Post # 1
My best friend since forever regularly gets me gifts for my birthday and Christmas (as do I for her). The problem is, she has a well-paying job, whereas I am a graduate student. So every year for my fall birthday, she gets me something fairly extravagant, plus a normal-sized Christmas present in December. Birthday examples for the last few years have been a Tiffany necklace, a Vera Bradley bag and wristlet, and a Longchamp bag. These are beautiful and appreciated gifts, but I simply cannot reciprocate in the same way. So I buy her a thoughtful Christmas present (usually ~$40-50), and send her a card for her spring birthday.
I guess my question is – how would you feel about this situation? She knows I am strapped for cash, and she never seems upset that my gifts aren’t as nice as hers. She honestly loves finding me presents that I will enjoy, and I always love what she comes up with. But I feel guilty every year that I can’t reciprocate. It’s not a huge deal, and things will change in a couple years once I’m working, but it’s a slightly uncomfortable situation to be in.
Should I say something to her about the disparity? Should I propose a spending cap? Or should I just smile and be grateful that my best friend loves me and wants to buy me great gifts?
Obviously it’s too late for this year, but I wondered what you guys would think about this, or if anyone else has similar quandries.
Post # 3
Hmmm… your friend wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable, but I think it’s really sweet that she treats you to these things when you’re unable to treat yourself.
But admittedly, I started doing kind of the same thing when my friend lost her job. I sensed that it made her uncomfortable though, so I stopped. My feelings weren’t hurt or anything, and I wouldn’t have minded at all if she had said something to me about it.
Post # 4
I absolutely know she’s only doing it to be nice and has no desire to make me uncomfortable. And that knowledge does make me less uncomfortable, but it doesn’t take it away completely, just because it feels a bit off-balance. And I feel pressured when I’m shopping for her, like it has to be amazing, and I’m tempted to go out of my price range.
Man, I can’t wait until I graduate…
Post # 5
@Miss OBG:Don’t try to compete, is not about the money. My love language is giving gifts too and I would be insulted if my best friend got all weird about it. It’s her way of showing love.
Post # 6
If I were you I would look at it like this, one day you’ll have a great job and you’ll be able to give lavish gifts to her, but for now just accept that she can and wants to give you great gifts. One day the rolls may flip, u never know. then u can pay her back by making her feel doted on. ^.^
Post # 7
it’s the thought that counts. Just remember that.