Overly affectionate bf (need advice)

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 3
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek

I’m admittedly going to be zero help bc I had this exact problem and my solution was to extricate myself from the relationship. I tried flat out telling him how turned off his actions made me, fail. I tried to express how uncomfortable he made me, fail. He was way too clingy for my personal taste. Wanting to stare into my eyes for what I felt was an absurdly awkward amount of time, forever under me, needing to know why I had to do something as simple as read in a different room to get some frickin PEACE and same as your SO with the forceful kissing. All that nonsense was a no for me. If thats simply who he is and how he’s always been in relationships I doubt things will change.

Post # 4
227 posts
Helper bee

That is so creepy. He forces you to kiss him? RUN.

Post # 5
108 posts
Blushing bee

Maybe his love language is physical touch? Have you tried talking to him about it?

Post # 6
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2020 - California

Hey girly! Some guys just need firm communication! Let him know “Hey babe, I love how sweet you are but I need some space sometimes”. Depending on his answer will divination how you react. If he says no and gets huffy and puffy about it, it might be time to discuss your options together. If he’s cool with it, even better 💕

Post # 10
4611 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Being overly affectionate is one thing, holding your face so you can’t get away when he tries to kiss you is borderline rapey.

Post # 11
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - City, State

No one should be forcing you to engage in any romantic or sexual acts you do not want to do.  No one is entitled to your love and affection.  It should be given freely.  If he does not listen to your concerns, you should leave.  Touching someone sexually without their consent can constitute sexual assault depending on the circumstances.

Post # 12
408 posts
Helper bee

While I think the comments about his holding your face being “rapey” or bordering on sexual assault are over the top, I think this does indicate some insecurity on his part. He probably worries that you don’t like him as much as he likes you (which sounds like the case, to be honest, from your post).

Being overly clingy or too affectionate is often a bid for validation/reassurance. Or, it could just be who he is. With many men, physical touch is near the top of the list of how they show and receive love. Some have a higher need for it than others.

I think this is probably a compatibility issue.

Personally, it wouldn’t do for me. I’m a very affectionate person, but it should flow and be natural. Both people should enjoy it. If it is forced or pressured in any way it’s just awkward and uncomfortable. I am also an introverted and independent person and have a high need for my own space periodically, and I need to be with someone who understands and respects that.

I have had a relationship like a PP mentioned where the guy would get hurt and huffy and need an explanation simply because I went to a different part of the room to check my e-mail (after spending a whole day together), wouldn’t even let me brush my frikking teeth in peace. I ended up going home and never went back. Some things you just can’t put up with.

Post # 13
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2029

ladyscorpion :  I’ve been there myself sad to admit.  He never stared into my eyes, but he wanted my attention 24/7.  I got so tired of this.  Being in a relationship is something I always wanted, but not like that.  I love being w/my partner because the interaction isn’t forced.  Things will only get worse w/this guy.

Post # 14
1543 posts
Bumble bee

My husband is like that, but he doesn’t ever hold my face, but sometimes he hugs and holds on too long. I just tell him if you feel me pull away I really need space and he respects that. And I do have to make a conscious effort to be affectionate because I am so not affectionate at all.

Post # 15
2678 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Ok I don’t think this guy is sexually assaulting you, from what you’ve said. Some bees are way too dramatic.

i had a boyfriend like this before, and I quickly realized that I didn’t like his affection because I didn’t like him! 

My ex would do things that I hated but my husband will do those things and I don’t mind. 

Consider moving on bee 

heytheree :  

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