- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
Quick stats and background:
– Mom and I are super close. We talk everyday.
– Fiance and I met last year and were engaged by Christmas. We’re in our 30s
– He’s from another country with family scattered all over the world
Last week, I called my mom at work to speak with her about some minor wedding detail (probably hairstyles) then mom said, out of the blue, “I don’t know your Fiance. I don’t know if I can trust him.” All I saw was red – I grew angry and cut the conversation short. Within seconds Fiance called me at work (it was an unsually chatty day on my phone) and told me he was going out with a cousin who was in town on business and his son. I mentioned something to him about my mom thinking that she didn’t know him very well and maybe the cousin and my mom could meet. He said he would make the plans. Called mom back, asked her if she was interested in dinner that night with FI’s extended family and she agreed.
(Sidenote: Mom has met a couple of FI’s siblings but due to FI’s parent’s elderly age and traveling issues, she hasn’t met mom, dad, etc yet)
Confirmed with everyone all around within 5 minutes. Then mom said “I don’t want to go. I don’t want to impede on your FI’s time with family.” I think I was beyond a 10 at this point in anger. I told her that she came to me with these fears and insecurities and we’re trying to accomodate her. She went on to talk about Fiance like he was a stranger saying she doesn’t know anything about him and the whole thing made her feel uncomfortable so she wasn’t going. I called Fiance and cancelled.
(Sidenote: Mom and Dad have had Fiance over for holidays and even hung out with him for hours on end as crowd support while I ran races)
That night, I was fuming mad and just went on a rant-fest on the phone talking to Fiance and telling him everything my mom said. By the time I realized it, it was too late. I told Fiance that my mom didn’t trust him and that she felt like she didn’t know him. Fiance grew sad and said “But she says that she loves me when I talk to her. How can she love me if she doesn’t trust me?”
I felt terrible. Like mud.
Eventually, I talked to my mom who found out that I told Fiance about what she said. She’s really mad at me now. I heard her side about what she was feeling and where her thoughts came from – watching too much TV (Nancy Grace and Dateline specials) about people meeting, being happy, getting married, and then some bizarro life-threatening situation occurring.
We’re pretty spiritual so I told her that her job is done. She raised me to pick the right man, make the right decisions in my life and now the rest is left up to God. She should trust God, not man and just love and live. She seemed to leave the conversation on neutral ground and said she wanted to talk to Fiance. Apparently, she’s super mad that he asked my dad for my hand in marriage and didn’t speak with her about it. This is so new to me and something I didn’t expect. Fiance and mom are supposed to talk tonight.
But now, there’s a weird “I don’t want to be bothered with you” feeling in the air between my mom and I. Is she being too sensitive? I owned up to my “mistake” of telling Fiance how my mom felt, but isn’t it a good thing we clear the air if we are ALL going to be family?