married to shove it in someone’s face is wrong, so I edited it.

Post # 12
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you just need to take a break. Not from the relationship, from wedding planning!

Someone said to me that when people get engaged, the bride goes crazy (in this case it is your mom who is wedding crazy) and you get back your bride on the honeymoon. While I don’t agree with this entirely, maybe your FH is not looking forward to talking about nothing but wedding plans for for the next 2 years.

Perhaps just take a month off, enjoy being engaged and doing all the fun stuff that brought you together in the first place without mentioning the wedding, at all. Get some fun boudoir pics for your FH, go on a mini vacation or just relax at home. In a month or so you can go back to planning but don’t bog your FH down with details and maybe limit wedding planning just to weekends or Sundays or whatever.

Go to dinner with your parents, sure, but tell your mom you don’t want to talk about the wedding, it’s just a “getting to know you” dinner.

Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If the wedding is 2013, you guys have room to slooooow down.  If your parents are this open to sharing ideas, I have to imagine that you’re close.  I know that I could talk to my parents about this.  Your parents are married…they have to be able to understand that your priority and allegiance now is to your Fiance and your future.  You need to talk to them, just the 3 of you.  And really, slow down, no need to jump on this if you’re in disagreement about the details.  Who knows, someone may change their mind! 

 

Also, I agree with @bells219:!  He needs to buy you some flowers!

Post # 15
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would totally tell both of my parents to can it.  Mine do try to make insane suggestions and when they do, I ask them exactly how much they plan on contributing and they get the idea.  I have told them that if they want to plan it and make it happen themselves, they are more than welcome to pay for it.  Your fiance is right to be frustrated.  

From now on, when your parents start trying to plan your wedding, just say “We’re working that out on our own but thanks for your input.  Did you see that sports game last weekend?”

 

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