(Closed) Overthinking first date…

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
9961 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

It’s been two hours. Slow your roll.

Post # 3
7765 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Oh man I have been there and I feel for you! That feeling when you haven’t met anyone that excited you in ages, and then you finally go on an awesome date and there’s chemistry AND IS HE GONNA CALL…brutal and exhilerating all at once. It was like that after my first date with Fiance. I vividly remember going out with a girlfriend the night after Fiance and my first date and just gushing to her about how I hadn’t experienced chemistry like that in AGES and coudln’t stop checking my phone to see if he texted…when finally at almost exactly the 24 hr mark, he texted to invite me to a movie the next day 🙂 BEST FEELING EVER!

What was the thing you texted him back? In any event, I wouldn’t worry too much just yet. He may still be at work or something…who knows. I do think it’s a little rude to suggest hanging out and then not follow through the next day, but on the other hand, HE texted YOU first, not the other way around, which is a good sign. Try to relax, maybe watch a movie, something to distract yourself. I used to play a game where I would put my phone on silent and turn it over so I couldn’t see the screen, and just REFUSE to even look at it for 30 min or something. That way I felt I had some control over the situation lol.

Good luck!

Post # 4
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

IMO, when you give up your goods first night (everything but or full on sex) it rarely turns into anything more than a casual sex. nothing wrong with casual sex, enjoy it, but men lose intrest fast when its too easy. 


When he does txt u ignore him and txt him back tomm. As much as people says ” dnt play games” they do work in the very beginning. 😀

Post # 5
7765 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

futremrswhite17:  I think that’s a myth. In my experience, whether you have sex on the first date or the 10th is pretty irrelevant. If a guy is into you, he’s not gonna stop being into you because you gave in to his advances on the first or second date (unless he’s a misogynistic buttwipe). And if he’s not into you, no amount of coyly putting it off for ages is going to magically make him want to be in a relationship with you either.

I slept with my now-fiance on the second date. I had NO intention of doing that…deliberately did not shave my legs in case I got tempted, but it was all for naught, lol. He was so seductive and I wanted it so whatever. And now we’re engaged and both very pleased we didn’t delay our sex life any longer than the second date! I have several close friends that are now engaged or married to guys they slept with on the first or second date as well – so I really think the notion that putting out early means the relationship will never be serious is a fiction.

And vom to the whole giving up of goods thing! What about HIS goods? I would never want to be with the kind of guy who would try to have sex with me on the first or second date (which, let’s face it, is the goal of most men these days, whether they’re looking for a serious relationship or just a one night stand) and then retroactively judge ME for “giving up my goods” that early. Fuck that!


Post # 7
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

cla2016:  If he was exhausted he probably went home and passed out. Yeah, you’re probably not hanging out tonight, but that’s ok. He’ll text when he’s awake and you guys can make plans for when he’s back. 


OOps… just read the update. Yeah don’t be hard on him. He probably fell asleep. 7 is not that late for dinner. If you’re not tired, go for it. 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  MexiPino.
Post # 8
7765 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Is it possible he thought it was implied that you would be hanging out tonight, since you talked about it yesterday, so it didn’t occur to him that he needed to establish specific plans earlier in the day? He did at least text you earlier in the day, though obv it would have been nice if he confirmed the hanging out plans when he first texted you rather than waiting til now. 

I dunno maybe this is bad advice, but it sounds like you really like this guy (after not liking a bunch of previous guys you went out with), so if it’s not too inconvenient to meet up with him, if I were in your position I’d probably just do it and see where the night takes me! 

Post # 9
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

Don’t play games, see him if you want to, decline if you’re too tired. 

Post # 10
4258 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

Decline, but make definite plans for another night this week.

Post # 11
4252 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Do whatever the hell you want to.  You could do dinner, you could do drinks, you could go for a walk, you could get ice cream.  It’s summer so there are PLENTY of options of things to do that wouldn’t be as formal as dinner.  Don’t let your mind take control of this; just enjoy this for what it is.  It may turn into something, it may not, that is why people date each other.

Post # 12
217 posts
Helper bee

stop playing games. just go if you want to go. but in all honesty, if you put out tonight, you just come off as easy.

Post # 13
7765 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

elsa0984:  “but in all honesty, if you put out tonight, you just come off as easy.”

in all honesty, you just come off as sexist and judgmental with this comment.

OP, I hope you aren’t taking these types of comments to heart. Guys who try to seduce women early on, and then blame those same women for being “easy” when they give into the seduction, are sexist pigs. The hypocrisy there is on another level. If that’s the type of guy you’re dealing with (which there is absolutely zero indication that’s the case at this point), better to discover his scumbag nature sooner rather than later!

Post # 14
1800 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

futremrswhite17:  I dont think that’s true. I hooked up with my hubby on our first date! And know plenty of friends who have done the same.

–OP, calm your farm love. It’s only been a few hours.

Post # 15
2331 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

jcent:  +1 

You are way too worked up today. Say you are exhausted and make plans for another day. 

Relax girlfriend… It’s only been 1 date. 

Dont put too much thought into this guy just yet. You don’t want to get your hopes up and end up disappointed or hurt. It is way too early for that. 

Let us know how date number 2 goes!

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