Post # 1
So DH and I are on vacation. We had a 5 hour flight (in coach on a no frills airline) to get here. He and I had the window and middle seats and another woman had the aisle seat. She boarded before us, but as we came to board the plane, she didn’t want to stand to let us pass her. She insisted that my husband should climb over her to get to his seat. And he did. When it was my turn, I asked that she please stand briefly to let me in. She did so with a bit of eye-rolling but no words. I didn’t think there was any issue between us.
As we were preparing for takeoff, my eyes accidentally wandered to her phone screen where she had texted someone “unfortunately, I have the fattest black lady sitting next to me.” At first I thought I must have seen something wrong, then I tried to put it out of my mind since I honestly didn’t mean to be reading her screen in the first place. But I couldn’t help it and I looked again and I had seen correctly. I leaned over and whispered in her ear that “there are worse things than sitting next to a fat black lady,” and that I don’t object to her changing her seat if it’s a problem.
She apologized, made excuses and then went silent. I never accepted her apology or said anything else to her. But I have to admit “overhearing” that about myself really stung. First of all, I’m not the fattest person by any stretch of the imagination. I’m a bit larger than my ideal size right now, but I’m addressing it by exercising 4x/week and monitoring my caloric intake. I’m actually doing quite well, so the idea that the primary thing one thinks when they see me is some gigantic monster doesn’t feel good at all. I’m about a size 16/18 and I’m 5’10. I fit comfortably in a plane seat, no part of my body was touching her (though her feet touched me from time to time due to her insistence on sitting cross-legged). Secondly, I have no idea what [her presumptuous perception of what she believes to be] my race has to do with any of it.
For some reason I just keeping thinking about what that woman said about me and my mind goes all everywhere. I keep telling myself that she’s just a mean lady and her comments mean nothing, but they just keep sticking with me. I guess I just need some advice about how to move on. Honestly, I think just typing it out kinda helped.
Post # 2
She’s just a bad person. Remember that. You did nothing wrong and her comments were unnecessary. She doesn’t know you… nothing about you. She’s just terrible. I understand it hurts, I would be hurt too. But seriously, she doesn’t deserve your energy. I’m sorry you saw that, OP. I’m so happy you said something to her, because most people wouldn’t.
Post # 3
Good for you for confronting her, and you did it tactfully. She has to live with herself. You have a good attitude, and you set a good example. That’s all you can do.
Post # 4
There might be some bees who say that you shouldn’t have said anything, but I say GOOD FOR YOU. Seriously, people think that technology makes their bullying of others acceptable. It’s not. Maybe you shouldn’t have seen it, but you did, and I’m glad you called her out on it. I don’t know what else to say other than fuck her. I’m a big girl too, and I will squish myself into a ball to avoid touching people on an airplane (unfortunately, I’m 5’3, so more beachball shaped, at least you’re elongated!)–I know it probably made for an uncomfortable flight, but you can rest assured knowing that she felt even more awkward than you did! I’m sorry for her ignorance.
Post # 5
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent- Eleanor Rosevelt
People are judgemental jerks, nothing you can do about it. Why let one insecure person bother you? She obviously has her own issues. Let it go and enjoy your vacation.
Post # 6
People are awful. Don’t let it get to you. Focus on having fun- after all- it’s your vacation!
Post # 7
I’m so sorry you had to deal with that! Some people are just assholes, and that includes this woman. Don’t let her spoil your vacation – if you do, she has the power, and you don’t want that! You handled it with way more class (and sass) than I would (I would sit there stunned and silent and regret not saying anything afterwards) so KUDOS to you for that! 🙂
Post # 8
what a jerk! Don’t let the comment about your weight get to you. She was in a pissy mood and venting to a friend and exaggerating for dramatic effect. I actually think it’s amazing that you called her out on her comments! I’m sure she was mortified (and appropriately so.) I would take so much satisfaction knowing I had stood up for myself! Don’t give a rude stranger the power to upset you or take away from your vacation.
Post # 9
I am so glad you addressed the comment with her. Good for you! And you did it very tastefully. I am so sorry that you had to see that and that you can’t get it out of your mind. She is a mean person and I hope that in time, you can make yourself realize that her nasty words don’t have to mean anything to you. I know it’s hard. Ugh. What a bitch.
Post # 10
1. The lady you sat next to was downright rude and very insensitive. I hope that this experience puts her in a new light about women of all sizes and colors, and that no look is the “right” or “accetable” look.
2. I ADORE the measure you took. It straight up SUCKS that you had this experience, and you are not responsible in teaching someone so rude how to be a good person. However, the approach you took is, in my opinion, is the highest one – better than what I probably would have said.
It’s impossible not to let it bother you because words hurt becase they have meaning behind it. Meaning is engraved by society and it can mess with our minds.
However, you have the power to dismiss HER. She is a stranger and there’s a strong chance you will not see her again. SHE should be thinking about this over and over and feel rediculous right now. You, my friend, should enjoy your life going forward.
Post # 11
Don’t give it another thought. Who cares what some racist asshole thinks about you? She’s a small-minded person with warped thought processes. Her opinion is null and void. On the other side of you was someone who apparently thinks you’re the bees knees. No? Focus on that and enjoy your vacay!!
Post # 12
BRAVOO to you for sticking it to her like that ( I could imagine how embarassed she was) …. I smiled to myself when I read that line
Don’t even PAY HER ANY MIND … I call that ignorance darling, & there is plenty more of that …. Yes its very disappointing that she said what she did … but she is not the only one and won’t be the last. As long as you love and accept who you are and how you look… who give a RAT’S *** What anyone has to say…
Post # 13
That is SO awesome you confronted her RIGHT AWAY and with class. At least you won’t torture yourself further for not having said anything. I always let things go when I should have said something in a situation and then it eats me alive. I’m sorry you had to experience this, it sounds like the lady was an ignorant #[email protected]!%^& not only for texting that but also because she was ignorant about not standing up so you could get to your seat. What a JERK! Please don’t keep thinking about this, some random loser is not worth the mental effort of focusing on her. Smile and have a great day and a wonderful vacation! 🙂
Post # 14
You’d have a harder time forgetting her rude text if you didn’t say anything, good for you for confronting her.
Now, let it go. It says far more about her than you.. You said yourself you’re taking measures to get to your ideal size, what can she do to fix her shitty personality?
Post # 15
Wow, what a bitter woman. I’m so glad you said something. And honestly, as rude and terrible as she is, I bet you taught her a massive lesson — it sounds like she was mortified as she should be and she will likely think twice before sharing such disgusting thoughts.