- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013 - Canal St Inn
I’m not really looking for advice, just needed to get this out. There is just SO much going on right now, my head is spinny and I’m crying at random non-emotional stuff.
Fiance and I just hosted his parents for the weekend, they left for the airport not long ago to head home. As much as adore the hell out of them, they can be kind of intimidating. Actually, his dad can be intimidating. He’s just really gruff, outdoorsy, and a simple kind of guy. Not the kind of guy I’m really used to, but he’s lovable all the same. But Fiance hasn’t told him that we’re legally married so I could be on his insurance, because he’s worried his dad will give him and his mother no end of annoyance because we’re “throwing money away” on a second wedding. I can understand this reasoning, but I do not agree that kind of crappy behavior should be enabled by going so far as to flat out lie to him, IF he would even do it. So I have to make sure I say “fiance” whenever I talk to him.
On top of that, they’ve been only marginally involved with planning, so every time they think there’s something we haven’t thought through, they tell us a horror story from their previous son’s wedding, and don’t listen to what we have to say about whatever situation they are worried about until we repeat ourselves four times. They want to completely take care of the rehearsal dinner, as tradition dictates the groom’s parents do, and I’m very appreciative. But they’re inviting much more people than (I think) is necessary, and they want to have the whole thing at a restaurant without stopping at the venue so readers, my aunt who is officiating, the wedding party, and all of the parents can know where they need/want to be. Like I said, they are wonderful and I can’t wait to have them as my in-laws (ceremonially), but having to tip-toe and constantly explain is exhausting.
One of my BMs will more than likely have to drop out due to issues at home. I’m more than happy to help her through this and take away the extra stress of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man, in a destination wedding no less. I even have someone in mind to take her place, and who I know would be ecstatic to do it. But I know doing it now in the middle of the holidays is also going to add more stress for her as she’s trying to see her kids. So I’m trying to wait till after X-mas at least, but I’d really like to just be done with it.
I’ve already posted about Holiday blues, which get to me in many ways. My family’s thousands of miles away. I’m Pagan, in some ways the whole Christma-palooza makes me feel left out. And to top it off, my holiday season goes from Halloween to Mardi Gras, which means an extra 6 weeks of FB posts of my friends having fun at parades and celebrating. This will be my fifth Mardi Gras away from home. Really not something I’m looking forward to.
Picking up extra hours and taking on more responsibility at work, which is great, but it also adds more stress. We’re trying to move into a slightly less expensive place to save for the wedding, but with what’s available here, I don’t know exactly how much we can really save, as something always seems to come up. And whenever we do find a place, moving itself stresses me the hell out. Hardly anything good was surrounding any of the moves I had as kid/teenager. We also got turned down for a place because of my credit. Both our dogs have fleas of cockroach-like persistence, and Fiance has refused to spray, despite me nagging him to for months, so we may be bringing them into our new home, should we actually find one.
I’m trying to reconcile with my mother, as we’ve always had issues in our relationship. Recently she won several thousand dollars on a game show, and called to ask me if I needed help with anything wedding-wise. Part of me wanted to give her a number right there. A lot of these issues would be greatly helped with a cash infusion. But from past experience with her, I really don’t want to expect money she’s offered as a gift and then learn that’s she’s forgotten she offered (or used it for something else). Even if she didn’t, I would always wonder if she would use it against me or hold it over my head if I didn’t do something she wanted, as she has many times before. I really want to forgive her and give her a chance, but when it comes to thousands of dollars that I will ultimately be responsible for, the trust just isn’t there. As stressed as I am now, I’d rather live with it for the next 5 months than live with that.
I’m also switching therapists, which is a really big deal as this is the first time I’ve finally been able to get myself the help I’ve needed. That’s a whole ‘nother ball of wax.
I’d normally talk to my lovely Maid/Matron of Honor about all this, but she’s currently expanding her business in the wake of her fraudulent partner skipping town, AND she’s also grieving the loss of one of her best friend’s. It happened this week. I want to be there for her, but at the same time I just want to cry into her shoulder and have her tell me it’s going to be fine. She’s much better at making me believe it when she says it.
I would reeeeeeeally like to get off this ride now.