(Closed) MOH needs your opinion

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I feel like I have a little bit of perspective on this… I’m a bride (in 5 days!) with 5 bridesmaids, and 3 of them are being pretty territorial over me. I have 2 younger sisters, and when I got engaged we all agreed that we wouldn’t make each other Maid/Matron of Honor, b/c it’s awkward to choose between sisters and difficult for two people to share Maid/Matron of Honor responsibilities. I have a best friend who would have been an obvious choice for Maid/Matron of Honor, but she has a *lot* going on in her life right now, and wouldn’t have been able to handle it. And I have a close friend who lives near me (the other BMs live near my hometown where I’m getting married), and I asked her to be Maid/Matron of Honor b/c we were close, I felt she could handle it, and since she lived near me she’d be able to come and help with things.

At this point, my middle sister, my best friend, and my Maid/Matron of Honor are all having a little bit of a power struggle, and I’m worried that it will only escalate on the wedding day, and we’ll end up with someone having hurt feelings like you do. Both the sister and the best friend keep jumping in on things that the Maid/Matron of Honor ought to be doing, I think that they think “well, I would have been the Maid/Matron of Honor except blah-blah-blah, so I should get to blah-blah-blah.” There’s a lot of “I know her best” or “I’m her sister” or “I’m the MOH” getting thrown around. The fact is, I chose them *all* because I love them, and I wish they would stop fighting amongst themselves.

The best thing for your sister would be if she didn’t even notice that you and the best friend were having a conflict – hopefully she just felt surrounded by loving, supportive sisters and friends. If I were you, I would not bring it to her – it will just sour the memories, and there’s nothing to be done about it now. I don’t think her friend meant to be hurtful… it sounds like she just got excited and over-eager, and kept trying to put herself as close to her friend as possible. But I’m so sorry that you’re hurt over this. Try to remember that your sister chose you as the Maid/Matron of Honor, and that she got a wonderful day surrounded by friends and family… and that you’ll always be her sister, no matter what happens with her pushy friend 🙂

Post # 4
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

Oh no…I’m so sorry this woman ruined your day to be your sister’s MOH! My best friend had this happen to her when she was a Maid/Matron of Honor in another friend’s wedding. The only thing was, the bride DIDN’T speak up and just let it slide. My best friend was crushed and her and the bride don’t really talk anymore. It’s a shame!

I agree in that I don’t think you should let on to your sister that you were so disappointed with this. I do think you have a right to confront the Bridesmaid or Best Man again and let her know that she WAS the cause of your hurt feelings and you thought she should know so that she doesn’t do this to another Maid/Matron of Honor in the future! It was rude of her to take over all of your responsibilites, AND you were the bride’s SISTER! Clearly, this woman thrived at being the center of attention, and this was the only way she could have done it. Maybe she felt robbed out of not being chosen to be Maid/Matron of Honor by your sister, but it was your sister’s choice, and you need to let her know that. It was extremely rude for her to have done what she did. Now that it’s over, there isn’t much you can do except to let her know how you feel.

Again, I’m really sorry to hear that she took all of your responsibilites away, but glad that you are speaking out about this. If your sister should bring it up to you, you can just let her know that you were hurt a little, but that you were just glad she had her special day. End of story.

Good luck in confronting her again, and let us know how it went!

Post # 5
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Aw sweetie, I am so sorry! I don’t think you were being irrational. It is a special time and you had every right to do all those things for your sister. That is exactly why my sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor.

I definitely would not talk to your sister about it, but she might bring it up after she gets back from her honeymoon. If she asked the bm to step down then she noticed it as well. I would try and talk to the bm one more time and make it clear that she did contribute to the way you feel because she was the one doing all your duties. She could have felt passed over as MOH since she is bf of your sister and her ugly side came through. Either way, I’m so sorry it happened.  

Aside from that, there isn’t much more you can do. Like you said the day has come and gone. Your sister is married now and that was the point of it all right? 🙂 There will be so many other things coming in your sister’s life that you will be able to share with her.

Post # 6
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Oh, I’m really sorry to hear what happened!! That’s a hard thing to prevent or deal with, it was very awkward of her to do all those things and would be even more awkward for you or the bride to say somehting. Looking back, it might have been a good idea for you to be a little more assertive when she was doing  these things b/c the bride probably didn’t want to be the ‘bad guy’ on her wedding day. But still – that’s so frustrating, I mean who does that??

I mean, if I were the bride and was expecting my sister Maid/Matron of Honor to zip up my dress, etc., I think I’d have a panic attack if one of my BM’s jumped in to do it instead of her. I think I would have definitely said something like “Thanks Bridesmaid or Best Man, but this is what the Maid/Matron of Honor is getting paid to do” (a joke, obviously, but getting the point across).

I am the ‘best friend’ Bridesmaid or Best Man (going to be right behind the MOH) in my best friend’s wedding and another Bridesmaid or Best Man is already acting like the girl you described. She’s unemployed right now so she’s devoting every day to helping out the bride with stuff and at her shower plunked herself down next to the bride (when we were all sitting at a spearate Bridesmaid or Best Man table!) and I know on her wedding day this will continue. My attitude is as long as the bride is happy on her wedding day, that’s all that matters. She knows in the back of her mind that I am her best friend, nothing will change that.

Good luck!!

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