Post # 1
So I got engaged back in January, and am getting married next June. Well my older sister was engaged too(she just got married last weekend so happy for her) so I was just keeping most of my planning to myself so I wouldn’t take the spot light from her. Anytime I did show something to my mom she didn’t seem to care that much even told me “I can’t be excited for your wedding till after Ashley’s wedding.” That kinda stung but whatever. But now her wedding is over so I should get more focus on my wedding right? Nope last night we found my 17 year old sister is pregnant. Now I’m just worried all my parents time/money/engery is going to go to this baby. Cause goodness knows my little sister can’t do it by her self. She doesn’t even have a job. Now I’m kinda thinking I’m gonna hear. “Heather I can’t be excited for your wedding till after this baby is born”
Sorry for the mini rant just needed to get it out of my head.
Post # 3
Life never quite works out the way we dream it will, huh? My bro got his Girlfriend pregnant, got engaged, married her and the baby is due in July. This all during MY engagement!!! How dare he! lol Now that their wedding is over we’re planning the baby shower and getting ready for my new niece to arrive. But the baby takes much less focus/money than wedding planning so we’re in full planning mode now for my day. I hope your mom can give you some wedding love!!
Post # 4
I am so sorry you are going through that. I hate how babies, no matter how unplanned and unprepared the parents are, are always seen as a good thing. It’s as if you’re being punished for making responsible decisions, because others reap benefits for doing the opposite.
I hope your mom is able to find a way to split her time between the both of you, she’s already put you off once, and that’s too much.
Post # 5
I’m sorry. That just sucks.
maybe your sister who just got married can be a bit more supportive? Maybe lean on your friends a bit more?
Post # 7
Oh my. That really stinks, and I’m sorry. I agree with @PinkPinstripes: can your other sister be a good supporter for you, since her wedding is over? Frame it like, “Now you can give me advice, since your wedding was SO great!”
Post # 8
@Dr_dazzle: I’m so sorry! How far along is she? I think your mom needs to focus on you and not give ALL her attention to your younger sister.
If that were my kid I’d tell her to get a job and finish school because she got herself into that mess and she is going to have to learn to handle it like an adult. Harsh? probbaly, but oh well.
You’re responsible and you deserve your time to shine as well! Maybe try to get your younger sister involved in the wedding planning to distract her and your mother from her pregnancy…just an idea (i don’t know if it would work or not)
Post # 9
@prettyinpink11: she had already dropped out of school before she found out about the baby. However she is in the process of getting her GED. So I am proud of her for that.
Post # 10
@Dr_dazzle: ohh… that sucks :/
Post # 11
Sorry your big day isn’t getting the attention you feel it deserves…… Have you tried talking to your parents to let them know how you feel. I’d sit them down and get it all out. The more you keep it bottled up the harder it’s going to be. I’m sure your parents want you to be happy….. Try talking it out….. Communication is key!!!
Post # 12
@Dr_dazzle: OK, I’ll say it: Your mom’s attitude stinks. How dare she say that to you!
Can’t she focus attention on more than one thing? It is possible you know. If she pulls that line again I would say something like, “I know X is having a baby, but it’s possible to be excited about two things at once.” And I’ve seen families do exactly like that, plenty of times.
If that doesn’t work, well, just shut her out a bit, and do the planning with people who will be encouraging. Your in laws perhaps?
Post # 13
I’ll add one caveat to what I’m going to say. If you got engaged a month or less before your sister got married, I can totally understand why your mom would say that. She probably didn’t mean that she couldn’t be excited for you, she probably meant she was too overwhelmed to think about anything else. Because if she’s anything like my mother, she goes crazy that close to a daughter’s wedding.
However, if you got engaged more than a month before your sister’s wedding, then her attitude does indeed suck. Darling Husband and I got engaged (and married!) during BIL’s engagement. Mother-In-Law was equally excited about both of our weddings. I know it doesn’t make the situation better, but it’s her loss for being more concerned with both of your sisters’ situtations than yours. Boo on her.
Post # 14
@Dr_dazzle: I feel you and am so sorry!!! That must be terrible. 🙁
I am the oldest of six kids and such is the story of my life. My parents always have something major going on with one of my other siblings that puts me on a backburner with them. They didn’t make it to a single halftime show to watch me cheer my final year of high school. They made it to my first college graduation, but not the second graduation when I earned my next degree. They haven’t had a chance to travel to Texas to see where I moved two years ago.
I know the feeling of being brushed aside hurts right now, but let me tell you what I’ve learned from going through that myself- be proud and feel blessed, because that means you are the strong one. You are the child they believe in and have faith can stand on her own. The kids who are needy and have more problems NEED their attention, because they can’t do life independently like you can. Your parents aren’t brushing you aside because they don’t love you, but because they have faith that you will be just fine making good choices about your wedding and life even when they are too busy to help. I am sure they want to participate and will soon. Yes, it hurts at times to be the one who is “safe to ignore”. However, those same independent qualities that make you safe to ignore will also make your life far more awesome. Some parents can’t balance multiple things and children well- mine can’t although they try. Don’t take it personally- remember it’s not that they don’t love you, but that they are unable to balance.
Post # 15
@FLBlonde93: This times 1000!
I’m sorry you feel pushed aside, OP. That’s a sucky situation. But FLBlonde93 nailed it on the head – try to think of how independent and trustworthy your parents think you are, instead of feeling rejected. Tough, I know.
Maybe also do like the one poster suggested and lean on your newly married sister for support now? Hopefully she’ll be able to share in your planning!
Post # 16
to be fair, i can understand her focussing on the wedding that was 6 months away rather than 1.5 years away. i do understand feeling pushed aside though and im sorry you feel hurt
maybe she was trying to make sure youe sis didnt feel pushed aside by focussing on your later wedding as she knew shed have time for yours after
realistically yes, your pregnant sister is going to take a lot of attention and care because its going to be a massive change. id try and focus on stuff *before* the baby is born (maybe not around major scan times etc) as once he/she is born their lives are going to change significantly