- 5 years ago
For all those brides who may not as felt as beautiful
For me dress shopping was fun but also a little hard, because when I looked in the mirror, I didnt see the persona physically, who I had invisioned as myself, on my wedding day.
I have crohns and while it is in control and stable now, in the past I had to go on steroids for it, in which I gained over 40lbs and couldn’t lose after that because it had a negative impact on my adrenals. I was also diagnosaed with PCOS and as thyroid disease last year so fdrom 3 years ago, I was 50lbs heavier and it was hard! I remember how my old self was like and because of health conditions outside of my control, my outward appearance changed and I coulodnt get over that fact. If anyone has ever gained weight, you know the feeling of maybe not feeling comfortable in your skin.
So while I enjoyed dress shopping, I never truly looked at myself and truly thought I was beautiful. I always judged myself harshly, picking out my flaws instead of concentrating on who I am now and the beauty that is me.
I fell in love with a dress but was always looking for more, because I always looking for a dress that would fill this void I had when I looked at myself and pictured the old me from a few years ago, as if another dress would bring this girl back.
To be honest, I was downright scared of picking up my dress. And while I did the alterations and listened to people “oohh and ahh” over me, it just went in one ear and the out the other, never truly beleiving , never letting myself enjoy that feeling, as if just because I had gained weight and gained, that suddenly I was undeserving of praise.
Then my wedding day came. And suddenly, all those fears, those inconsequenial worries just vanished in the air. I was just so excited to be marrying my husband, the love of my life, that the day was finally here, I didnt care anymore.
When I got my hair and makeup on and finally put that wedding dress that was to me at many points, a symbol of all my insecurities and past fears, it all lifted. I felt for the very first time, as if I owned who I was and felt truly beautiful. I actually had never felt more beautiful in my life before, ever mjy before skinnier self.
I wrote this post not just for me but for all of you lovely, beautiful ladies out there who may not feel as beautiful or inadaqueate, who are judging themselves unfairly. You are all so beautiful!!! I wish i could hug each and every one of you and tell you your fears are unwarranted- that when you walk down the aisle to the special man or woman, that you will beautiful. That there eyes will only be looking at how amazing their soon to be wife/husband looks in their wedding dress and that they love you for you.
Trust me ladies, start smiling and loving ourselves- we are our own worst critics. While I am enjoying doing kettlebells and eating healthy, I am not getting lost in the ideas of having to change who I am-.
When you step into that wedding dress, nothing else matters. You wont care that you didnt lose that extra 10 lbs, 50 lbs or 100lbs, it wont matter that you weight more than you did 2 years or your apperance has changed. When you walk down the aisle, people will not be judging you- they will be thinking and commenting on how beautiful you are, how muhc you glow and shine.
So ladies, start looking in that mirror and smiling at who you are now- you are beautiful and start owning it, you beautiful, sparkling woman of this world:)
This is me on my wedding day and on that day this past weekend, and although I wasnt who I was physically 3 years ago, I felt comfortable with myself and I never felt more beautiful. And ladies, so will you on your wedding day!