(Closed) Overheard at the gym – Disowning a friend for not bringing a gift??

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you be angry if your friend didn't bring a gift to your wedding?
    Yes! The nerve of them - why do they think I invited them? : (10 votes)
    11 %
    No. They were there to share our happiness - gifts are not mandatory. : (71 votes)
    78 %
    Other - explain below. : (10 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    116 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I think I might be a little disapointed, but I would not be pissed.  In my opinion, gifts should never be expected. 

    By The Way – we are almost date twins!  I’m in South Jersey, and getting in married in PA too.  Small world.  :  ) 

    Post # 4
    Member
    2703 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    i would be hurt more than angry. but depending on the situation i’m sure there’d be an explanation that i’d understand.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1250 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I think that sounds ridiculous. While traditional etiquette is to bring a gift and I’m certainly looking forward to furnishing my home with some wedding presents, I would never disown somebody for not giving me a present. I’ll be so excited to have them there sharing in my special day – and since many of my guests will have to travel to be there, I know they’re already spending a lot of money to be there!

    All that being said, I think its considerate to at least bring a card or something…

    Post # 6
    Member
    7404 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Well- we are asking people to NOT bring gifts to our wedding, so I’d be totally fine with it.  Just share the happiness!

    Post # 7
    Member
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Funny you brought this up because one of my girlfriends  and I were just having a conversation about if you are suppose to bring a gift to all showers plus wedding that you get invited to.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I think it would depend on the situation.  If it was a friend who was in difficult financial times or something, but still showed up and wished us well, and wrote us a nice warm card- I would totally understand.  If it was someone who flaunts their money around, abused the open bar, and failed to even congratulate us at the reception- I think I’d be pissed.  I guess it would come down to whether I got the impression they cared about us, or were just there for the party.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2463 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    eek! those girls seem crazy rude. i’d never disown a friend for not giving a gift. we set up a charity registry as well as a traditional one, and i sort of hope my friends use that instead of buying us presents, which aren’t necessary imo… 

    Post # 10
    Member
    472 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant

    Me-ow!  Sounds like a couple of Bitter Betties!  Of course it’s always a nice thought that someone would bring a gift, but I don’t think I’d get pissed if I didn’t get one!  We always assume we get nothing, and then if we do get something, it’s a bonus!!

    Post # 11
    Member
    5154 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I’ll be honest…I’d be a bit disapointed! But I know that not everyone can afford to come to a wedding AND offer a gift so I would try to be understanding and I wouldn’t ever say that I wanted to “show them they weren’t wanted” that is catty and awful….meeeeeow!!!! hiss hiss!

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    2186 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    i am actually going into this NOT expecting gifts from anyone and if i get something then YAY!

    now bridal shower… thats different LOL

    Post # 13
    Member
    342 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    That’s just super catty! 

    One of my FI’s good family friends didn’t RSVP to us, and when we called he explained that they are having some serious financial difficulties and couldn’t afford to drive in for the wedding, or get us a gift.  My Fiance immediately told him that we just wanted them to attend, and we’re actually paying for their gas so that they can join us.  A wedding is about having family and friends their to celebrate with you, not to give you gifts!

    Post # 14
    Member
    2641 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think it would depend on th situation.  If they were strapped, OK.  If they had to spend money to come to the wedding, OK.  If there was some sort of cultural thing, where they typically don’t bring presents to weddings, OK.  If the friend is typically flaky, I’d probably overlook it.  Did she give other friends gifts?  But if there didn’t seem to be a logical explanation, I would probably be hurt.  I would try to give her the benefit of the doubt.  But I think I would wonder why she didn’t give me a gift. 

    Actually I did have a friend not give me a present.  She was planning on making something, and never gave it to me.  I figured that she got busy and forgot.  And honestly, it’s kind of her personality.  We’re still friends.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1638 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I wouldn’t be upset about not getting a gift but I would be upset if I didn’t even get a card (no money needs to be in it!) congratulating us on our wedding day.

    Post # 16
    Member
    6572 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2010

    i’d be upset. i wouldn’t go saying mean things and not invite them to parties (actually a few of my friends didn’t give us gifts at our engagement party and that wasn’t going to stop me from inviting them to anything else!) but it makes me sad. especially because i know their situations, i know they aren’t going broke.

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