Post # 1
Sorry so long…..But I have never been “waiting” in the traditional sense. More wait and see. Having both been married before, I think I’m more concerned with just having the RIGHT ONE this time around! If marriage happens– great! We have had the mature convo. I know it is where we both want to go eventually. Timeline around 2.5/3 year mark. (Our 2 year anniversary is next Thurs., he’s 44 I’m 38) If it doesn’t happen that soon, I’m good too. Wait and love and see.
To the point: about a year ago, bf saw a Vera Wang ring in a jewelry add. To my surprise he said “ooh that’s nice!” and asked if I liked it. Next time we passed that jewelry store he said we should go look at it. Tried it on…gorgoes ring. He says to the guy in the store “ok, so I know what I have to get ready to spend, huh?” They guy-laughed together and I blew it off as just a fun Saturday activity. We kept dreamin aloud but I thought nothing more concrete.
Fast forward to me finding out what moissanite is on these boards and telling him if he ever proposes, look into that! I waxed poetic about it told him I wanted to see it in person. He didn’t want to. The more I mentioned it, the more bothered he got. When I totally by chance saw the Charles and Colvard collection in Boscov’s one day and asked him to come check it out, he refused. This guy?? This- let’s go see a ring together a year ago- guy??
I begin to think he thinks I’m pressuring him for a prosal and I felt horrible. In all of our dreaming about our wedding we did together, he never seemed to feel like that. I didn’t know what changed, but hey, if he doesnt want that now, like I said, I’m good. I mentioned nothing else about rings.
Then…he asked me about 2 weeks ago, why I no longer wanted the Vera Wang ring and then described it, he said in case I forgot, in extreme minute detail. A ring we saw ONCE a year ago. Why does he remember this so well? Did he buy it? Was my moissanite talk making him feel he made the wrong choice… not pressured, like I was starting to think?
I tested the waters a few days ago, asked about future plans. He was his normal plann-y dreamy self… same time line. Did I crap on his surprise and how do I make it better without ruining it further or being totally off and maybe further putting on pressure that is unintended? Did I stepped in something… or am I overthinking??
Post # 2
Hmmm… It sounds to me that he really just A) fell in love with the first ring for you, B) already bought it or C) is planning on buying it ….But either way, it’s sort of odd that he would suddenly become so touchy about the whole ring process when you suggested what you liked if he’s ultimately trying to make YOU happy … Is there any chance you could have moissanite put into the same Vera wang setting he seemed to like? (Assuming you do too, that is) perhaps you could casually suggest that idea at some point, and see how he reacts. I feel like that would be the best compromise here!
Post # 3
Hopefully when he asked why you no longer wanted the Vera Wang ring, you said something like, “Oh, I still love that ring too! I’d be thrilled with anything you chose.”
And then you don’t have to talk about it again.
Post # 4
Girl it’s time to start complementing that vera Wang ring from now on! Let him know that a moissante can’t hold a candle to it! And let him do his thing after. Be patient ☺
Post # 5
did he maybe think you wanted the moissanite because you thought he couldn’t afford the ring he’d already showed you? guys can be a little sensitive about earning and spending power. i was super clear with DH that i would be more than happy with a gemstone ring (and i was being honest), but he still went with a diamond. it’s also possible your guy already started purchasing the other ring and is now worried you changed your mind about the style. i’d just reiterate that you love the first ring so much, but that you were just browsing options.
Post # 6
If he did buy it for real, I could suggest that in a couple years. Seriously the M word right now is like a curse. The gem that shall not be named.BookishBee : lifeisbeeutiful :
I tried to reassure him. Told him of course I liked that one still…. when really it was such a fuzzy memory… had to run my ass to the store and re- try it on. Took me 3 stores to find it as it has been so long… but I did compliment it just yesterday when the subject of our close friends’ engagement came up. Referred to the VW as the “dream ring.” mrshomemaker :
You are so right. Totally approached it like that with the moissanite. “Why spend X when you could get something this beautiful for Y?” He never seemed in 9 years the touchy about finances guy, but then again, never really was talking about a thousands of dollars purchase he’s making ALONE. Good thought, bee. Thanks for bringing that up.
Post # 7
Hmmm it sounds like maybe he really fell for the VW ring and has possibly been saving with the view to getting that exact ring, or he may have bought it and then your talk about moissy may have thrown him a bit.
Post # 8
Yeah I’m pretty sure he already bought the ring, his reaction to your other ring talk wouldn’t be like that if his options of what to get you were still wide open. He thought he was set.
Post # 9
My guess is he already bought it. My DH purchased a year before he proposed, and within that last year my ring desire basically went from the princess halo ring to a hexagon art deco-y type ring. I felt bad after finding out how long he had it because he told me I was giving him doubts about what he had already purchased! Oops…. 🙂
Post # 10
Thanks all for the responses. It makes me feel terrible. I need to make sure he knows HE IS set with whatever he picks whenever he picks it. He is a great secret keeper so it may have been this long and then suddenly I threw him. Or maybe he’s just moody about the topic, now that it’s that timeline time. Who knows?
Post # 11
Sounds like he was really emotionally invested in the first ring you looked at together (and probably the happy memory) and really wanted THAT to be the ring so that you could both always associate it to this happy memory. I also think its possible he probably had bought it or was paying on it.