(Closed) Overcoming Jealousy and Insecurity

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
8844 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

By recognising that they are useless emotions. What does being jealous or insecure actually bring to your life other than misery? Nothing that’s what.

What does being jealous or insecure change for the positive? Nothing that’s what.

Jealousy and insecurity leads to nothing but anguish, self doubt and weakness.

I was raised by strong women who taught me that being jealous and insecure is not what strong women do. You chose how you act in life. If you want to be labelled as the jealous and insecure wife/friend/girlfriend then go right ahead. But if you want to be known as a confident and strong women than be that.

Post # 3
628 posts
Busy bee

mzieglar:  I think it would help to get to the root of your feelings. What, specifically, is making you feel this way? Maybe you have a reason to be! Did something negative happen? 

If nothing happened and it’s just part of your personality, then I think you need to actively work on how you see situations. You’re entitled to your feelings but if they are causing more harm than good, it’s something I would actively work on. 

Post # 4
5219 posts
Bee Keeper

mzieglar:  I second PP’s, good advice. Also, it comes down to your own happiness, and jealousy and insecurity will certainly impede on that. I firmly believe happiness is a conscious choice, and jealousy and insecurity, like  j_jaye said, just leads to a life with anguish. 

Post # 5
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

My husband had a pretty wild past before we met. I on the other hand was very conservative which ended up causing quite a bit of jealousy and insecurity at the beginning. Not to mention we were a bit too detailed about our past in the beginning stages.

I won’t lie, sometimes it still irks me. What I did when it really got to me was remind myself he chose to be with me, not them. He wanted to marry me and have a child with me, not them. When I’m feeling insecure I try to remind myself of all the ways my husband shows his love to me on a daily basis and thar has really helped ss well. My jealousy and insecurities are pretty much in the past now and for the most part are very easy to brush off now.

I think its a huge misconception that jealousy and insecurity are a lack of confidence all the time. Yeah in a lot of the cases its true but never expect me to smile and become friends with my husbands exs. Yes he had a life before me as I did before him. I accept that but it doesn’t mean I have to always be happy about it or pretend that it doesn’t bug me. I just have to make sure that it doesn’t interfere with my marriage.

Post # 6
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

What exactly do you fell jealous and insecure about? Defining your exact “triggers” will help you tackle them one by one. pin point what exactly iris that bugs you and be honest with yourself about why. For example say you are jealous of your friends awesome new job she just got, recognize that you feel unfulfilled in your own career and take the steps to get where you want to be. Any time I get jealous about something I say to myself ok what is it that I’m really jealous of and is this something I really want. If it is I work to make it happen for myself. If it’s about your relationship then you need to get to the route of what bothers you and have frank discussions with you SO. If his love of Dirty Delete boobs when you are an A infuriates you  then talk to him about it, his answers might surprise you and help you move on.

that being said you need to find ways to be confident with yourself and your choices, it’s your life do what makes you happy. Once you recognize That different things make different people happy it will be easier to distinguish what is worthy to be jealous over and what’s not. Sure you can be jealous over your friends new prada bag but if it’s not really your style why waste your time? if it’s something you would love to have then start saving your pennies, get a part time job. just remember life is about choices and not everyone has everything, even those who seem to from the outside. Plus you probably have plenty of things people are jealous of that you don’t even know! 

Post # 7
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I was just talking to my fiance about this last night… 

I have recently noticed, that I am much more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have been before and the only thing I can attribute that to is having support from family, friends and weeding out all the people who were drama and honestly, getting older. <br /><br />When I really think about it, I believe getting away from the drama of some specific people, really helped. Plus having the most loyal and faithful man, best friend and mother in my life makes me feel super secure. <br /><br />BWLE is right, finding out what your triggers are will really help you get rid of whatever starts your jealousy fits. 

Post # 8
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Only you can change how you feel about yourself. It is a CHOICE for you to feel insecure, or jealous. You can choose NOT to feel this way. When you have these feelings and stop to realize that it is a choice you’re making to feel this way, it will make you start to think and be able to handle yourself much better. <br /><br />Be honest with yourself about why you feel the way you do, and think about what you can personally do to change your perspective. 

Post # 9
1462 posts
Bumble bee

The best way to overcome your jealousy – or at least get it under control, is to get to the root of the problem.  When you feel jealous, can you dig deep inside of you to figure out what are the running thoughts/beliefs that is triggering your jealousy?  A lot of the time, it is not what the other person did per se that you are jealous about, it is the thoughts/stories you make-up inside your own mind about what it MEANS that trigger the jealous feelings.

If you can get to the root of your thoughts that are controlling your mind when you feel jealous, and then address those thoughts head-on (i.e. your running thought is “I am not beautiful enough. He will leave me for that prettier girl….” but then you switch it to something more positive like “There is no one else out there like me. He is so lucky to have someone as beautiful and loving as I am!), you will have a much greater chance of controlling your jealous emotions and not let it run you.

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